No More.

One day I will die and all that would be left of me would be an echo. With time even that would disappear.Some will hold few memories but even those would dissipate with time. And all that would be left of me in this world will be nothing but a name who once existed…but no more.

In response to Daily Prompt

Weekly Photo Challenge: Nighttime

I took this photograph last winters when my friend and I went for a little walk outside in the rain. We drank some hot soup on the way too. It was a pretty memorable night for me. ^_^

P.S I had to look long and hard to find this. This is the only nighttime photograph I could find so gotta go with this.
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Dear Friend (Building Walls)

Why did I even cry for you
When I had been repeatedly being lied to…
By you…

I’m so stupid,
So so stupid
To ever think we could last
When a part of me always knew
You and I…are over
A little too soon…
But hopefully for good.

This is me giving it a closure
To a friendship of 7 years
I tried my best to hold on
But now its time to let go
Goodbye my old friend,
You were once my best friend
A part of me will always love you
Cling on to the memories of I and you
Memories is the only thing that lasted
Everything crashed around us,
Including the promises we made…
Of sticking together always.

I’m sorry old friend, I was holding on
But now I’m letting go.
Not that you care,
Nor that it effects you
It’s for me, for once…
This burden has to go
I forgive you
Its forgetting that is hard though.
I’ll try my best..
After all, these walls I’m building;
They have to come handy once in a while or so…

Remembering You…

Daily Prompt: Always Something There to Remind Me

A song comes on the radio and instantly, you’re transported to a different time and place. Which song(s) bring back memories for you and why? Be sure to mention the song, and describe the memory it evokes.

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The very first song that popped in my head after reading this prompt is “Lucky” by Jason Mraz. I used to sing this song to my once best friend. We are still friends but we are just not the same. I miss her. This song is a testament to how much I loved her and I still do but we have changed.
This song reminds me of good times I spent with her. We used to study in the same tuition center as well as in the same class in school.  We would always get some free time at the end of the day in tuition, so she and I would sit, talking about everything, ranging from family shit to personal shit and everything in between. I still remember standing in the balcony one night, waiting for our parents to pick us up, we were looking at the stars and peeking in other people houses and doing crazy things. I sang to her this song and we slow danced, goofing around. We always used to do that, it was kind of our inside joke.

We were really really close in school. Then we parted ways as we went to different colleges for 11th and 12th grade. We still kept in touch. But something changed within her. I’m not saying I’m picture perfect of course it takes two to tango. But I tried my best to hold on to her. My college days were not that good, they were practically the two worst years of my life. I made friends but we weren’t really on the same page, it was just for the sake of not having to spent two years alone.  I remember one day I came back home and for the first time in my life I was missing someone. I missed my best friend terribly. I cried and cried. Never before in my life have I ever missed someone. That was something new for me. She was fast to make friends in her new college. Don’t get me wrong I’m pretty good with making friends as well and I did make friends but I didn’t find someone who I could connect with on a deeper level. So She had pretty good time and I’m happy that she found people where she felt belonged. Me on the other hand was one big mess. I couldn’t wait for college to be over.

Now that I think about where we went wrong, its because she started keeping secrets from me. When I make friends I don’t expect them to tell me every single secrets of there’s. Maybe its because I don’t tell people mine. I keep things to myself so same way I respect other people’s privacy the way I want them to respect mine. But I don’t like being lied to. If you don’t want to tell me stuff, Don’t ! Just simply tell me on my face that you don’t want to tell me. But don’t lie to me. And this is exactly what happened. When I would ask her about something, she would deny it or withhold the information that she thought I didn’t know. But I knew everything from my other friend. Call me crazy but it hurt me that she would tell some other person about something and not me but the WORST PART was that she was lying about it to me, It hurt me very deeply because she was suppose to be my best friend.

I tried for a while, I gave her multiple chances, I held on but then it was time to let go of her. The time I spent with her was one of the best memories I’ll ever have in my heart and in my mind. I still miss our old friendship, I miss her terribly at times. It was hard letting go but I had to do it to save myself from getting more hurt.

We still call each other best friends…but I know and she knows in our hearts…that they are just…mere words.

Dance On!

Daily Prompt: What are your earliest and fondest memories of dance?

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One thing I want to make clear is, I’m not good with memories. I don’t remember much from my childhood except a few extremely significant events. Similarly I’ve an attention span of a freakin’ goldfish.

Now Coming to dance, as my mom tells me I was cute little dancer at my uncle’s wedding. I was probably three years old then and apparently everyone from my family remembers my dance performance EXCEPT ME! So I guess this is true :
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Every single time when their is a family gathering, my that dance performance is discussed to this day. According to them I danced my ass off with my other cousin who is one year older than me (meaning he was four then). He and I danced hand in hand, me in my orange tutu  frock and he with his buzz cut hair and a suit !

In normal circumstances I wouldn’t have believed them but they even have a photographic evidence for my this crime. I searched really hard for that photograph but unfortunately I wasn’t able to find it now so you will have to make do with this by Imagining this little me dancing around in an orange tutu:

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Yes this is me, always a little adventurous and fashionable at the same time 😀

Scared-Phobia


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I still remember to this day, The trigger of my phobia. I’ve heard it is very unusual for people to remember their trigger. They usually suppress the memories. But I remember it as clear as a day.

It was about 10 years ago, I was in Karachi (Largest city of Pakistan) to meet some relatives,  we had just arrived there and on our way from train station to their house.  My Aunt came to pick us up and I was sitting in the car in the back seat with my mom. We came across a U-turn and my aunt told my mom that a man was killed right there. She went about telling the whole story of the murder(which I don’t remember clearly) as I listened to it.

