A Thousand Deaths

She was dying a thousand deaths and I couldn’t save her from the carnage taking place right in front of me. I could see her struggle to breathe with every gasp of air that felt as thick as molten lava slipping down her throat. And she had no other option but to chug it. Let it burn holes through her windpipe with every intake.

The pain though, was in her eyes. It was an avalanche and I could see her asphyxiate under it. There was a torrent of undiluted anguish- as crude and concentrated as venom. And I could see how with every thump of her heart beat, it was being pushed down her veins and into her arteries. Deeper, deeper, deeper. Much deeper than I could ever manage to reach.

I could do nothing but sit there and watch that pain gush out of her system like flood, as an outpouring flux engulfing me. If only she didn’t have to die a thousand deaths in front of me. If only our love wasn’t a tragedy. If only saving her was as easy as holding her hand at this very moment. If only, if only, if only.

If only she would lift up her head and see me looking at her. She would understand, how somethings are not meant to be fixed. Somethings are better left broken. Because sometimes, broken is beautiful and so is she.


Side note: This post is dedicated to everyone who has ever suffered from loss. For anyone who has known grief. For anyone who knows what it’s like to lose someone you love. Whether the loss was physical in the form of death or an emotional/metaphorical loss. I see your pain and I know how it feels❤️

(Daily post: MissingNew Horizon)

47 thoughts on “A Thousand Deaths

  1. sachin says:

    Beautiful work,” If only our love wasn’t a tragedy. If only saving her was as easy as holding her hand at this very moment” . Let the time cure everyone’s pain.


  2. Prajakta says:

    This was so beautiful! We truly don’t understand the beauty of being broken – we don’t really understand that when we try to fix something – we are just turning something complete into an uglier version of itself. The delicacy of a break is far more intricate than any fix. Loved this ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      “The delicacy of a break is far more intricate than any fix” this is so beautifully put Prajakta. We have to make sure to notice the collateral beauty 🙂 Thank you for reading this 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Penne Cole says:

    Big hugs. I was there when my grandfather passed away. The sound of his laboured breathing was very painful. All I wanted to do was to hold his hand, but in Chinese culture, touching the person means holding the person here on earth when instead we have to let him go. So all I could do was listen.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Zee says:

      Oh God. This is indeed such a painful thing to experience. All we want sometimes is to take the pain away from our loved ones. To somehow make the pain a little less. So sad it doesn’t work that way though, all we can do is watch them endure.

      Much love ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      The thing about pain like this is, it’s so relatable for a lot of people because everybody has at least once in their life experienced it! I’m sorry you had to go through it. I hope you have healed. Thank you so much Kinnii for dropping by my blog and leaving your footprints ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. katiemiafrederick says:

    ‘A thousand deaths’
    my friEnd Zee..
    a thousAnd
    yeArs iN
    a second
    in Hell.. McArthur’s
    PaRk a metaphor too
    for so much oF liFe moVinG
    around the DaRk oF paRk
    iN siT
    wHeRE pain
    breaks feeliGht
    trUth IS A recipe
    for liFe alWays changing
    alWays makIng a new cake
    of LIFe with layers uPon lAyers
    of roots that steep us deep in
    a brew oF liFe..
    hmmm.. anyWay..
    juSt hope tHis sonG
    WiLL BrinG a liGht oF all
    thAT iS for you foR noW myYFriEnd..
    And it’s kind of a nice way to end something
    else and begin something anew i continue to work
    iN pArt by
    mY friEnd Zee..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Mabel Kwong says:

    It is hard when someone leaves and you can do nothing about it. Very emotional write, and heavy too. So well done. Sometimes we feel so helpless in such a situation, watching it unfold like a powerless spectator and then we have to deal with the aftermath. It will take time to stand stronger after that, and a whole lot of courage. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      This is exactly this was about, that feeling of powerlessness sitting in the middle of aftermath not being able to do one damn thing about it. That’s the kind of pain that can be hardly put into words. But somehow humans are so much stronger than we give them credit for! They make it through that carnage ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  6. trentpmcd says:

    Very powerful and very sad. I’ve talked about your talent for expressing these emotions in your writing, but I always forget to mention your knack for finding the exact right song for the post. Very well written. And yeah, if only….

    Liked by 2 people

A chocolate bar for your thoughts?!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s