Breakdown

Daily Prompt: Breakdown
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/26/daily-prompt-broken/

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Very rarely in my life did I have any kind of breakdown.
Growing up, I was raised in what you can call a dysfunctional family. Don’t get me wrong, I’m blessed to have such a great family in form of a mother, father and brothers. They are the best mom, dad and brothers one can ask for and I’m thankful to God for that. But somehow collectively, when it comes to living together we always had fights. Disagreements between mother and father, mother and brothers, brother and brother, father and brother and I was always a silent spectator to all that shit.

All I remember from my childhood is crying in the corner and witnessing the fights between them. I don’t know why we could never work out together as a family because in person all of my family members are great.

Anyways, as I was a witness to all kind of fights from the childhood, I learned to suck it up. I doesn’t mean it didn’t affect me, it has scarred me for life but I wasn’t really vocal about it.

There are only two times I can recall, when I totally LOST IT !
One time was when there was a fight between my mom and my brother. It went so far as from verbally to hitting each other. I was probably 16 then, after we were able to get them off each other, I lost it. I said things to my mom, I said things to my brother, I threw off the muffler scarf I was wearing around my neck to the ground and said I was sick of this shit, tears rolling down my face. I don’t remember all the things I said as I was out of my mind. And I strode off to my bedroom crying. (why I call it a breakdown, mind you, is because I cried in front of my family, which I never do, yes I cry about each and everything but never in front of them. They think everything is fucking fine inside of my freaking head)

The second time was more recently. About a month ago I guess. It lasted for almost a whole week. The trigger for this breakdown was a fight with my mom. I cried so much, about every little thing that happened to me since my childhood to this day. I guess I was mourning in a way. I won’t say this was a closure to all the shit but it was SOMETHING. I remembered every single thing and cried for it and Just kept crying until I was tired of crying.
After 4 or 5 days of continuous crying, I guess I kind of ran out of tears and that was it.

Nobody knew about it. Nobody knows about it. And nobody ever will.

My First Award

Terry (http://terry1954.wordpress.com/2013/10/04/i-got-an-award/)
had nominated me for my very first award…about a week ago actually but due to my busy schedule I wasn’t able to tend to it.

First of all very thanks to Terry (sorry for posting it this late). Also thanks to her for considering me a part of this word press family:
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She asked me to answer some questions, so here we go:

1-What is the very first thing you do when your eyes open in the morning?
Ans: I check out my mobile phone with one eye open and then contemplate if its worth going to university today. I assure you, Its a very hard decision that I have to make every morning.

2. What is the very last thing you do before you go to bed at nights?
Ans: Turn off the lights? but before that I read a book or listen to music or check out messages on my mobile phone.(As I don’t have time for it anyother time of the day)

3.What can scare the crap out of you faster than anything else?
Ans:
People hiding behind the door or a wall to scare the bejesus out of me.

4-How old were you when you first fell in love?
Ans: Have yet to fall in love. Minor crushes, Yeah. But not really love.

5- Weren’t these questions easy?
Ans: Yes, they were!

Here are the people I’m nominating for this award that have embraced me in this word press family with open arms:

lifebeinggirly
http://lifebeinggirly.com/

A Spoon Full Of Style
http://aspoonfulofstyle.co.uk/

Shetall says
http://shetall.wordpress.com/

Aberrant Lady
http://aberrantkid.wordpress.com/

Snippets Of This Life
http://snippetsofthislife.wordpress.com/

My story to you..
http://dragoneystory.wordpress.com/

Anyway I Digress
http://emmacapell.wordpress.com/

Crow Arrow, Inc.
http://crowarrowinc.wordpress.com/

Peace be upon you!
http://northcountytutoringcenter.com/

The One Thing I know For Sure
http://dianereedwiter.wordpress.com/

Shrouded by Darkness
http://shroudedbydarkness.wordpress.com/

behindthemaskofabuse
http://www.behindthemaskofabuse.com

Twinkling Star (Yasmeen Sana)
http://peacefulmindblog.wordpress.com/

karenbethc
http://www.findingthegracewithin.com

Platform 9-3/4
http://vandysnape.wordpress.com/

gypsysoul..
http://nomadfashionista.wordpress.com

The Indecisive Eejit
http://theindecisiveeejit.wordpress.com

dawnyhosking
http://dawnyhosking.wordpress.com/

My Travels with Depression
http://mytravelswithdepression.wordpress.com/

Here are rules and they are:
1. Ping back to the person who gave you the Award (Me)
2. Display the Award
3. Nominate 10 people you look to as almost Family here on Word Press”

Thank you to EVERYONE for their love and support. Taking their precious time to read my random ramblings and some personal stigma.
I appreciate all your comments, advice and suggestions 🙂