If Love Is Pain Then Darling, Let’s Hurt Tonight 

She holds my heart in her hands and we sit to talk. I need to feel warm and she needs to feel safe. We are quiet at the moment but stars speak. Her eyes glisten like emeralds as she flips and turns my heart in her hands carefully examining it. And I’m surprised how there isn’t even one moment of fear that crosses my mind that she might drop it. Because I know with surety she won’t.

I have never been as sure about anything in my life as I am about her. I am actually glad she has my heart in her hands because I fear it’s her touch that keeps it beating. Without her love, there will be just colourless voids and a heart that keeps forgetting to beat.

So we sat to talk. We should have talked. We could have talked. But we didn’t. Instead we just lay together staring into infinite space that looked nothing less than pure magic. I wanted her to tell me things, anything. Lot of things. Everything. Just hear her speak. But her eyes were too loud for me to hear anything else at that moment. So I stared at her while she stared at the stars.

I didn’t want us to be mere accident like something that just happens one day unexpectedly. I wanted us to be on purpose- that just has to be for a reason. I wanted to love her on purpose and not like an accident.

She was a calm whisper in a world that was too loud. And although she was a chaos herself, I knew she could calm the storm within me.

She broke her eye contact with the stars and looked at me. And all it took was flash of a second, for me to know; I’d be a fool to let her go. Because she needed me as much as I needed her. And together, we were going to heal and glue back together our broken pieces.

It has always been her and me.

All those empty cervixes inside us that echoed with scars that still bled and thunders that still ripped us apart from time to time. It has always been her and me. And we, together, were going to heal.

Hence, she holds my heart in her hands to keep it beating, while I hold her close so she can breathe easy. I’m never leaving her side nor she needs to fall because she’s already safe in my arms. She doesn’t need to break herself anymore to prove anything.

I’m sure now, it has always been; her and me. And there is no way I’d rather have it be.

(Daily post: Corner, magnetic, homage, rhyme, critical )

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A Quest Of You

(WPC: Quest )
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Let me crawl into you like a tunnel to an abandoned city.
I’ll walk down the deserted road to your heart,
with caution and measured steps.

I’ll explore the wilderness under your chest.
My footsteps echo in the empty auditorium of your rib cage,
Whispering stories of ruins and remains.

Those wild dandelions smell of cigarettes and smoke,
You are poison and beauty,
A realistic illusion to behold.

You are a little more darkness than light at the moment.
As I walk through your city of broken hearts,
Some pieces hang from the non existent sky,
While some lay scattered on the dirt path.
I step on few by mistake,
I see you wither in pain.

I apologize for the inconvenience I’ve caused,
But there is something so extraordinary,
About treading uncharted territories,
To explore places that have never been touched before.

Let me walk through forsaken forgotten relics of your soul.
I promise I’ll not leave you emptier like the ones that came before.

I’ll rebuild you from ashes,
I’ll show you how beautiful your ruins are.
I’ll graze my knees on your asphalt heart.
I’ll stand on the boulevard of your shattered dreams and lost hope,
To rebuild them from scratch.
I’ll caress your skin until you come back to life.

Tonight.

The club lights were dancing, throwing patterns over the lost youth…vodka, whiskey, scotch, bourbon, tequila, crack cocaine, ecstasy, meth, amphetamine, roofies…you name it and you shall have it, with money of course. And she had enough to buy the whole club itself. She had tight black leotard on with sky-high heels, hair teased giving a rough yet sleek look, Black Kohl filled eyes masking the red in her big brown eyes and fiery red lips ready to devour whatever came her way. Despite of trying her best to look like just another trashed slut with daddy issues, she ended up looking the exact opposite.

Tonight she was going to drink, everything and anything that she could find on the shelf. She didn’t know what for or why so, all she knew was that there was something she needed to forget. Something that needed to be numbed. Too many things that need to be numbed.

Tonight she was going to drink and give life a middle finger on its face and walk away. Life was cruel too many times, while kind too less. And so she drank. That was the only thing she was good at apparently. She drank her sorrows away knowing all too well that she would regret it the very next day. But she drank anyway since life was not as easy to live as they said.

Like it’s in our control while we stumble and fall into ditch of unfathomable sadness. She drank and watched as the world crumbled around her feet. Tonight she was on a mission to destroy. She wasn’t sure what yet. The music was blazing and people around her were slavishly grooving to it like wild animals but all she saw were humans, lost…completely and utterly lost. Astray. Just like her.

For a moment she wanted everyone to disappear but the music and the dance floor and she imagined herself dancing lonely to it. She didn’t know how much time passed by as she wandered around in her imaginary world. She then lit a cigarette and imagined it all go down in flames.

She drank and drank until she was sure she wouldn’t remember a trace of tonight and all the thoughts it contained, the next morning.

Lest the morning came. Lest.

(The original song is only till 5:25 in the above link.This is one of my most favorite song. You can check out the music video for this song HERE. It’s worth it.)

Giving Up

I’ve been strong for far too long, I think now it’s time to stop trying and be weak and frail. Let the wind take me where ever it may.

