Let’s Make A Change

(WPC: The SunShine )

“Let me tell you something: no one is going to look at you, broken and shattered 
and think -
damn, you are beautiful.
No one is going to come pick up your broken pieces off the floor and
 assemble them into a beautiful whole.

Hell,
 you won’t even look at yourself and think – 
I made broken look beautiful.

You know why?

Because all those writers lied to you.

Yes, 
all those with their poems of scraped knuckles and 
blood dripping down chins, 
pomegranate songs and loves that ripped through you like 
hurricanes.

Liars.

So you and I, 
we are going to make a plan.

You are not going to romanticize days when your brain tells you to smash that mirror,
You are not going to romanticize the lover who doesn’t understand you 
but still writes about you.

Here is what you are going to romanticize instead:
You are going to romanticize the first day of spring,
Its gentle hands all over your body,
Lifting you up until you are as light as a feather.

You are going to romanticize the tea and honey kind of love,
No hurricanes, 
but sunshine that builds you up from within,
That helps you make it through the worst days.

You are going to romanticize gentle hands of a friend 
in yours,
Telling you that it is going to be okay.

Because it is.

And don’t trust poets, 
we’re no good,
 we love pretending that our jagged edges tantamount to a beautiful disaster, but in reality – 
there isn’t nothing beautiful about shaky hands holding a cigarette and 
empty eyes staring at the cracks in the walls.

You know what is beautiful, instead?

The days when you can look at yourself in the mirror and smile, 
scars and all.
Music that makes your soul flow like a river, 
books that offer comfort, 
families flocking together like overgrown birds to keep you safe and warm,
 friends that give you strength when you can find none, 
lovers who make you laugh through tears.

Baby, 
from now on 
you are going to romanticize healing;
Honey dripping down your fingertips,
August nights that stick to your skin, the day you find your purpose, 
long car rides and singing so loud that no one can shut you up now.

Bad news: 
no one is coming to save you.

Good news: 
you can save yourself.”
– Lana Rafaela (via wnq-writers.tumblr.com)

( Daily Prompt: Millions )

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Where The Heart Is 

(WPC: Local :Show us where the heart is.)

Home is in the infinite space surrounding the sky.

The hotel room was surprisingly clean, two single beds were joined together to make it a bigger bed against the wall. The interior was comparatively simple, with green carpet and plane white walls. Two arm chairs with a table in front were placed opposite the bed. It wasn’t very luxurious but it was fulfilling his purpose for now. He gave out a tired breath and let himself fall on the chair. The chairs were conveniently placed closer to the window. He looked at the deserted road at 12 am which still showed a hint of night life as few cars passed by. The summer wind was softly blowing through the windows and onto his face. He closed his eyes to take it all in. Her face flashed in front of him as soon as he closed his eyes. The vision of her hair being softly caressed by the same wind that was now touching his face. Damn, what did this woman do to him, he cursed himself. As clock ticked by, with his tired eyes, all he could think of was her. In all the hours, in all the minutes, in all the seconds she had captured his attention. There was something about her. He couldn’t figure it out and it was killing him.

He felt frustrated, he wanted to hold her tight with a strong grip and ask her to look in his eyes so he would know what exactly she carried beneath those alluring lashes. He wanted to tear off the skin she was wearing so he could see underneath, the soul she was carrying. Despite his best attempts he couldn’t figure out who or what she was. This woman was driving him crazy.

He took out a cigarette from his pack, there were only two more left. There would be none left by morning he was sure. He wished there was something stronger to drown his anxiety. But for now cigarettes would do too. He took out a lighter, burned his cigarette and inhaled a long puff and slowly exhaled it out. Watching the smoke make patterns in the air and then dissolving in the summer air by finding escape through the open window.

This woman was like smoke… Mysterious, beautiful and a killer. She was killing him softly, with her infectious laughter and her enticing eyes.. The way she would touch him, ever so lightly and then disappear in the crowd. And he like a madman would follow her around. Trying to catch another glimpse of her allusive beauty. God Damn, this is getting out of hand he thought to himself. He was probably no good for her or maybe she was too intense for him. He didn’t know anymore. All he knew was he wanted to see her again. He wanted her fix like an addict. It was like this woman had completely taken over him. In his veins, in his blood, in the air he breathed, she was everywhere. She was all around him. He wanted to hold her against the wall, pin her and kiss her till she would beg for forgiveness for all what she made him feel.. If only he could do that. Taste her lips. The lips that lied with a smile. If only he could look deep in her eyes. The eyes that usually betrayed her smile.

By now the cigarette pack was empty, dammit he needed to stop this, he thought. At least they should have lasted till morning. But the thoughts of her were too distracting for him to notice how poison was filling his lungs all this time. He sighed and moved to the bed. He slept as soon as his back hit against the bed.

He dreamt about her. As always.
And he realized that he could never have her as the day dawned upon.
But he knew that in the night he could have her thoughts.
She was a wish never to be fulfilled,
But a dream that could always be seen.
And so he dreamed. As always. He dreamed.


(Flâneur  )

A Quintessential Downfall

At first it was just one pill. Then it were two. And then it didn’t take long for two to turn into three, three into four and four into five. And soon she forgot the count of how many she took. She chewed on her bottom lip until it was raw and bleeding. She liked the pain. But then why was she trying so hard to escape it if she liked the pain as much as she claimed?

Her heart was a black hole she was slowly disintegrating into, disappearing into. Like getting lost into the oblivion of her own self. Her soul had parted from her body a long time ago. Maybe that is why it was so much easier to self destruct. To let herself fall of the edge. It wasn’t jumping off the edge that was hard.
It was the fall.
The infinite drop – a misery of its own.
The anticipation of the splat.
The sound of her shattering, crumbling, collapsing…
Reducing to rubble after imploding, exploding and smashing to smithereens.

