Tonight.

The club lights were dancing, throwing patterns over the lost youth…vodka, whiskey, scotch, bourbon, tequila, crack cocaine, ecstasy, meth, amphetamine, roofies…you name it and you shall have it, with money of course. And she had enough to buy the whole club itself. She had tight black leotard on with sky-high heels, hair teased giving a rough yet sleek look, Black Kohl filled eyes masking the red in her big brown eyes and fiery red lips ready to devour whatever came her way. Despite of trying her best to look like just another trashed slut with daddy issues, she ended up looking the exact opposite.

Tonight she was going to drink, everything and anything that she could find on the shelf. She didn’t know what for or why so, all she knew was that there was something she needed to forget. Something that needed to be numbed. Too many things that need to be numbed.

Tonight she was going to drink and give life a middle finger on its face and walk away. Life was cruel too many times, while kind too less. And so she drank. That was the only thing she was good at apparently. She drank her sorrows away knowing all too well that she would regret it the very next day. But she drank anyway since life was not as easy to live as they said.

Like it’s in our control while we stumble and fall into ditch of unfathomable sadness. She drank and watched as the world crumbled around her feet. Tonight she was on a mission to destroy. She wasn’t sure what yet. The music was blazing and people around her were slavishly grooving to it like wild animals but all she saw were humans, lost…completely and utterly lost. Astray. Just like her.

For a moment she wanted everyone to disappear but the music and the dance floor and she imagined herself dancing lonely to it. She didn’t know how much time passed by as she wandered around in her imaginary world. She then lit a cigarette and imagined it all go down in flames.

She drank and drank until she was sure she wouldn’t remember a trace of tonight and all the thoughts it contained, the next morning.

Lest the morning came. Lest.

(The original song is only till 5:25 in the above link.This is one of my most favorite song. You can check out the music video for this song HERE. It’s worth it.)

Broken Creatures

Weekly Photo Challenge: Early Bird
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Broken creatures are often labelled as selfish… Maybe because they are. In a totally unselfish way.

Once a soul is broken, it is very rare that somebody sees it, somebody fixing it is even rarer. Broken souls are a wonder, they are the most resilience creatures that can ever exist On earth. You see the thing is they are lost but they have so much radiance it illuminates whichever path they pass through. They leave their mark.

Lost where you ask? Themselves of course. Since nobody else can uncover the mystery they are, they themselves try to figure it out. Putting together the puzzle, broken pieces that are. It’s like a Maze within their minds and souls. They are in a constant struggle to find a home where they belong. In the process they become lost, in search. They are forever trying to understand the puzzle, that is their heart. Since nobody else can do it, they have to do it for their self. It’s not an easy task. It requires patience, resilience and love. Love which is often lacking on their part. Love which is over flowing for others but non-existent when it’s time to give themselves back.

They are selfish, yes. Because they are so lost within themselves to ever see there are people around who might be willing to give them love. The Love; they deserve, The love; they need.

So be good crazy hearts, let’s give this love one more try.

Get Lost. Get Found

All of us get lost…somewhere, at some point in our lives. We all hope to be found, by someone, by anyone.

We all get lost, sometimes deliberately. Hoping someone would be brave enough to come find us. We hide in the places only we know. And we leave behind clues for people to come find us. But not everyone can figure out those clues. We get lost and hope that someone, somewhere would miss us and come looking for us, venture after us to bring us back home. That is how some of us validate ourselves. We get lost deliberately hoping to be found. That is what some of us do to feel loved. To feel needed. To feel wanted. We get lost.

And all we can do is, pray to dear God, that someone would love us enough to bring us back.

We get lost to get found.

Fresh from the backyard today.

I’ve Lost Again.

I thought my heart could know no more pain..
But i was wrong.
Today it hurts so much… I feel like it would burst..
Burst into spontaneous flames… And turn into dust…
That is how much it hurts.

But these words? Aren’t enough.
Today it hurts too much…
Today all I know is pain..
And I’m pretty sure tomorrow will be the same.

And the day after that, and the day after too…
till I lose all sense of time and space.

Please God, oh please tear this heart away,
I don’t want a heart that causes so much pain..
Today words fail me to explain.

Today this heart will turn to ashes, and I’ll take it in my hands and throw it towards the sky.. in hopes that it will mix with rain.. come back to Earth, washed and anew again.
Either that or disappear into the thin air so I won’t get to feel this way all over again.

