I Fail

Weekly Photo Challenge
Snapchat-8240330568028057984

It’s returning again, I feel it in my bones.
It’s constantly moving, changing states…but it’s there.
I feel the blues.
I sit alone or lay in bed after a long day and I feel it.
I try to comprehend it.
The why and how of it but I fail,
as always I fail, miserably at it.

I fail to explain it.
I fail to stop it.
I fail to let it out.

I fail, I fail, I fail.

It’s like a thing that has cling itself on to me
And I can’t seem to shake it off.
I feel it scraping against my skin,
slowly rising in my blood,
burning my eyes,
shaking my bones.

I want to cut it with something sharp and let it out,
For once and for all provide it with escape.
Let it out of my system,
Take an invasive measure.
But I’m pretty sure I will fail.

Like every other time I’ve tried.
I will fail. I will fail. I will fail.

I’m a failure, Aren’t I ?!
All I do is fail at things,
I fail at being a good friend,
I fail at being a good sister.
I fail at being a good daughter.
I fail at feelings.
I fail at emotions.
I fail at expression most of all.

I feel it in my bones, craving for expression,
But I’m afraid to feel again.
I’m afraid of it taking a hold of me.
I’m afraid of it taking over.

I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m afraid.

So I tell myself it will go away.
I silently make a prayer in my head.
I turn off the lights and drift away
And wait for the next night,
For it to come back again
For it to claim it’s place.

I wait. I wait. I wait.

Running

Running
Bare feet
In scorching heat
Clutching a teddy bear
Crying…
Her feet against the hot pavement
Sun blaring above her head
She ran
Away…
Trying to find her way
Running…
Slid besides a gate
Her back to a cement pane
Crying…
For how long she doesn’t have a memory
Until someone found her
Took her by hand
Back to home
Begins the cycle again…

*In response to Today's Daily Prompt.

Suffering and War

Everybody’s suffering,
Everybody’s fighting a war,
A war of words,
A war of worlds,
A fight with the other,
Or a battle with themselves.
Everybody’s suffering.

A war within is the worst,
There is no army, no weapons
Maybe the weapon of past, or an army of memories
Everything is vague…

Nobody knows what’s it like to have this storm inside,
Eats you up and spit you right out
Bare and broken, Into this world of despair
Where nobody really cares,
As everybody’s is suffering,
Fighting a war of their own

A war where there is no casualties but wounds.
Wounds so deep, Bloodied and torn
No one to heal, no one to hold
Hold you tight and save from all
All that’s inside, All that’s outside.
All that’s above, All that’s below
All that makes you cry so low.

Try to understand each other that’s what they say,
Give some space and a benefit of doubt,
As everybody’s suffering,
Fighting a war of their own….

*In response to Daily Prompt

Immensity

995166_578662265539530_1282490490_n
There was something about this image that immediately caught my eye. I’ve seen many photographs and images in my life; none of them made me stop in my tracks and give them a thought but for some reason this intrigued me too much to dismiss it like just another image. I think it is one of my most favorite images of all time.

I don’t think  many would agree with me on this, after all there is nothing much in the picture. Just an endless ocean and a guy falling into its immensity.

But somehow i found this very interesting, When i first saw it, I kept staring at it for a whole 4 or 5 minutes. It made me think of life.

In a way all of us are like this guy and the ocean represents our life really well. How, you ask?

Just like an ocean, our lives are so vast and wide beyond our imagination. There is a uncertainty to our lives like an ocean.
Ocean is anything but certain. You can never know how deep it is. You can never know what is lurking beneath it. It is immense just like our lives.

We can’t be sure of our future, Just like with ocean we can never know what will come next ; Which wave will crash on to us and push us into the embrace of dark ocean waiting to devour its victims.

And we all are just like that guy, falling , falling , falling into the immensity of our lives without a clue about what our future holds for us. We are clueless.

But we don’t have a choice in this matter.  We all one day fall into the immensity and uncertainty of life. From the day we are born till the day we die (even after death we can’t know for sure what’s next ).

Eventually we all learn to swim in the vast and unending ocean of life. Some are better at it, some swim enough just to stay afloat while some lose the battle and sink.

UNCERTAINTY

UNCERTAINTY

For me what is most unfair in life is UNCERTAINTY !

Through out our lives we can’t be certain of anything, not even of the next minute let alone our whole life which is the most frightening part of our existence.Not knowing whats going to happen next.what life has in store for us.what tragedy or calamity is going to hit us out of the blue.we have no way of knowing the future.

This uncertainty has taken its tool at all of us more than once in our life time.We have been pushed around like a football, shaken, broken, torn and prodded by life taking advantage of our unknowing , surprising us.

While this can be frightening for some, there are some who choose to embrace this uncertainty and I think it is this uncertainty , the “Fear Of The Unknown” which makes life much more adventurous and mysterious. Which gives us confidence to hold our heads high and be strong inspite of whatever happens. This uncertainty gives us courage to charge on life like a Gladiator which has got everything to lose, which has no choice but to FIGHT, fight for his existence in this world, for his loved ones and most importantly himself !

But in the end, it depends on us whether we come out of this Battle with uncertainty, Triumphant or Lost …