A Dark Place

Hello my people !!!
I’m back just as I promised but not in the same state of mind, I’m sorry to say!

Mid-Term exams are finally over, To be honest they have been over for about three days now but I didn’t feel like writing or reading or doing anything for that matter, I can’t explain to you how much mental and to some extent physical strength I had to muster to write just this one post.

I’ve had a bad couple of weeks. A lot of changes happened in such a little amount of time that even I have a hard time comprehending how it all changed. My exams went “OKAY” (meaning: Not that good) but I’ll live. My very good friend had some serious health issues which shook me very badly. One of my most favorite actor Paul walker, who I grew up watching died suddenly and unexpectedly in a car crash, You might know him from his role in Fast and the furious film series. He was my very first (and will always be) celebrity crush honestly speaking. 2 Fast & 2 Furious was the very first English movie I ever watched. Me and my older brother used to watch this movie every weekend when I was 9 or 10 years old. I of course didn’t know him personally but he always occupied a part of my heart so I’m extremely sad and shocked over this tragedy.  This is the first time I’m truly  touched and affected by the death of celebrity. Here’s a video as a tribute to Paul.

And then there is a serious problem with my mental state. A.Very.Serious.Problem.

I’m seriously considering to stop blogging or maybe take a long break until I’m finally feeling like myself again. I’m fine physically but mentally I’m a mess. I’m broken into million pieces and I feel confused due to gazillion reasons. So overall I’m not feeling good. I’m not ready to talk about it on this forum YET. But maybe I’ll get there someday.

Also my studies are getting harder with each passing day, My Mid-term exams are just over but our Final exams date sheet is already up. So finals are after almost a month.

Thank you and welcome to my new awesome followers who found my random blog worthy enough to read. The same goes for my dear friends who are already a part of my word press community. I can’t say it enough, I love you all ! ❤

This song portrays my present state of mind, if not exactly, then at least quite well. Also the video of this song contains a great message so it is worth sharing.

Here are the lyrics to this song:
“Demons” by Imagine Dragons.

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

Curtain’s call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you’ve made

Don’t wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don’t wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it’s what you make
I say it’s up to fate
It’s woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can’t escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

AFRAID !

I think i know what i want from life…at least i think i do!

But i am afraid if I’ll ever get all of it …what if i don’t get what i want ? i don’t want to spend all my remaining life being miserable , always thinking about the things i didn’t get from life .

Its not like i am not happy with what i have, believe me i am ! but i want more !
And i guess thats what i am afraid of, of wanting more, when i already have so much to thank for …

The weird thing is i am afraid of even getting it all …. what if i get everything i want and still thats not enough ? what would i do then ?
Thats what confusing me….i am afraid either way….there’s a fear of not getting everything i want but a fear of getting it all as well .

But i have reached to a conclusion that LIFE IS A MESS but its a SWEET MESS …. a mess filled with sense of fear, the fear of the unknown ! But thats what makes life adventurous ! Thrilling ! And shitty sometimes….but all of it is worth it because VIEW FROM THE TOP IS AWESOME (or at least thats what i hear people say all the time ) !

I guess we’ll all find that out eventually 🙂