Today it hurts too much… Too too much,
since words fail me over and over.

I really really hope this heart turns to dust, as it is already crushed…

For I’ve lost again…
And I cannot comprehend why do I get so little time,
With people I love…

I know I’m being selfish here,
There are people who must be hurting much more than us,
But I’ve been called selfish before,
Let’s not prove them wrong anymore.

So I’m being selfish, yes.
But today It’s hurting too much..
For I’ve lost someone…
Just like the time before that, and the time before that.

Is it because I do not deserve love?
Or is it because that’s how life works?
Whatever it is, all I know is, I lose people…
Too early and Too damn much.

Gone, But Not For Long

Weekly Photo Challenge: Show us something that is lost, but not forgotten.

This is the photograph of a flower from my backyard. As the winters have proceeded, it has lost it’s petals and has started to wilt. But it still holds a certain beauty to it. And even though it is going to be lost for sometime, it will come back again next season with the same vibrant colors and natural charm.

“Not until we are lost do we being to find ourselves.”
-Henry David

Lost


Hello there my shinning stars !
Today I’m writing this small note to let you guys know that I’ve to go on hiatus for two weeks. Why you ask,or you probably didn’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway, is because of exams. Yup, The impending doom of exams is right above my head.  I need an ocean full of luck, so feel free to send me good vibes ! Sorry I won’t be able to read your blogs in meanwhile but I promise I’ll catch up after two weeks. Can’t say it enough but I love you all, Thank you for your constant support and putting up with my numerous hiatuses during all this time, for your patience and the unending love ❤

As I won’t be posting for the next two weeks, decided to share some stuff today to stock you guys up for the days I won’t be posting and something to remember me by 😉

Quotes of the week:
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I would also like to share this song by Ed Sheeran, which I have been listening to lately. It’s lyrics are so relatable and beautifully written, my favorite part :

It’s alright to die
‘Cause death’s the only thing you haven’t tried
But just for tonight hold on

Go on, give it a listen and Enjoy 🙂

And in the end, Last but not least, a huge ‘Bear’ Hug to y’all ! See you guys in two weeks hopefully, I’ll be gone but not for long.

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UNCERTAINTY

UNCERTAINTY

For me what is most unfair in life is UNCERTAINTY !

Through out our lives we can’t be certain of anything, not even of the next minute let alone our whole life which is the most frightening part of our existence.Not knowing whats going to happen next.what life has in store for us.what tragedy or calamity is going to hit us out of the blue.we have no way of knowing the future.

This uncertainty has taken its tool at all of us more than once in our life time.We have been pushed around like a football, shaken, broken, torn and prodded by life taking advantage of our unknowing , surprising us.

While this can be frightening for some, there are some who choose to embrace this uncertainty and I think it is this uncertainty , the “Fear Of The Unknown” which makes life much more adventurous and mysterious. Which gives us confidence to hold our heads high and be strong inspite of whatever happens. This uncertainty gives us courage to charge on life like a Gladiator which has got everything to lose, which has no choice but to FIGHT, fight for his existence in this world, for his loved ones and most importantly himself !

But in the end, it depends on us whether we come out of this Battle with uncertainty, Triumphant or Lost …

CHANGE

Change….is it a good thing or a bad thing ? Mostly a good thing from what I’ve heard and i think that it is…looking back i am definitely not the same person  i was four or five years ago…heck i am not even the same person i was 10 minutes ago (wait that counts for a personality disorder…) lets make it a week ago ! Change is a good thing as long as it puts a positive impact on one’s life and usually change does that…at least it has done that for me for sometime. I have definitely become a better person or at least i strive to be one and I’ve been as successful as i can be. i have become more forgiving and tolerant of lot of things. I don’t think i could’ve forgiven people for a lot of things before but i can forgive them now. But i am going through these strange changes lately which are making me feel suffocated , frustrated and alone ! I don’t know what i am becoming any more. Will these changes make me a much ‘better’ person or a ‘bitter one’ ? I don’t know who i am anymore and i hate it ! Before this, all the changes came naturally to me almost like it was part of the human evolution, i didn’t even realize it happening until it was over and the changes were evident in my personality but for the very first time i can feel these changes, changing me from the inside.And the worst part about it is that, i don’t know where is this gonna leave me in the end ? Lets face it, Change is inevitable, it cannot be avoided…we all have to go through it at any cost at some point of our lives. But the most important thing is that it depends on us, how do we come out of it ? Triumphant or Lost…..