I think it’s about time I stop believing and struggling constantly, I should let whatever happen as it may.

There is something so poetic about being broken and losing hope. A Rhetoric, cathartic, ambivalent flow. I’ll just write a poem about this sadness if I may?

I’ve been strong for far too long, I think it’s about time I let the walls break and let the water flow. Let the water drown my eyes, submerge myself underneath the waves…

And just disappear,

Never to come back again.

Broken

Weekly Photo challenge: Sunlight breaking through my window

Sunlight breaking through my window

A part of her was always hidden away, like the moon.
She shined bright from afar, everybody wanted to touch her.
They could ‘almost’ reach her but never really could.
They could see what was on the surface but never got close enough to see the rough edges and scars on her skin.
Her placid skin did well to hide the marks of her struggle.
Just like a moon she shone bright with light, little did others know it wasn’t her own.
That light was an illusion to mask the darkness that resided within her.
The light was to cover the surface so nobody could see the black hole in place of what once was her heart.
The dark hole sucking her existence inch by inch
So light was necessary to not let people see her blinking out of existence.
And One day just like that, she disappeared.


This is going to be my last post for a while. I have to take a break (again, I know) and I don't expect everyone to understand (but I really hope you all do). I will be back by the end of July hopefully. When I return I have got a huge (and by huge I mean absolutely humongous) announcement to make, the most important announcement of my life as of yet. Keeping my fingers crossed for that. If everything goes well, I will be back to tell you all about it. I can't wait to share it with you all already. See you all soon. 
Loads and Loads of Love,
Zee.

Loss.

Loss. Loss. Loss.

How do people deal with loss? How does this process works? I know we eventually go on with life and time never stops.

Loss. This word. How immense is this. With just 4 syllables we cram the forever aching of our hearts. These 4 syllables contain everything from pain, misery, trauma and emptiness within our hearts.

With this just one word we describe losing whoever we loved. This word is a disservice to what one feels when we lose someone. In fact there isn’t any word in the world that can do justice to losing people we love.

We apparently move on. We eventually run out of tears. We start to put on a smile.

But.

What about the space that is left never to be filled again?

Loss.

I drown in the immensity of this word over and over.

Loss.

I repeat it in my head again and again.

But I still can’t get hold of what one feels when losing their loved ones.

All that comes to mind is emptiness one must feel. It NEVER goes away. Even after years have passed….

You just can’t get hold of the pain.

How do people deal? Loss. This word. All I can do is shake my head in defeat. Loss. You never get over it because the spaces left are far too wide and far too deep to be ever filled again.

Loss. This word. So Incomplete.

Broken Creatures

Weekly Photo Challenge: Early Bird
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Broken creatures are often labelled as selfish… Maybe because they are. In a totally unselfish way.

Once a soul is broken, it is very rare that somebody sees it, somebody fixing it is even rarer. Broken souls are a wonder, they are the most resilience creatures that can ever exist On earth. You see the thing is they are lost but they have so much radiance it illuminates whichever path they pass through. They leave their mark.

Lost where you ask? Themselves of course. Since nobody else can uncover the mystery they are, they themselves try to figure it out. Putting together the puzzle, broken pieces that are. It’s like a Maze within their minds and souls. They are in a constant struggle to find a home where they belong. In the process they become lost, in search. They are forever trying to understand the puzzle, that is their heart. Since nobody else can do it, they have to do it for their self. It’s not an easy task. It requires patience, resilience and love. Love which is often lacking on their part. Love which is over flowing for others but non-existent when it’s time to give themselves back.

They are selfish, yes. Because they are so lost within themselves to ever see there are people around who might be willing to give them love. The Love; they deserve, The love; they need.

So be good crazy hearts, let’s give this love one more try.

I’ve Lost Again.

I thought my heart could know no more pain..
But i was wrong.
Today it hurts so much… I feel like it would burst..
Burst into spontaneous flames… And turn into dust…
That is how much it hurts.

But these words? Aren’t enough.
Today it hurts too much…
Today all I know is pain..
And I’m pretty sure tomorrow will be the same.

And the day after that, and the day after too…
till I lose all sense of time and space.

Please God, oh please tear this heart away,
I don’t want a heart that causes so much pain..
Today words fail me to explain.

Today this heart will turn to ashes, and I’ll take it in my hands and throw it towards the sky.. in hopes that it will mix with rain.. come back to Earth, washed and anew again.
Either that or disappear into the thin air so I won’t get to feel this way all over again.

Today it hurts too much… Too too much,
since words fail me over and over.

I really really hope this heart turns to dust, as it is already crushed…

For I’ve lost again…
And I cannot comprehend why do I get so little time,
With people I love…

I know I’m being selfish here,
There are people who must be hurting much more than us,
But I’ve been called selfish before,
Let’s not prove them wrong anymore.

So I’m being selfish, yes.
But today It’s hurting too much..
For I’ve lost someone…
Just like the time before that, and the time before that.

Is it because I do not deserve love?
Or is it because that’s how life works?
Whatever it is, all I know is, I lose people…
Too early and Too damn much.