What a demise
A dissolution of masterstroke,
A paragon unsolved,
A quintessence misunderstood,
A baffling downfall and a mystifying tale.
Finally, Coming to an end.

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A Quest Of You

(WPC: Quest )
Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

Let me crawl into you like a tunnel to an abandoned city.
I’ll walk down the deserted road to your heart,
with caution and measured steps.

I’ll explore the wilderness under your chest.
My footsteps echo in the empty auditorium of your rib cage,
Whispering stories of ruins and remains.

Those wild dandelions smell of cigarettes and smoke,
You are poison and beauty,
A realistic illusion to behold.

You are a little more darkness than light at the moment.
As I walk through your city of broken hearts,
Some pieces hang from the non existent sky,
While some lay scattered on the dirt path.
I step on few by mistake,
I see you wither in pain.

I apologize for the inconvenience I’ve caused,
But there is something so extraordinary,
About treading uncharted territories,
To explore places that have never been touched before.

Let me walk through forsaken forgotten relics of your soul.
I promise I’ll not leave you emptier like the ones that came before.

I’ll rebuild you from ashes,
I’ll show you how beautiful your ruins are.
I’ll graze my knees on your asphalt heart.
I’ll stand on the boulevard of your shattered dreams and lost hope,
To rebuild them from scratch.
I’ll caress your skin until you come back to life.

Feel Darling, Feel.

Feel. I told myself feel. Don’t stop. You will not experience such pain again. So feel darling. Learn your lesson, down to the marrow of your bones. Why to never let them in again. So you learn from your mistakes.

Feel. Let it consume you. Let it reduce you to ashes. So when you come out beaten and broken at the other end, you know how to build walls as strong as mountains.

Let it paint you in scarlet red, blue, yellow and purple. Let it bruise you in colours you’ve never been bruised before. Feel darling, feel.

Let it burn you like the sun, scalding your skin, melting your insides. Watch yourself burn.

Let it destroy your heart like the hurricane on rampage. Feel it being blown to smithereens, every shard stabbing you, every scar being etched into your skin. Feel. Don’t escape. Don’t try to subdue this pain. Let it prick your every pore, one at a time. One by one.

Throb. Ache. Bleed.

Feel darling, feel.


( Silence )

Edge For You

(Edge: WPC)

There are days when even the earth spins with more sorrow and even the sky bleeds. I see it in your eyes, the anguish. You look away, trying to save me from it cuz you know I can always tell and that I will come running to share it with you.

I know there are nights, cold December wind chilling to your core adding to your suffering. I will be warm for you, I will cover you up. I will color your bleakness with what little shades of me I have left. I’ll cuddle you in and envelop you in my love.

There will be days and there will be nights. The one in between your smile and frown, in between your sadness and happiness. There will be lots of days and nights. But through it, I’ll stay with you. I’ll breathe with you and I’ll cry with you. In silence if that’s what you need. Because it’s a chance for me to be more than me, just for you.

Do Not Fall In Love With Me

1) I warn you not to fall in love with me. You can’t. You shouldn’t. Just don’t. I’m crumpled sheets, the ones you keep trying to smoothen the wrinkles off of but never manage to get them sleek. The ones that are always creased. The ones that keep slipping off the edge, the ones that never seem to perfectly fit. 

2) Just don’t. Don’t fall in love with me. I’m that air which belongs to neither summer nor winter. I’m somewhere in between. The one that keeps fluctuating. That on some days is as warm and homely as a fireplace while on some is so cold it sends chills down your spine. The one that makes you wonder if ice is just as destructive as fire.

3) I urge you, Just don’t. Don’t fall In love with me. I’m like the moon that is nothing short of beautiful from afar. The one that you can’t help but admire from the shore. The one that fascinates you and even keeps you up at night at times. Until you see how ferociously it pulls the tide. How relentlessly and viciously it drives the ocean crazy. How it seems so thirsty to devour, hungry for madness. Then you run. Then like a scared little kid you stand on the shore as a spectator to its violent frenzy. As it rises and falls, as it crashes and quivers. As it breaks itself on collision with the rocks, shatters itself unaware of how it cuts the rocks sharp. 

4) Just don’t. Don’t fall in love with me. I maybe tender to touch but my heart is nothing short of an amalgam of few too many calloused scars. I humbly request you not to fall in love with me because then I’ll fall in love with you too. And then there are only so many eclipses you can take before you decide I’m too much to bear. Because there is only so much darkness you can stand and the tiring downcast shadow of its existence you can handle before you decide to leave . 

5) You will soon bid me adieu saying you can’t love me anymore and that I’m not who I seemed to be. So please. Just don’t, don’t fall in love with me. 

(List of reasons to why you shouldn’t love me. Written in response to The weekly discover challenge: The poetry of list-making )

The Poetry of List-Making

If Only

If only I could tell you,
I’m much more than what I appear.
I’m much more than what I lead on.
I’m much more than bones and skin…
I’m much more soul.

If only I could tell you,
How the walls are strong and standing,
But everything inside is crumbling apart.

If only you knew…
I wish you’d knew,
I love so much yet show so little.

There is so much inside waiting to explode.

I wish some day I would explode,
Into the sky,
And become one with the Stars.

If only we understood,
People are not what they seem,
There is so much that goes inside there fickle weary hearts,
So much to say…
So little said.

If only you knew….
I have never been what I seemed.