That was the day after which I started to get scared. Really scared. I was scared of being alone in the dark. Afraid that something or someone will get to me. Kill me. I don’t know what this phobia is called medically to this day. But all i know is, it wasn’t just a normal fear. I was paranoid !
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I was scared of everything that moved in the dark. I always thought there was something lurking in the dark waiting for me to close my eyes and it’ll jump out and grab me.
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And the worst part was it wasn’t only when I was alone, even if somebody was sleeping with me I would always feel a presence with me. I would still be as much scared.

I guess I can say that I was actually scared that somebody was gonna kill me.
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I can’t count the sleepless nights I spent rolling in the bed. I was scared even to roll to my side as I was sure something will attack me if my back is to it. So I always laid on my back, face facing upward and trying to look side to side with my two eyes (although at that time I wished I had four eyes so I could look everywhere).

For more than 10 years,  I had to endure this fear. It was really hard for me to cope with it. I still remember the fear and the darkness I felt lying on my little bed. Wanting to sleep so bad but wasn’t able to.
Everything in the dark was my enemy and I had to fight a really hard battle.

I was afraid to watch any horror movie or drama or anything like that.
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I don’t know why but with time that fear started to subside. I started to become less and less conscious about it as I got more involved and busy with my studies.
I was afraid to watch horror movies as I mentioned before, but when I saw it once, I found out I wasn’t that scared of them anymore.

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I was searching for a reason, Why do we fear? I came across this answer:

Most fears are nothing but movements of thoughts. A thought is a language that we give for words, pictures and feelings. Put in a different way, a thought is just a movement of word, picture and feeling… You interpret a thought in your mind in a language that you are afraid, and you experience fear.

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As I thought more and more about it and tried to find my answer I realized why that phobia faded away.

My phobia started when I was very little, maybe 8-10 years old, usually kids of that age don’t have much to do. Studies are not that hard and there isn’t any other personal life problem, you are just so in over yourself. All you do all day is THINK!

Think about stuff…any stuff…and considering above explanation of Why do we fear, my over-imaginative mind started to imagine uncontrollably. I was little, I had nothing really to do then but as I grew up , got busy with my studies and other life problems, my mind didn’t had any space left to think about the fear too. So as I got busier and busier, the fear started to fade away.

It doesn’t mean its completely gone, its there somewhere. It takes over sometimes. But its normal, I think everybody gets scared once in a while so I’m not that worried about it anymore.

Everybody has some kind of fear. It can be a fear of being alone, fear of some animal, fear of losing someone. Admit it, EVERYBODY has fear of something but the key is not to let it rule you. You have to learn to overcome it,find the root cause of the problem and then take one step at a time.
You’ll get there one day. As i have. I’m sure!
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(Image credit: Google)

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/10/daily-prompt-frightening/

My Musical Progression

Daily Prompt: Eye of the Beholder
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/05/daily-prompt-beauty-2/

Describe what it feels like to hear a beautiful piece of music or see a stunning piece of art.

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The very first song that I can remember listening to was Hailie’s song by Eminem, which he wrote for his daughter Hailie.

I was very little then, 8 or 9 years old probably. I know I know it’s weird for a child to start her music listening career from Eminem. But lets face it that’s how it was for me. The reason? because my oldest brother was Eminem’s fan and he had all his albums, posters and stuff in his room. I was very close to him (although he was 11 years older than me) so we listened to songs together. Although at that time I didn’t understand a word he rapped in his songs (it was all blah jaba blah hala co co mama ca ca la la for me) but I don’t know why I just kept listening and eventually I started to understand them as well.

Then My very first favorite song (and surprisingly it still is) was MOCKINGBIRD by Eminem.
This is the song which is still very close to me even after 7 or 8 years. The very thing which I loved about it was that Eminem wrote it for his daughter. This is the fact that touched me very much then. I still remember I had a paper on which the lyrics to this song were printed and I used to take it every where with me and showed it to people as well so they would be inspired by it (Now that I look back at it I realize how stupid I was )
Here’s a link to its lyrical video if anybody wanna give it a listen:

I didn’t have a typical childhood musical progression, where you start from Barney and all the other children songs, then move on to more teenage stuff and then eventually adult music with all the swearing.
I actually had it the other way around. I started with “Eminem“, then progressed to “Hannah Montana” (currently known as Hammer licking and tongue obsessed maniac) and then there were the ever glorious days of “High School Musical” ! (if anyone still remember what that is?! Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, all the dancing and singing, anyone?)
In short I was in all that teenage shit (which these days is Justin beiber, One direction etc).

Though with time my music taste evolved. I was in much more mature phase. I liked very different music from others. A little slow, Sometimes a little ‘rock n roll’ and A little jazz maybe. I kinda listened to everything. I kinda liked everything as well.

But the very first song, I remember, which touched me after a very long period of time was Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran. The feeling I got when I listened to it….AH!
This is the song I cry to ALL THE TIME.
Specially the part where he says “Give me love like never before, ‘Cause lately I’ve been craving more”
Even If I had stopped crying, this line makes me cry harder. This is true after all. We all crave for love and sometimes in harder times we crave MORE.

The other piece of music which took my breath away, when I listened to it for the very first time was “Breathe ME” by this musical genius, Sia.
The lyrics, the music, everything about this song is perfection. I think it describes all of us to some extent, all our insecurities, needs and longings.

(If you want you can also check out her other songs, such as “Bring me down” and “Lullaby” )

After these, there comes a long list of songs which inspired me, helped me and mesmerized me. But these two songs were a milestone in my music progression.

What about you? Which were the songs which totally shook you or swept you from your feet?