If Love Is Pain Then Darling, Let’s Hurt Tonight 

She holds my heart in her hands and we sit to talk. I need to feel warm and she needs to feel safe. We are quiet at the moment but stars speak. Her eyes glisten like emeralds as she flips and turns my heart in her hands carefully examining it. And I’m surprised how there isn’t even one moment of fear that crosses my mind that she might drop it. Because I know with surety she won’t.

I have never been as sure about anything in my life as I am about her. I am actually glad she has my heart in her hands because I fear it’s her touch that keeps it beating. Without her love, there will be just colourless voids and a heart that keeps forgetting to beat.

So we sat to talk. We should have talked. We could have talked. But we didn’t. Instead we just lay together staring into infinite space that looked nothing less than pure magic. I wanted her to tell me things, anything. Lot of things. Everything. Just hear her speak. But her eyes were too loud for me to hear anything else at that moment. So I stared at her while she stared at the stars.

I didn’t want us to be mere accident like something that just happens one day unexpectedly. I wanted us to be on purpose- that just has to be for a reason. I wanted to love her on purpose and not like an accident.

She was a calm whisper in a world that was too loud. And although she was a chaos herself, I knew she could calm the storm within me.

She broke her eye contact with the stars and looked at me. And all it took was flash of a second, for me to know; I’d be a fool to let her go. Because she needed me as much as I needed her. And together, we were going to heal and glue back together our broken pieces.

It has always been her and me.

All those empty cervixes inside us that echoed with scars that still bled and thunders that still ripped us apart from time to time. It has always been her and me. And we, together, were going to heal.

Hence, she holds my heart in her hands to keep it beating, while I hold her close so she can breathe easy. I’m never leaving her side nor she needs to fall because she’s already safe in my arms. She doesn’t need to break herself anymore to prove anything.

I’m sure now, it has always been; her and me. And there is no way I’d rather have it be.

(Daily post: Corner, magnetic, homage, rhyme, critical )

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Rise Up


2016:

It has been both the best and worst year. Worse because I hit the rock bottom in each and every sense of the way; personally, socially, academically, spiritually, religiously. Sure I’ve been damaged in too many ways. Sure I have had my bleak days. Bad days. Dark days. Darker days. Darkest days. In a way it has been an year of disappointments after disappointments.

But the best because i couldn’t have learned the things I learned any other way. Best because now I know there is no way but up from here. Best because I know now if I survived that, I can survive anything. Best because even through everything, at the end of the day I’m filled with so much gratitude that my heart is about to explode in utter submission to His expended benevolence. I cannot be anything but thankful. I’ve realised it’s in the process of losing that we gain. But most importantly I learned to notice the collateral beauty in absolute devastation.

Today my heart is swelled with gratitude. For all the things and all the people who have extended towards me so much kindness. For God, who has never left my side despite of countless times I’ve turned my back. Despite of the times where I shut everything down and away. None of it even matters anymore since here I am standing. I’ve wobbled and stammered, fell and shattered but Here I am. Living, breathing and struggling.

Today, I’m proud of myself for making through one hell of an year. And immensely thankful for what I have, especially few friends who have been there for me through all the shit. You know who you are.
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This will be my last post for a little while. I’ve a lot on my plate right now that I need to focus on for coming year. I hope for all of you the bestest year ahead. I’ll come back soon. Thank you for always being here for me. I appreciate it more than words can ever describe❤️

(Daily post: Resilient , Hopeful, Retrospective )

Edge For You

(Edge: WPC)

There are days when even the earth spins with more sorrow and even the sky bleeds. I see it in your eyes, the anguish. You look away, trying to save me from it cuz you know I can always tell and that I will come running to share it with you.

I know there are nights, cold December wind chilling to your core adding to your suffering. I will be warm for you, I will cover you up. I will color your bleakness with what little shades of me I have left. I’ll cuddle you in and envelop you in my love.

