Well Well Well….

Uhem *Clears Throat*
tumblr_static_hello_-_the_masterAnybody there?!
So, Uhem, What’s up Ladies and Gents?!!
tumblr_lvtqujHmBv1qjabl6o1_500I know I know, What are y’all thinking…Yes, I’m alive. Barley made it out from the other end but yeah alive.

So where was I all this time?

*scratches head*

Wellllll….I wish I had a perfectly good explanation for it…I sat here thinking for the longest time to come up with a perfect explanation but there isn’t any, to be honest. Or maybe there is I just can’t put it to words. I just needed time and space to clear my head, or so I thought. One day I just decided to get away from everything connected to this blog, any related accounts, everything. So I did. Why I didn’t inform beforehand? Well I just came out from hiatus like what? A week or two ago from this? It just felt inappropriate to go again and make a big deal out of it all. I challenged myself to be away for one week only, just to set a realistic goal, then I found out I can do this so it just extended as finals came up and now how long has it been? One month and 20 days? Well who was counting anyways *Puft*

I can say I had final exams, but those were way later in the start of February, January was a whirlwind too. I didn’t expect 2015 to be awesome or good to me, All I wanted was for it to be better than 2014 at least. Guess what? It proved to be way more shittier than 2014 and it’s just the start of the year. Hah! What can I say…JUST-MY-FUCKING-LUCK ! -_-

(This post is going to have shit load of sarcasm because that’s how I feel since my life has been unicorns shooting rainbows out of their assess since the day this year started, please notice the happiness dripping out of my words! ^.^ )

So did this break from blogging do me any good? Aiiiinnnn, Not so much. I’m stuck right where I was before, same old same old. Except now I have some more shit for me to whine about here. Hola!!! SO EXCITED -__-

Screaming_internallyLet the whining begin:

I worked my ass off for finals. I think it’s safe to say I haven’t studied so hard in my life before. I’m used to sacrificing my sleep for exams, but usually that’s just a week before the exam and during the exam season but this time around I started prepping three full weeks beforehand. I swear to God sitting from 3 am to 6 pm and onwards continuously in the same spot studying like you are a donkey for so many weeks is such a great feeling! Like honestly I wouldn’t even believe myself but time flies by when you sit with a course book in front of you at 3 am with so much to study and suddenly it’s 6 pm and whatt??!! I have been sitting at the same fucking spot for so long??? I have developed acute lumbar back pain which I’m sure is ready to turn chronic If I don’t start taking care of it.

Not to mention the compliments I’ve gotten on my dark circles, “Hey your Mascara/Eye Liner is running down your eyes”

Me: *Looks in the mirror* And to my absolute horror, “Oh These….are actually my dark circles.”  That is how deep they have impinged themselves on my face that now it seems like makeup has run down my eyes. Another awesome feeling to have! #SoGrateful! :’) (Girls, any good concealers you are willing to recommend here would be of great help 😉 )

Just a week before my finals were about to start, I got ghastly sick. I have never been this sick in my life before. Either it was my mental exhaustion taking a physical toll on me or someone did voodoo on me for sure. Also I got to know how fucking great it feels to throw up. Believe it or not I had not vomited since I was very very little, totally forgot how It felt, but hey life was like “what, you forgot? Puft, Let me remind you bitch” So then that started. (Well it was partially my fault, took a heavy antibiotic with an almost empty stomach. In my defense, I said ‘Almost’ not completely empty.)

What? You think it ends there? Oh no that was just the start of my health decline graph. As I have never been so sick in my life before, let alone during exams, and that DURING FINALS, I just could not afford to be sick, I had no choice but to keep studying, no adequate rest and shit so I had to take bunch of pills to keep myself going. I had not taken so many pills in my life before as I had to take in one go at one time during the day in the past few weeks. Couple of 650 mg’s antibiotics against fever, cold, sore throat and whatnot. Then just a day before my Biochemistry exam I had severe respiratory congestion. #FeelingBlessed :’)


But hey you can’t die since you have exam the very next day ! 🙂

I could not breathe and I totally thought I was gonna die or worst not being able to give the exam the next day which I worked so hard for. Anyways I did give the exam somehow, To be honest it’s still a little blur though, Just between you and me,  I think it’s because I was a bit high from all the pills.

