A Quintessential Downfall

At first it was just one pill. Then it were two. And then it didn’t take long for two to turn into three, three into four and four into five. And soon she forgot the count of how many she took. She chewed on her bottom lip until it was raw and bleeding. She liked the pain. But then why was she trying so hard to escape it if she liked the pain as much as she claimed?

Her heart was a black hole she was slowly disintegrating into, disappearing into. Like getting lost into the oblivion of her own self. Her soul had parted from her body a long time ago. Maybe that is why it was so much easier to self destruct. To let herself fall of the edge. It wasn’t jumping off the edge that was hard.
It was the fall.
The infinite drop – a misery of its own.
The anticipation of the splat.
The sound of her shattering, crumbling, collapsing…
Reducing to rubble after imploding, exploding and smashing to smithereens.

What a demise
A dissolution of masterstroke,
A paragon unsolved,
A quintessence misunderstood,
A baffling downfall and a mystifying tale.
Finally, Coming to an end.

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Oblivion Over Chaos

Night

For now there is no victory.

Night is where the serenity lies, Where the quiet seems to stretch on forever and ever. Where I’m away from all the chaos. Where I get to forget about everything, close my eyes and drift away.

I get to forget. Everything.

For a moment everything seems to have settled. I wish it could stretch on forever.

Some say they fear oblivion but I’d rather stay in this oblivion of the night than face the dread that comes with the day. Nothing can happen in the night as I sleep. Nothing.

I get to disappear and forget. It’s the place I’d love to stay. Just sleep and never wake up. For the day brings with it chaos, misery and pain. And I can’t, I can’t take it anymore. For the day reminds me that the other shoe will always drop, that happiness isn’t a target I can nail. I don’t get to do that. I get nothing. Nothing.

And I’m afraid I won’t be able to catch myself if I fall. I can’t fall now. I can’t. I just can’t. When it took me a long time to get back up, piece by piece slowly I picked myself up with every ounce of strength and every ounce of what was left in me- I gave it my all. And I’m afraid I’ve nothing to give now. Nothing. Nothing at all. So I can’t fall now. I can’t. This night needs to stretch on forever and ever and ever. I need to sleep and never wake up.

I’d rather choose this oblivion over that chaos.

This will be my last post for a little while. Going on a 
short break, See you all soon. 
Much love <3