There will be days and there will be nights. The one in between your smile and frown, in between your sadness and happiness. There will be lots of days and nights. But through it, I’ll stay with you. I’ll breathe with you and I’ll cry with you. In silence if that’s what you need. Because it’s a chance for me to be more than me, just for you.

Beautiful People

Weekly Photo Challenge: Optimistic
Rainbow

I read this line somewhere, “Beautiful people do not just happen” and I realized how incredibly true that is. Beautiful people however, are mostly those who are broken and patched, sewn and torn, in all the different places known and the unknown. Who carry the scars of the heaviest dirtiest battles they have fought- some won while some lost. But in the end they have learned and conquered, what we call life. They might not have the essence of life all figured out and known but they do have it experienced down to their bones. And maybe that is why they have a much deeper understanding of the human conditions rolling down the road, waiting and craving for our attention.

These beautiful people are worth fighting for- lest you find them. And once you do, hold on to them, for they are far and few in between. Cherish them and make sure they know they are loved. Because you see, Love is what they lack most, the love for themselves mainly. Most of them can’t see the beauty in their scars and shinning bright light in their eyes filled with universe of wisdom and deep thoughts. So make sure they know they are loved, because love is the only language that transcends time, space, present and the past.

Beautiful people do not just happen you see, there is a reason why they are a little lost- trying to find a place in this world they don’t really belong. They are lost all the while showing way to others, you know what the secret is? We all get lost, to get found. So hold on to them and don’t let go- a little warmth is what they need from being out there in this cold wild world, for far too long.

Beautiful people are what make this world a better place to live in and on.

This goes out to every beautiful person out there- for whom every day is a struggle, sometimes easier while sometimes a little harder. But they greet the world with a smile on their face nevertheless and the sun shines a little brighter for them while the sky opens up to embrace them in it’s infinite vastness.

These are the people worth melting for, as Olaf had once said.

Let’s Try

Maybe rather than trying to fix your whole life, you can try to fix it piece by piece. Maybe instead of trying to remove every single bad moment from your memory you can try to add good one’s. Maybe we should try to pile up good things so someday we would over come all the bad things that ever happened. Maybe all we can do is try. It IS all we can do. So let’s try, let’s pile up the goodness and happiness in hopes it would someday weigh on the sadness. Let’s do, shall we?

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Pain & I

Weekly Photo Challenge

New Image

Maybe my pain has found nirvana, it’s ultimate resting place. It’s never really gone, it can never be truly gone but after crashing into me… inside me so many times, over and over it has probably found its place. I hope it stays. I still feel it there floating around my ribcage, discreetly hiding. It’s not like I don’t expect it to resurface and claim my heart again but I do expect it to be nicer to me. I do expect it to be kind. I do expect it to make me stronger. I have a weapon against it ready though; my words. That’s the only thing I have. I will turn my pain into beautiful poetic chains and hang it on the walls of my diaphragm. I will let everyone know how these scars were made. Maybe pain and I can work together, to each other’s advantage. Maybe we have reached an agreement. It can have a piece of me from time to time and I will weave it into words. Maybe we can make this work. In fact there is no other way, I’m sure it will work, Pain and I.

Giving Up

I’ve been strong for far too long, I think now it’s time to stop trying and be weak and frail. Let the wind take me where ever it may.

I think it’s about time I stop believing and struggling constantly, I should let whatever happen as it may.

There is something so poetic about being broken and losing hope. A Rhetoric, cathartic, ambivalent flow. I’ll just write a poem about this sadness if I may?

I’ve been strong for far too long, I think it’s about time I let the walls break and let the water flow. Let the water drown my eyes, submerge myself underneath the waves…

And just disappear,

Never to come back again.

To Think

To think,
It’s alright, when it’s not
Is the worst thing to go through alone.

To think,
That everything will b alright,
Is a false hope.

To think,
Memories will fade,
Leave you alone and go away,
Is not going to happen
Just so you know.

To think
So many things,
Is not a blessing nor a cure
But a curse.

To think, To think, To think…