So what I have ended up with is a gag reflex of a two years old. My Gag reflex has become so strong I can throw up on a drop of a hat now, like seriously.  Oh and what a marvelous feeling it is to have experienced after so long and so frequently now! Just like oozing out rainbows ! Yaeyyyy for that! \o/ #SweetLife -_-

So throughout this time I was bound to have number of mental breakdowns which I would categorize as follows:

#1 Absolutely Out-Of-Hand Emotions


Absolutely Out-Of-Hand Emotions

#2 Questioning the Higher Providence

Questioning the Higher Providence

Questioning the Higher Providence

#3 Stage of Acceptance

Stage of Acceptance

Stage of Acceptance

#4 The most Dangerous of them all: Meredith Breakdown!

giphy (1)

Still stuck on this stage.

Oh and that’s only tip of the iceberg shit that happened during the time I was gone. I’d rather skip the other shit filled details in my life that happened along the way, they are not half as fun to write about. So in a nutshell I’m completely and utterly, physically, more so mentally exhausted by now.


I opened my blog after so long aaaaaaaaaaaandddddd

A huge thanks to  Jithin, Nad , Rob, Upasana for checking up on me while I was away by leaving such sweet and concerning comments for me to read when I came back.

Trent, Thank you for buying Chords of Life and updating me about it!

Saadia, thank you for the Real Neat Blog Award.

Thankssss to Maryam, for joining me on my blogging journey and leaving so many beautiful and heart warming comments. Welcome to all the other new readers who have joined in and followed. I’ll meet you up on your blogs soon ❤

A special thanks to Maria, Bhakti and Kruti for keeping me sane and as a constant support behind the curtains.

There are so many comments I have got to reply to, Just let me get back on my blogging feet, I’ll reply soon and start catching up on what you guys have been up to on your blogs as well! It’s not entirely possible for me to catch up on each and every one of your posts since the past month and more, so please feel free to leave a link to any of the old posts you might  want me to give a read, I would love to check them out!

I hope you guys would forgive me for this unannounced break. See ya soon ❤ ❤


Don’t forget I LOVE YOUUUU all…!!!

Yesterday, I Was Broken (2014 in review)

Brace yourselves peeps this is going to be a long one, I urge you guys to get a warm cup of coffee, put your feet up on the table and read away (An end of the year post is bound to get a bit long so just this once please give me a free pass) ! ❤

I’d been thinking of writing an end of the year post for a while now, You can say kinda like New Year’s Resolution but every time I sat to write I couldn’t find the right words to describe how I’d been feeling throughout this past year and what I wanted to say at the moment. I just couldn’t find the words to say it all, describe how and what I wanted to say. A few days ago I was going through blogs in my reader as I usually do and I came across this fabulous post by Ramisa and I instantly  knew ! I KNEW THIS WAS IT. This was everything I ever wanted to say about myself but could never summon enough strength to write this beautifully and accurately. It was quiet scary to see how true it all settled with me. Every single line is a reflection of me, mirroring my thoughts. If I could I would try to prove that somehow Ramisa has these mind-reading capabilities and she somehow got into my mind at night as I was in deep slumber and stole my thoughts but I can’t prove it (Some day Ramisa someday! 😉 Haha 😀 )

As a little introduction to Ramisa, Here is an excerpt from her About page:

“I love fluffy rabbits that walk around with cute backpacks and have an obsession with cookies-and-cream ice-cream. I love talking to people and simultaneously I appreciate being alone. A bibliophile at heart, an appreciator of technology and of food, I aspire to accomplish the (sadly) impossible goal of hugging every rabbit on this planet. But that won’t stop me from trying.”

See how adorable she is along with being an incredible writer??! What are you waiting for people? Go on, hop over to her blog, read more of her About page, discover more of her awesome posts and say Hi.

