Just A Dream

I have these dreams….
Where I’m running..running and running…Away from something…someone. I don’t know who or what.

All I know is I’m running for my life. To save myself.

I’ve had these same dreams since my childhood, since I can remember I’ve had it. Me running from someone, someone following me but the interesting part is I never get caught. Never.

Same dream over and over again just the scenarios are different now. It’s around the same area. I’m running either around my childhood home, the area surrounding it where I grew up climbing walls, trees and what not.

Or the area where I’m residing now. Or the area between my old and new home.The area never changes. It’s never the unknown. I always know where to run where to go.

When I was little, they were plain and simple, someone trying to catch me and me running for my life in a simple street around my old house. Now they have become much more complicated, The area where I’m running has expanded. Maybe now my subconscious knows of more area so it’s between my old and new house. They are not very far. 10 minutes drive tops. Sometimes it’s not just me there are some random people running with me too.

These are not nightmares. I won’t call them as nightmares. It doesn’t mean I don’t wake up scared, my heart beating fast, disoriented but aren’t nightmares suppose to be……I don’t know much worse? Where you wake up screaming?

After spending 14 years in my childhood house, we shifted to this new house. In my 14 years in that house since I can remember I’ve had those dreams. Same thing over and over. When we shifted to the new house they kind of stopped…or I think they did. We’ve been here for 5 years now. The dreams started again last year

Now the dreams are much more…grand I would say. As I said now the area has expanded, between the area of my old and new house. I’m running… I can’t get the running out of my head. The fear. The anticipation.
I’ll have to admit the dreams are sometimes exhilarating ! I wake up and adrenaline is pumping through my veins but it is frustrating. Sometimes I feel physically and mentally exhausted. Why I was compelled to write about it after all these years was because I’ve had these dreams in succession since 3 days. Today was exceptionally different as when my eyes opened suddenly, my heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode out of my chest. It was as if I’d run a mile or two in reality. .My heart was literally hurting from beating so fast.

I’ve never mentioned my dreams to anyone except just once to my best friend. She took it to more spiritual side and said maybe it’s some evil following you but the fact that you never get caught is it means that evil can’t get to you. You are safe.

I don’t understand why do I have these dreams? Do other people have it too? The running thing? Or is it just me? I think it is somehow connected to my childhood. I don’t fully understand or understand it at all but I would like to know….I really want to know why I have these dreams. Is this even normal? Or am I going fucking crazy?

Dance On!

Daily Prompt: What are your earliest and fondest memories of dance?

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One thing I want to make clear is, I’m not good with memories. I don’t remember much from my childhood except a few extremely significant events. Similarly I’ve an attention span of a freakin’ goldfish.

Now Coming to dance, as my mom tells me I was cute little dancer at my uncle’s wedding. I was probably three years old then and apparently everyone from my family remembers my dance performance EXCEPT ME! So I guess this is true :
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Every single time when their is a family gathering, my that dance performance is discussed to this day. According to them I danced my ass off with my other cousin who is one year older than me (meaning he was four then). He and I danced hand in hand, me in my orange tutu  frock and he with his buzz cut hair and a suit !

In normal circumstances I wouldn’t have believed them but they even have a photographic evidence for my this crime. I searched really hard for that photograph but unfortunately I wasn’t able to find it now so you will have to make do with this by Imagining this little me dancing around in an orange tutu:

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Yes this is me, always a little adventurous and fashionable at the same time 😀

Breakdown

Daily Prompt: Breakdown
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/26/daily-prompt-broken/

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Very rarely in my life did I have any kind of breakdown.
Growing up, I was raised in what you can call a dysfunctional family. Don’t get me wrong, I’m blessed to have such a great family in form of a mother, father and brothers. They are the best mom, dad and brothers one can ask for and I’m thankful to God for that. But somehow collectively, when it comes to living together we always had fights. Disagreements between mother and father, mother and brothers, brother and brother, father and brother and I was always a silent spectator to all that shit.

All I remember from my childhood is crying in the corner and witnessing the fights between them. I don’t know why we could never work out together as a family because in person all of my family members are great.

Anyways, as I was a witness to all kind of fights from the childhood, I learned to suck it up. I doesn’t mean it didn’t affect me, it has scarred me for life but I wasn’t really vocal about it.

There are only two times I can recall, when I totally LOST IT !
One time was when there was a fight between my mom and my brother. It went so far as from verbally to hitting each other. I was probably 16 then, after we were able to get them off each other, I lost it. I said things to my mom, I said things to my brother, I threw off the muffler scarf I was wearing around my neck to the ground and said I was sick of this shit, tears rolling down my face. I don’t remember all the things I said as I was out of my mind. And I strode off to my bedroom crying. (why I call it a breakdown, mind you, is because I cried in front of my family, which I never do, yes I cry about each and everything but never in front of them. They think everything is fucking fine inside of my freaking head)

The second time was more recently. About a month ago I guess. It lasted for almost a whole week. The trigger for this breakdown was a fight with my mom. I cried so much, about every little thing that happened to me since my childhood to this day. I guess I was mourning in a way. I won’t say this was a closure to all the shit but it was SOMETHING. I remembered every single thing and cried for it and Just kept crying until I was tired of crying.
After 4 or 5 days of continuous crying, I guess I kind of ran out of tears and that was it.

