Release Me

Daily Prompt: Release Me
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/20/daily-prompt-free/

Tell us about the blog post you were most nervous to publish — and what it was like to set it free.
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I’ve a hard time talking about my feelings but through writing, I’ve found a way to release. I still have a hard time writing about somethings but Well its a start…maybe someday I’ll be courageous enough to write about that stuff.

So far there are two blog posts I had a hard time writing about and was a little nervous if I should write about it or not.

One of them was the Battle with myself, why I was nervous about writing it was because that was the first time I came close to hurting myself. Sure I had thoughts about it before but I never came so close to do it. One of the reasons was because I had strong faith. My faith made me hold on to the glimmer of light and hope. But in those days I was a little out of faith, I’ve to admit I became close to becoming depressed, maybe I did become depressed. And in that slight moment of discretion I became too close to hurting myself.
To be honest I wasn’t courageous enough to do it (People keep telling me that it doesn’t mean I was a coward, It means I was strong enough to resist it, but I don’t think that was the case. If I even had a ounce of courage in me, I would have cut myself for sure. I was that depressed.)
Well anyways, I’m glad I wasn’t able to do it. Thanks God, my weakened faith started to get stronger. That EPISODE of depression faded away. I’m glad I was able to write about it and release my anger through that.

The second post has to be Rest In peace series (part 1 & part 2). I wasn’t nervous about writing this post, but It was hard for me to write about it. Coping with death is not easy. There was no one I could talk to, I’m not very vocal about how I feel so family wasn’t on my list to talk to about it. My best friend couldn’t be here at that time. So to be honest I couldn’t wait to write about it. The very first thing I did when I came back from the funeral was to write about it. I wanted to get it all out. To tell someone about every detail about it. But to tell the whole world about it was the hard part. I was unsure how people would react to it. I couldn’t bear anything bad being said about that, because that post was very close to me.

But eventually I did write about it. I did publish it. I was able to get it all out. Most importantly, as i wrote the Part 2: Peace Of The Present Moment , Everything became clearer and clearer to me, I was able to get a good lesson out of it. I felt more at peace with myself. Obviously it still hurts to think about my niece, it still hurts every time I look at my brother and see his sad smile but life goes on…We have to move on and as I said before, Learn to live in peace of the present moment.
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