Ramisa The Authoress

Now enough with the small talk, let’s cut to the chase, With her due permission I’m sharing this post today on my blog. A huge thanks to Ramisa for letting me publish it here as a way to express myself.

Broken [adj.] having given up all hope; despairing.

Yesterday, sunlight streamed through my windows and onto my large cup of tea, which I sipped serenely. Light reflected off every wall, warmed the beige curtains and my relaxed cheeks, evolving me into a cocoon akin to wrapping myself in blankets on a winter’s night. But then, I remembered –the raspy bitterness, unbearable pain and acute hopelessness of those surrounding me; streaks of black staining their cheeks with their innermost confessions, laced with gritted teeth and wide eyes. Butterflies barged against my ribcage relentlessly, the sweetness of the tea with two-spoons-of-sugar subsiding, sunlight no longer comforting.

Yesterday, accusations of possessing a heart composed of ice were flung at me. While my mother passionately wept for lost souls on news reports, I viewed them as mere numbers; a fact I had no capacity of changing, and should therefore ignore. This apathy defined my character. Maybe this was the evident conclusion–perhaps there was, indeed, something uncanny about my heart and its persistent avoidance of emotions. It took this entire year to recognize the truth: I feel too deeply.

Yesterday, my soul gravitated towards broken people, or theirs to mine–whichever it is, I am not quite sure. I cut myself on their sharp pieces and tenderly stroked sore spots, letting their emotions gulf my own fragmented heart to dilute their emotions. Simultaneously, I verbalised the right words with honey-covered hope and sugary faith. But the emotions linger. Once they latched onto my heart, they had no intention of separating. Soon, this pain I absorbed becomes my own; scattered feelings prevent myself from functioning, often for multiple days in a row.

Yesterday, delusions of broken people preoccupied my time. Those who depicted the slightest trait of insecurity, lack of wholeheartedness or possessed evident fear received my attention and care. In the process, I became friends with mismatched personalities, recognizing only afterwards that our closeness was derived from my constant desire to fix them: I’d worry about their jagged pieces, uncover methods to assist the mending, and in essence, lose myself in them. With time, they piece themselves together and finally acknowledge the light once again; meanwhile, their darkness has suffocated me.

Yesterday, I realized that my ethereal gravitation towards broken people reveals a great amount about myself: this constant desire to help others offers distraction from my own problems. Amidst being preoccupied with issues beyond myself and responsibility, I neglect my own brokenness. Perhaps the reason behind my attraction to shattered pieces is to fill the void within myself –one, I recently found, cannot be mended with anything else except self-love.

Yesterday, I learnt one thing: you cannot fix people. They need to fix themselves. But you can love them dearly and accept them for who they are, including their shattered pieces.


Yesterday, I was broken, caught in a desperate routine of fixing surrounding people to avoid personal issues, allowing darkness to overshadow glimpses of light on my cheeks. I did not deserve sunlight –or so I felt. My only happiness was derived from other smiles, temporarily masking the emptiness within myself, before eventually crackling to dust; these short-lived bursts of happiness were never permanent.

Today, I am not quite healed, but I accept the sunlight warming my cheeks. Whether I’m worthy of this profound light, or if darkness is more suitable no longer poses a question. Tenderness settles within the environment, the mirror, and the light. I drink my tea in serenity without my mind inexplicably venturing through an interminable tunnel with no exit.

Tomorrow, I will love myself unconditionally, wholeheartedly, and offer the same acceptance to those around me. Although I will never stop empathizing with others –while I initially considered this trait a curse, I’ve recently acknowledged it as a beautiful gift–the constant need to fix them would fade. I will embrace every shower of light, perceiving the brilliance as a reflection of myself.

The only person I can fix is myself; little by little, the light will become my essence, my definition.

Last but by no means least, The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 25,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 9 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

I would personally like to thank each and everyone of you for sticking with me throughout this year, through thick and thins by which I mean my numerous hiatuses, weird tantrums and posts. There are awesome people who have become more than just bloggers, they are a part of my virtual community and friendships that I hold very dear to my heart.

