Heart On Fire

“Say it”, I said to him like I wanted it.

“Say what?” He asked like he knew exactly what I was talking about but choose to ask anyway just to stall the inevitable.

“You know what! C’mon free yourself from these chains. The only person you are holding down is yourself at this point. Exempt yourself from this burden.” I said with pastoral face but with a violent frenzy brewing inside me that I didn’t let surface. That threatened to destroy everything in its wake.

He was looking everywhere but at me. His eyes gazing somewhere way past my face. He pursed his lips together and stood there quiet and contemplating for a minute or two. To me it felt like those final moments where your life flashes in front of your eyes before you are hit. I swear in those moments the air between us grew hundred folds heavier. I felt it’s choke-hold around my throat as I struggled to keep a steady breath.

“I don’t love you anymore.” Five words escaped his lips. Rolled through his tongue, covered the distance between us and stabbed me right in the middle of my chest. I took a sharp intake of air as I felt the impact send surge through my body.

(Ripples. Flood. Tide.
Thunder. Riot. Chaos.
Mayhem. Turmoil. Grief.)

With that he threw his shackles away, set himself free.
And now there I stood: chained.

“A man’s heart is a wretched, wretched thing. It isn’t like a mother’s womb. It won’t bleed. It won’t stretch to make room for you.”- Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns.

//Just a story of a boy who never really loved her//


________________

Side note: I’ll be posting the next password protected post on Wednesday. For some reason it doesn’t appear in WordPress reader or email notifications (from what I’ve been told) so you might have to visit my blog. I apologize for the inconvenience. For those of you who are new, if you wish to read the posts please leave your email address in the comment section below or contact me at mine. Thank you.
( Here and Now )

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91 thoughts on “Heart On Fire

    • Zee says:

      Haha hi there. Thank you very much for reading. Maybe soon a better version of a man will be seen in some other story. Let’s hope 😁

      And thanks for the email address, I’ll send you the password, I’m so glad you joined in ! 😇☺️

      Liked by 1 person

  1. eshinalidoreen says:

    love this words, “A man’s heart is a wretched, wretched thing. It isn’t like a mother’s womb. It won’t bleed. It won’t stretch to make room for you.”- Makes me want to go and paint on the person who hurt my heart. For them to stick by him, so that he doesnt have to hurt another woman the way he did me. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Oh this makes me sad that you had to go through this. I hope you have healed now and find someone who actually deserves a wonderful person as you♥️ thank you for reading this and leaving me with your footprints 😊

      Liked by 1 person

        • Zee says:

          Absolutely I agree! I’ve learned the same about myself through certain experiences. Everything happens for a reason after all. Cheers to growing stronger !

          (and hey since we are on the topic you might want to check out another one of my posts where I shared Sarah Kay’s spoken poetry “The Type”. I’m sure you will like it very much if you haven’t listened to it already! You should check it out if you want 🙂 )

          Like

  2. Lala Rukh says:

    Words can be so cruel sometimes. May be words doesn’t matter. The person saying these does. The person so dear to us, while trying to set them free, our own self dies a little. It was a sad heart wrenching story.
    And I am in love with the song. Beautiful lyrics.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Oh God. What you said about maybe words not mattering as much as the person saying them does and in attempt to set them free letting ourself die a little…so painfully true ! Thank you Lala for reading this and as always leaving behind such a beautiful comment.

      And thanks for listening to the song as well. It’s one of my favourites, love the lyrics ! 😊

      Like

  3. katiemiafrederick says:

    Stories of boys who never loved her..
    are truly sadder stories for boys
    who cannot love..
    and truly with
    Nature..
    Environments
    of abundance
    or scarcity promoting tribal
    wars has much to do with
    the heart of couRage and
    the womb of liFe.. and aS in
    all stuff.. to balance dualiTy is
    A task of God whole
    in wE.. noW.. as
    Our soUL
    GroWs
    liGht or
    diminishes
    dARk.. empathy
    and compassion are
    not bedfellows that sleep
    well with the sword that must
    strike the brother and sister for
    continued subsistence.. Abundance
    or even enough BrinGs a much greater
    Womb of Love.. as Long as there is balance
    in abundance too.. case given.. first world problems..
    of course.. as the stuff becomes the human over the
    loving touch of what can be a balance of Fearless
    love… how to..
    hard to do..
    when
    day to
    day subsistence
    is scarce.. how to.. when
    day to day abundance.. hard
    to do with excess.. moderation
    and balance the key in all great
    religions.. art thOught in balance
    as there are no cookie cutter
    human beings.. ever
    now as iSreal..
    sure in books
    but books
    must make
    sense where liFe
    is art of always now
    changing toward dARk
    or liGht.. anyWay that doesn’t
    leSson the pain of the womb of
    love who seeks to nurture with
    nurture back.. and as far as what
    can be true of some cultural ways
    in what Khaled Hosseini says in
    ‘A Thousand Spendid Suns’..
    the Son who fearless
    loves IS A hUman..
    A son who
    doesn’t
    has little to no
    shine of man now..:)

