Do Not Fall In Love With Me

1) I warn you not to fall in love with me. You can’t. You shouldn’t. Just don’t. I’m crumpled sheets, the ones you keep trying to smoothen the wrinkles off of but never manage to get them sleek. The ones that are always creased. The ones that keep slipping off the edge, the ones that never seem to perfectly fit. 

2) Just don’t. Don’t fall in love with me. I’m that air which belongs to neither summer nor winter. I’m somewhere in between. The one that keeps fluctuating. That on some days is as warm and homely as a fireplace while on some is so cold it sends chills down your spine. The one that makes you wonder if ice is just as destructive as fire.

3) I urge you, Just don’t. Don’t fall In love with me. I’m like the moon that is nothing short of beautiful from afar. The one that you can’t help but admire from the shore. The one that fascinates you and even keeps you up at night at times. Until you see how ferociously it pulls the tide. How relentlessly and viciously it drives the ocean crazy. How it seems so thirsty to devour, hungry for madness. Then you run. Then like a scared little kid you stand on the shore as a spectator to its violent frenzy. As it rises and falls, as it crashes and quivers. As it breaks itself on collision with the rocks, shatters itself unaware of how it cuts the rocks sharp. 

4) Just don’t. Don’t fall in love with me. I maybe tender to touch but my heart is nothing short of an amalgam of few too many calloused scars. I humbly request you not to fall in love with me because then I’ll fall in love with you too. And then there are only so many eclipses you can take before you decide I’m too much to bear. Because there is only so much darkness you can stand and the tiring downcast shadow of its existence you can handle before you decide to leave . 

5) You will soon bid me adieu saying you can’t love me anymore and that I’m not who I seemed to be. So please. Just don’t, don’t fall in love with me. 

(List of reasons to why you shouldn’t love me. Written in response to The weekly discover challenge: The poetry of list-making )

The Poetry of List-Making

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Somewhere In Between

Some of you might have noticed my absence and I just felt it’s been long enough for me to pop in and say hello to people I love. So it’s not that complicated. Or maybe it is. If I were to give one solid reason for the break, I wouldn’t be able to do so. I will not say I’ve been in a bad place all this time but it’s not been a good place either. I’m stuck somewhere in between and it’s such a foreign feeling. I’ve been to bad places before, it’s like I spent a lifetime there and I kinda got used to it and I’ve been at home with that feeling. But this is different. I cannot move forward, I cannot move backwards. Stuck. Static. Stagnant.

For the first time, I’m in an unprecedented territory and I cannot seem to figure it out. I know pain like the back of my hand.  And I know it’s not that. Maybe a different version of it. Maybe a rendition of it I’ve not experienced before. I don’t know. I know nothing. I’m treading through it so lost and clueless. For the first time ever, I don’t have much to say since you can’t explain what you don’t understand. So I’ll just end it here.

Screenshot_2016-03-23-19-51-52

I’ll try to keep up with blogs, not commenting or liking the posts but I’ll keep trying to catch up with you guys all this time.

So much love for you guys and gratitude in my heart ! ❤

Words

Weekly Photo Challenge: Alphabets

BTB

Forgive the typo mistake with the spelling of *Boundaries (P.S *hint hint with the picture*)

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried. Truly tried to write how I feel. To put all the realizations into string of words. But have failed miserably at it every single time. So many times I’ve typed words and then watched them fall short to my sentiment. I don’t know what to say anymore, how to say it that would describe exactly how I feel. Maybe someday. Maybe someday I will be able to cram my feelings into words and put them onto paper for the world to see. Till then I will keep trying, I will write and then re-write, delete and then backspace. But I promise you I will try until the world knows how my raging heart crashes against my rib cage, how the storm in my brain collides into my skull, how the blood in my veins scrapes against my skin and flushes it with red.

I will write words, Smith them down. For love is infinite and so are they.

How Can Emptiness Be So Heavy?

“How can emptiness be so heavy?”

This one line has taken the center stage in whirlwind of my countless other thoughts. I don’t know why but this line hit me really hard and I’ve been wondering about this a lot. Because it’s so true yet such an intangible concept that no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t manage to wrap my head around it. I couldn’t find a tangible explanation for it. I turned to a friend for an explanation, maybe she had better idea about this than me. But she too, couldn’t help me much with it and told me that she believed in my abilities to figure this out if I pondered long enough and that I should keep thinking and digging. And so I did.

In the words of my friend emptiness is “So unseen you can’t even touch it and it still fills you up like nothing else.” And it’s as true as it can get. I’ve never denied the existence of empty spaces within myself, I’ve written about it quiet a few times before (though haven’t shared it on the blog yet), so I went back and read those pieces again. I realized it’s not the emptiness itself that is heavy, it is ‘what’ left it there- is what makes it a heavy burden.

It can be people- who once were, now aren’t, never will be again.
It can be a thing- that once was, now isn’t, never will be again.
It can be feelings- which once were, now aren’t, never will be again.