Wish you all a Happy New Year. Cheers to another year of blogging and hopefully many more. ❤

Lots of love and Good vibes your way,
Zee ❤

(P.S A special special thanks to those people who didn’t fall asleep while reading this post and didn’t skim through it either. A big bear hug to y’all! And to people who snoozed away while reading it, I’d still give you credit for at least trying, so an A for effort! )

Gone, But Not For Long

Weekly Photo Challenge: Show us something that is lost, but not forgotten.

This is the photograph of a flower from my backyard. As the winters have proceeded, it has lost it’s petals and has started to wilt. But it still holds a certain beauty to it. And even though it is going to be lost for sometime, it will come back again next season with the same vibrant colors and natural charm.

“Not until we are lost do we being to find ourselves.”
-Henry David


Hello there my shinning stars !
Today I’m writing this small note to let you guys know that I’ve to go on hiatus for two weeks. Why you ask,or you probably didn’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway, is because of exams. Yup, The impending doom of exams is right above my head.  I need an ocean full of luck, so feel free to send me good vibes ! Sorry I won’t be able to read your blogs in meanwhile but I promise I’ll catch up after two weeks. Can’t say it enough but I love you all, Thank you for your constant support and putting up with my numerous hiatuses during all this time, for your patience and the unending love ❤

As I won’t be posting for the next two weeks, decided to share some stuff today to stock you guys up for the days I won’t be posting and something to remember me by 😉

Quotes of the week:


I would also like to share this song by Ed Sheeran, which I have been listening to lately. It’s lyrics are so relatable and beautifully written, my favorite part :

It’s alright to die
‘Cause death’s the only thing you haven’t tried
But just for tonight hold on

Go on, give it a listen and Enjoy 🙂

And in the end, Last but not least, a huge ‘Bear’ Hug to y’all ! See you guys in two weeks hopefully, I’ll be gone but not for long.


Look who’s back? Back…Again!

Wohoooooooooo !!!! I have no idea how to make a grand entry into this world of majestic blogging….AGAIN! So let’s have a mini dance party and here are some dance gifs to help you with some inspirational moves !

P.S try to look a little less retarded than these guys below.

                                                                     *CUE MUSIC*


I’m not sure if this guy is having an epileptic seizure or is he actually dancing?

I don't even know what to call this.... :/

I don’t even know what to call this…. :/

And here is Will Smith failing miserably at Moon walking...But hey YOU can do better.. I believe in you !

And here is Will Smith failing miserably at Moon walking…But hey YOU can do better.. I believe in you !

Then we have 'The Pelvic Thrust' : Making people uncomfortable since its origin ! YOU ARE WELCOME.

Then we have ‘The Pelvic Thrust’ : Making people uncomfortable since its origin !

No dancing is complete, Without dancing on the table ! Get up there people !

No dancing is complete without dancing on the table. What are y’all waiting for? Get up their people !

AAAaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!! SO in short this is how excited I am for being back to blogging ! ^_^

SO in short this is how excited I am for being back to blogging ! ^_^

Now that we have our mini dance party and excited screaming let’s come back to discussing some changes. After One and a half month of final exams which were an absolute torture I couldn’t wait to get back to blogging. I just noticed my last post was on Jun 13, 2014. so It’s been almost 3 months since I left my baby here  and all of you ! *starts sobbing*

I’m so sorry! *starts crying hysterically*

Some morphine would work perfectly

Some morphine would work perfectly fine

Nothing a dose of morphine can’t fix ! I feel much better now. I’ve exactly 30 days to catch up on blogging before my new semester starts and I’ll be caught up in the whirlwind of same hectic routine. You’ll be seeing a lot of changes on my blog. Starting with the theme/layout. I’m thinking of changing it, although I changed it like 6 months ago but those were the darker days thus the dark theme. I’m not completely out of it but I’ve come out much better than before. I’m gonna try to make it a bit cheery and happy so bear with me as I make some changes. Feel free to give me some feedback on it too as I look forward to it. It will mean a lot

Coming to the content of blog, I’ll be writing and sharing pretty much everything, meaning I’m not going to stick to one genre. There will be humor, poetry and some pretty depressing shit so If you are looking for something specific this blog is probably not the right place for you. If you like to read just humor or only the serious stuff you can just skip reading the stuff you don’t like.I’ll also be introducing some new categories and segments. I thought of making a separate blog for sharing serious stuff but the thing is I can barely keep up with one let alone two. So In short this blog is going to be about everything. I hope you guys don’t mind.

