Heart is a despicable little thing. It get’s out of hand every single time I let it loose a little. Made a huge mistake, I let my guards down and it fluttered out of it’s gilded cage. Out in the unprecedented territories. Gosh I hate it when it does that. Curious little thing ends up getting hurt every single time. And I end up having to put band aids over all the bruises on it as It winces and cries out in pain while I cuss it for attempting to leave it’s cage. Heart is so selfish. It doesn’t understand the collateral damage it leaves behind every single time it escapes. It doesn’t understand it is me, who has to clean up the mess it makes. Selfish little thing, only thinks of itself. So here I am again, putting back together the pieces it broke in the process, trying to suture it back with minimal scarring. I have to admit I’m becoming quiet good at this, fixing the broken pieces over and over again. But I’ve found a way to keep heart in it’s gilded cage forever now. Yeah, then heart won’t be able to escape. This fickle heart will soon know it’s place.
Broken creatures are often labelled as selfish… Maybe because they are. In a totally unselfish way.
Once a soul is broken, it is very rare that somebody sees it, somebody fixing it is even rarer. Broken souls are a wonder, they are the most resilience creatures that can ever exist On earth. You see the thing is they are lost but they have so much radiance it illuminates whichever path they pass through. They leave their mark.
Lost where you ask? Themselves of course. Since nobody else can uncover the mystery they are, they themselves try to figure it out. Putting together the puzzle, broken pieces that are. It’s like a Maze within their minds and souls. They are in a constant struggle to find a home where they belong. In the process they become lost, in search. They are forever trying to understand the puzzle, that is their heart. Since nobody else can do it, they have to do it for their self. It’s not an easy task. It requires patience, resilience and love. Love which is often lacking on their part. Love which is over flowing for others but non-existent when it’s time to give themselves back.
They are selfish, yes. Because they are so lost within themselves to ever see there are people around who might be willing to give them love. The Love; they deserve, The love; they need.
So be good crazy hearts, let’s give this love one more try.
I looked at the sunset the other day, like so many other times I have…But this time the whole scene was a bit different, There was a purple hue that I had never seen before on the sky. How it so perfectly complimented the reddish-orange splatter on that huge canvas…I want to paint you like that, I want to unfold your every color and be surprised by it every single time. I want to look at you with awe and admire every pore on your body. I want to know every color that you have underneath that skin. I want you to take those colors and splash me with it. Soak me with your being. Every inch of me. I want to drown in the depth of your colors and be lost…Forever.
It’s strange how we always look for a ‘place’ to belong, when most of the time that ‘place’ is usually a person we are looking for, those lasting connections that stick with us for a lifetime. It’s not the place that makes us feel at home, it’s the people or a person who extends us the warmth and love that envelops us to make us feel at home. After all what’s an empty house without its inhabitants who makes it a home. What’s a place to belong without a person who makes it worthwhile a stay there. We all, one way or another are searching for a place to belong. Where we could be us. No questions asked. Plane simple us. No judgment passed. A place meant for us alone, whether it’s a hand that fits perfectly in ours, or a shoulder where our head rests after a day spent apart. Or an embrace whose warmth makes everything alright. A place, somewhere only we know.
There is a reason why we ‘Fall’ in love, maybe it’s because we fall from a place of familiarity to the realms unknown to us before. We fall, we stumble, we twirl, we curl, we feel so much, from nothing to everything at once. It’s a state of change. It’s our hearts falling from a state of plateau and into state of arrhythmic revolting sensations. Every fiber in our bodies falling from a state of sensory comatose to sensory over load. It’s a continuous state of falling from places, feeling high and falling again. It’s a roll coaster. And you know what they say about roll coasters? They are exhilarating!
Weekly Photo Challenge: Ephemeral
I thought I could build barricade for my words, conceal them, imprison them, hide them. But boy oh boy was I wrong. The words were too strong for any barricade to hold. They demolished the high rise walls of my insecurities and flowed with high tide of emotions, crashing mercilessly against the paper. The thoughts that were held captive for far too long, broke to their freedom in a magical moment of catharsis,finding their release out from my restless fingers. Finally, the freedom they always craved for, was granted to them and my aching heart was set free.
All of us get lost…somewhere, at some point in our lives. We all hope to be found, by someone, by anyone.
We all get lost, sometimes deliberately. Hoping someone would be brave enough to come find us. We hide in the places only we know. And we leave behind clues for people to come find us. But not everyone can figure out those clues. We get lost and hope that someone, somewhere would miss us and come looking for us, venture after us to bring us back home. That is how some of us validate ourselves. We get lost deliberately hoping to be found. That is what some of us do to feel loved. To feel needed. To feel wanted. We get lost.
And all we can do is, pray to dear God, that someone would love us enough to bring us back.
We get lost to get found.
Fresh from the backyard today.
I was introduced to this on Akhiz’s blog, so with his due permission I’m sharing it here today. He himself writes so beautifully, please take some time to visit this amazing human and his just as amazing blog (Akhiz Munawar) !
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.
Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”