Ah…Feelings. People. Things.

It’s like they all have an underlying blueprint and no matter how hard you try to scrub them off your heart and soul- something always remains. A piece, a part, a trace. And it weighs on like hell. Like a boulder tipped upon your weak shoulders to carry on forever.

Something that is there but isn’t.
Something that isn’t but is.

Maybe this will always remain intangible to me, maybe I will never be able to grasp it. But I can never deny the accuracy of this, it’s immensity, it’s depth. And I can’t help but to drown in it. Over and over. Time and time again. This one sentence will stick with me for a lifetime, heck I can write a whole freaking thesis on this. I know what I’m saying is probably all in the air, and to some it might not even make one bit of sense- maybe it ‘IS’ senseless, I don’t know.

But it makes so much sense to me, yet I still don’t have a perfect answer. How can something so intangible bring such restlessness to our hearts? How can something so unsubstantial bring such turbulence to our souls? What do you think?

Photos We Love: Inspiration

Woaaah, I can’t believe this!!! Couldn’t have asked for a better way to resume blogging than to get featured on The Daily Post! I’m beyond excited and extremely surprised (And immensely freaked out). Such an honor. I think I’ll have to frame this, ha! 😀

The Daily Post

Earlier this year, we asked you to share photographs of what “Inspiration” means to you. The variety in the images — portraying a litany of different subjects — was incredible. Here’s a small sample of the photos that made me pause and think.

Life Confusions

Photo by Zee (Life Confusions) Photo by Zee (Life Confusions)

At first glance, I loved the soft focus and the ethereal quality of Zee’s photo at Life Confusions. I wanted to know where the photo was taken, to see the image resolve into focus. I appreciated the photo even more after reading Zee’s intriguing narrative:

Night has something to say…So I listen carefully to its silence, the message it’s trying to convey.

THE PETALUMA SPECTATOR PHOTO BLOG

Photo by THE PETALUMA SPECTATOR PHOTO BLOG Photo by THE PETALUMA SPECTATOR PHOTO BLOG

The blogger behind THE PETALUMA SPECTATOR PHOTO BLOG offers inspiration in juxtaposition with this arresting photo taken in California, USA. In the image

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Oblivion Over Chaos

Night

For now there is no victory.

Night is where the serenity lies, Where the quiet seems to stretch on forever and ever. Where I’m away from all the chaos. Where I get to forget about everything, close my eyes and drift away.

I get to forget. Everything.

For a moment everything seems to have settled. I wish it could stretch on forever.

Some say they fear oblivion but I’d rather stay in this oblivion of the night than face the dread that comes with the day. Nothing can happen in the night as I sleep. Nothing.

I get to disappear and forget. It’s the place I’d love to stay. Just sleep and never wake up. For the day brings with it chaos, misery and pain. And I can’t, I can’t take it anymore. For the day reminds me that the other shoe will always drop, that happiness isn’t a target I can nail. I don’t get to do that. I get nothing. Nothing.

And I’m afraid I won’t be able to catch myself if I fall. I can’t fall now. I can’t. I just can’t. When it took me a long time to get back up, piece by piece slowly I picked myself up with every ounce of strength and every ounce of what was left in me- I gave it my all. And I’m afraid I’ve nothing to give now. Nothing. Nothing at all. So I can’t fall now. I can’t. This night needs to stretch on forever and ever and ever. I need to sleep and never wake up.

I’d rather choose this oblivion over that chaos.

This will be my last post for a little while. Going on a 
short break, See you all soon. 
Much love <3

Be Careful

Weekly Photo Challenge

Careful

Be careful of the paw

“Forever”, “Always”… These words we use quite so often, for quite so many people. I’d be hypocrite if I said I haven’t done the same. I’m guilty of it too. Just as much.

“Forever”, “Always ” these words are a promise within themselves. A promise we make without even a flinch most probably, Without a second thought I bet. How cruel are we?! Do we not take promises so seriously? Do we not believe that someone somewhere might just believe it? That someone somewhere might just hold you to it, this promise you have made. For forever and always?

Maybe we just throw around words without knowing the intensity they hold, their meaningfulness, their depth… We make promises without knowing that there still exists some people who take words seriously, for what they stand. And we unknowingly hurt and let uncontrollably bleed. We humans do that I guess. We don’t always say what we mean, and we don’t always mean what we say. I guess It has been like this, since… forever and always.

Chaos.

Boundary

Boundry

Chaos is everywhere,
And as always I find myself amidst of it.
I find myself standing in the middle of it all, helpless.
As helpless as I’ve always been.

I watch everything crumble apart,
The dust, the rubble blind me,
And I silently scream.
I scream and scream,
so much so that it tears my inner walls.
It all goes unheard.

I find myself standing there,
Amidst of chaos.
Helpless.
As helpless as I’ve always been.

I wish for the night to fall,
I wish for everything to go dark,
so I won’t get to see all the destruction this chaos has caused.

They say every chaos eventually settles,
But really at what cost?