Last but not least, The most important thing, out pouring support from everyone was overwhelming. I can’t express how incredibly thankful I am for all of you. The ‘checking up on me’ messages and leaving loving comments here. Thank you so much to each and every single person. I’m nothing without your love. Also welcome to all the new followers and all the people who commented while I was on hiatus, I appreciate that you took time to read and leave here your thoughts. I’ll get back to all of you. I can’t wait to read everyone, to see what you guys have been up to while I was away !

One more announcement, Thank you so much for all the awards, It’s an honor to see that you find me worthy of all of em. But I don’t think  I’ll be able to catch up on all of them and I don’t want them to go to waste. So from now on I won’t be accepting any awards. Thank you for thinking of me anyways.

See you and read you soon peeps!

Zee ❤

I’m Sorry


Yes yes yes I know I’ve been away for quiet a while. I’m always disappearing on you guys, Don’t I?
I’m sorry, I really am. I miss visiting your blogs and reading what you guys are up to. I’m sorry I’ve not been there quiet often. I haven’t even opened my blog since almost one week. This traveling thing is really getting on my nerves. As most of you already know I get home pretty late, then I’m really tired to do anything.

Meanwhile when I was gone, I was given bunch of awards by pretttyyy Ivy over at Ivy_Mosquito | Love is free, Thank you so much Ivy !

AND Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award by sweeeeett Lydia over at Lydia Devadason.

AND The Sunshine Award by dear Nanami over at Bunny Slippers !!!!

Whaatttttt??? Oh my God !!! I’ll get crushed under the weight of SO many awards !

Thank you sooo much dear Lydia Nanomi and Ivy. I’m honored that you thought of me for these awards. Again sorry for getting to these late.



Now on to new posts, after trying to keep up with normal ‘blogging everyday’ thing and failing at it miserably I’ve decided to post every weekend from now on. I’ll do a new post every weekend because that will give me more time to visit all other awesome blogs in week days and will give me time to settle in my tiring routine.

Also I am thinking of adding some new posts ideas. Let’s see how it goes considering how much time I have. (Okay that last line seemed like I’m about to die and writing you guys a goodbye note :/ So to be clear I’m alive and well ! If it didn’t seem like what it sounded to me then please ignore and proceed to read. Another example of how I have tendency to go off topic. )


One thing I feel MOST guilty about as I have mentioned above is not visiting and reading your posts. I swear that is the most guilty I feel every single day. I mean lets admit it blogging goes both ways. If I could I would stay at your blogs all the time. Just know I try my best so If I miss your posts please forgive me.

I love you for taking time to visit my blog, read my posts and leave your thoughts with me even though I don’t get to visit you that often any more. I’m so grateful to have all of you in my WordPress family and in my life. How did I get so lucky???

Love, Love, Love you !!! ❤ ❤ ❤


Yes that is how much I love you ! :’)

A Dark Place

Hello my people !!!
I’m back just as I promised but not in the same state of mind, I’m sorry to say!

Mid-Term exams are finally over, To be honest they have been over for about three days now but I didn’t feel like writing or reading or doing anything for that matter, I can’t explain to you how much mental and to some extent physical strength I had to muster to write just this one post.