Nobody knew about it. Nobody knows about it. And nobody ever will.

My Musical Progression

Daily Prompt: Eye of the Beholder
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/05/daily-prompt-beauty-2/

Describe what it feels like to hear a beautiful piece of music or see a stunning piece of art.

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The very first song that I can remember listening to was Hailie’s song by Eminem, which he wrote for his daughter Hailie.

I was very little then, 8 or 9 years old probably. I know I know it’s weird for a child to start her music listening career from Eminem. But lets face it that’s how it was for me. The reason? because my oldest brother was Eminem’s fan and he had all his albums, posters and stuff in his room. I was very close to him (although he was 11 years older than me) so we listened to songs together. Although at that time I didn’t understand a word he rapped in his songs (it was all blah jaba blah hala co co mama ca ca la la for me) but I don’t know why I just kept listening and eventually I started to understand them as well.

Then My very first favorite song (and surprisingly it still is) was MOCKINGBIRD by Eminem.
This is the song which is still very close to me even after 7 or 8 years. The very thing which I loved about it was that Eminem wrote it for his daughter. This is the fact that touched me very much then. I still remember I had a paper on which the lyrics to this song were printed and I used to take it every where with me and showed it to people as well so they would be inspired by it (Now that I look back at it I realize how stupid I was )
Here’s a link to its lyrical video if anybody wanna give it a listen:

I didn’t have a typical childhood musical progression, where you start from Barney and all the other children songs, then move on to more teenage stuff and then eventually adult music with all the swearing.
I actually had it the other way around. I started with “Eminem“, then progressed to “Hannah Montana” (currently known as Hammer licking and tongue obsessed maniac) and then there were the ever glorious days of “High School Musical” ! (if anyone still remember what that is?! Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, all the dancing and singing, anyone?)
In short I was in all that teenage shit (which these days is Justin beiber, One direction etc).

Though with time my music taste evolved. I was in much more mature phase. I liked very different music from others. A little slow, Sometimes a little ‘rock n roll’ and A little jazz maybe. I kinda listened to everything. I kinda liked everything as well.

But the very first song, I remember, which touched me after a very long period of time was Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran. The feeling I got when I listened to it….AH!
This is the song I cry to ALL THE TIME.
Specially the part where he says “Give me love like never before, ‘Cause lately I’ve been craving more”
Even If I had stopped crying, this line makes me cry harder. This is true after all. We all crave for love and sometimes in harder times we crave MORE.

The other piece of music which took my breath away, when I listened to it for the very first time was “Breathe ME” by this musical genius, Sia.
The lyrics, the music, everything about this song is perfection. I think it describes all of us to some extent, all our insecurities, needs and longings.

(If you want you can also check out her other songs, such as “Bring me down” and “Lullaby” )

After these, there comes a long list of songs which inspired me, helped me and mesmerized me. But these two songs were a milestone in my music progression.

What about you? Which were the songs which totally shook you or swept you from your feet?

Cleaning up the “Junk”…..or atleast trying!

Daily Prompt: Clean House
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/09/29/daily-prompt-junk/

Is there “junk” in your life? What kind? How do you get rid of it?
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Wow…what a co-incidence !
I was just cleaning up my room today and some of the things which my sister-in-law refers to as “junk” (but i refuse to believe so….! )

So the daily prompt asked about some of the Junk in my life and after cleaning up today, here is only a glimpse of junk that I’ve managed to keep in my room since my childhood! (And yes this is the junk that is present in my room after years of collecting them)

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I’ve been meaning to clean up my room since three months, but every single time I put it on the next day saying I’ll do it tomorrow but that NEXT day and that  Tomorrow never came……until today…….!

After 3 months of putting it off i started to feel ashamed of myself. How lazy can a person be?
I must’ve broken some records of laziness !

Let me introduce you to some of the things that, I for some reason deemed USABLE and kept all those years or for days or months.

So this is a makeup kit which my friend broke about 4 months ago. For some unknown reason,4 months have passed but it was still sitting on my shelf.
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Then there is this banana peel that was sitting on my computer table.(It has been here for five days, see the thing about me being lazy now?)

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I have this CD player which doesn’t work anymore (actually it hasn’t been working since 2 years but i refuse to believe so, some day I’m hoping it’ll MIRACULOUSLY start working by itself )
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My socks have taken refuge on my shelf as well (since 4 months as well).
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These magazines are of about 5 years ago but I have kept them all this time because…………………………………………………… (There is no good reason for it actually)
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Same goes for these lights, There beauty has prevented me from throwing them out as they are too pretty (although these doesn’t light up) !

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I LOVE TO READ, I’ve had all these books which needed to be thrown out so this is me sorting them out  in piles.
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So……the thing is……I’m still cleaning up….room is in the same state as it was 4 hours ago….
Your prayers and support is needed ! (So lets join our hands on this festive occasion and pray, Thank you! )