I’ve had a bad couple of weeks. A lot of changes happened in such a little amount of time that even I have a hard time comprehending how it all changed. My exams went “OKAY” (meaning: Not that good) but I’ll live. My very good friend had some serious health issues which shook me very badly. One of my most favorite actor Paul walker, who I grew up watching died suddenly and unexpectedly in a car crash, You might know him from his role in Fast and the furious film series. He was my very first (and will always be) celebrity crush honestly speaking. 2 Fast & 2 Furious was the very first English movie I ever watched. Me and my older brother used to watch this movie every weekend when I was 9 or 10 years old. I of course didn’t know him personally but he always occupied a part of my heart so I’m extremely sad and shocked over this tragedy.  This is the first time I’m truly  touched and affected by the death of celebrity. Here’s a video as a tribute to Paul.

And then there is a serious problem with my mental state. A.Very.Serious.Problem.

I’m seriously considering to stop blogging or maybe take a long break until I’m finally feeling like myself again. I’m fine physically but mentally I’m a mess. I’m broken into million pieces and I feel confused due to gazillion reasons. So overall I’m not feeling good. I’m not ready to talk about it on this forum YET. But maybe I’ll get there someday.

Also my studies are getting harder with each passing day, My Mid-term exams are just over but our Final exams date sheet is already up. So finals are after almost a month.

Thank you and welcome to my new awesome followers who found my random blog worthy enough to read. The same goes for my dear friends who are already a part of my word press community. I can’t say it enough, I love you all ! ❤

This song portrays my present state of mind, if not exactly, then at least quite well. Also the video of this song contains a great message so it is worth sharing.

Here are the lyrics to this song:
“Demons” by Imagine Dragons.

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

Curtain’s call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you’ve made

Don’t wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don’t wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it’s what you make
I say it’s up to fate
It’s woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can’t escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide


Daily Prompt: As Seen on TV

Write a script for a late-night infomercial — where the product is your blog. How do you market yourself? What qualities do you embody that other “products” don’t? What are the benefits of reading your blog?


In all honesty, I DON’T KNOW !
Seriously, I’m honored by the fact that absolutely awesome people choose to read my blog but I fail to find anything that my blog has and others don’t. They are way better than me without any doubt.
So I can’t help but be thankful to all the amazing people who find SOMETHING in my blog worth reading . I’m ME because of YOU!
All I can say is, thank you for seeing SOMETHING in me and supporting me.

So I’m Taking a different route today by doing the photography thing:

My community

Daily Prompt: Community Service

Your entire community — however you define that; your hometown, your neighborhood, your family, your colleagues — is guaranteed to read your blog tomorrow. Write the post you’d like them all to see.


My community….I consider my friends, some people from my family and my fellow bloggers & word press family my community.

I’m going to keep it short and simple as I’m very tired. A good fun day though, with my family as it is Eid-Ul-Adha today. (I’ll tell you guys more about the day in another post)

I know this very well that I don’t show my love for you very ofter, but today I NEED you to know that I love you guys. I appreciate every single thing you have ever done for me. You guys are the ones who have kept me sane in adversities I’ve faced and still facing. Your love and support has kept me going.

Life is very difficult, Its hard to hold on so Thank you for making me laugh, for making me feel loved, for making me feel wanted despite of the all the shit.

Whether it is a shoulder to cry on, kind words in form of a comment, a lame joke that makes me wanna slap you on your face, or a compliment that makes me want to kiss you on your cheek. I appreciate everything you have ever done for me. Thank you so much.

I hope you’ll give me a benefit of doubt when I’ve done something you don’t understand. I hope you’ll forgive me for the mistakes I’ve made.

I can’t ever repay you for your love and support. All I can do is to be there for you the same way you have always been there for me.

All I can do is thank God for sending me you guys. You are the best. I love you, You make me wanna be a better person. Thank you so much for everything.

Here are some songs that describe exactly how I feel right now and all the things I want to say to you guys and gals:

Charlene Soraia – Wherever You Will Go

OneRepublic – Good Life

Mat Kearney – Closer To Love

Michael Bublé – “Feeling Good”

( P.S I’m having some problems with my word press account due to which I’m not able to see any of the notifications.  But don’t hesitate to share your thoughts. Just wanted you to know that I’ll reply you as soon as this problem is fixed
Thank you for sticking with me. )