    “A man’s heart is a wretched, wretched thing.
    It isn’t like a mother’s womb. It won’t bleed.
    It won’t stretch to make room for you.”

    True.. many men could use a
    Cesarean section of the
    heArt to birth A whole
    spiRit oF EMpathy..
    CoMpasSion of
    EXpResSinG
    fully feeling pro-social
    emoTions.. like the rooms
    where men never crack a smile..
    or the book that never laughs.. the
    shine of Love iS iN sMiLes of EYes..
    MiNd and BoDy soUL BalanCinG
    will never live whole without Fearless sMiLes
    and laughs for Love.. iN DancE and SonG iSREAL..:)

    Other than that.. nice to see you today.. friend Zee.. in
    yoUr life regardless if this is fiction or non-fiction.. it IS
    A TrUth and liGht of Dark for many hUman males..
    may the liGht of males find you..
    no matter what it was or is..
    and may the liGht
    of YoUr eYes
    continue
    to shine as
    Love.. no matter dArk..
    storm of other.. ones.. mY FriEnd..:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Hi Fred ! Nice to hear from you too. Thank you for your insightful comment and sending well wishes my way. As you said “many men could use a Cesarean section of the heArt to birth A whole spiRit oF EMpathy..CoMpasSion of EXpResSinG fully feeling pro-social emoTions.” Sometimes it’s the societal pressure to be “manly” that way, sometimes men are just like that personality wise, some are too egoistic. Lot of them need to press a refresh button ! Hope you have a wonderful day ahead. 😇😊

      Like

  4. rommel says:

    That stabbing pain in the heart, oh my gee, I felt that before. I always hear that from other people, but I was shocked on how real hurtful that feeling was. It’s like tiny shards of glasses pinching, just a tincture, of the outer layers of my heart. Urgh, Zee, why you bringing up bad memories!? 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Haha oh I’m sorry Rommel. But a good thing is they are “memories” now and I’m sure you grew as a person after that experience and better things looked up for you. But It hurts like hell for sure. Like you said “tiny shards of glass pinching the outer layers of heart”… *sigh*

      Like

    • Zee says:

      Well only he knows if he “played” around or was actually serious. I agree it’s better to be straightforward than to waste each other’s time and energy that can only bring pain later 🙂

      Like

  5. Jhaneel says:

    Very interesting! I love the way you capture the subtle exchanges of power, ultimately culminating in the lines, “With that he threw his shackles away, set himself free./ And now there I stood: chained.” Powerful stuff and something we all can relate to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Hi Jhaneel !
      Thank you so much for reading and sharing your your thoughts about the post. It’s sad that a lot of people can relate to it because it’s certainly not a good feeling but I guess it’s a part of life… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. trentpmcd says:

    “//Just a story of a boy who never really loved her//” – His loss….. (though I’m sorry that the pain was all hers if she loved him 😦 ) Very powerfully written. The shackles won’t be there forever and the quick thrust of the verbal sword may have been cruel, but it beats living a lie, stretching out the pain and separation while you wonder, “am I wrong? Does he love me?”

    As I said, you have become a great writer. I’m looking forward to the next “private” post.

    Oh,, BTW – I saw an email on this (unusual because I usually don’t check that account), but when I went to look this wasn’t in my Reader. I think there have been odd glitches in WP – there are days the only people who read my posts are those who purposefully came to my site looking. Just wanted you to know in case not many people see this – it’s Word Press acting up, not anything wrong with your wonderful writing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      I think the same now, it’s better to go though momentary pain of the truth than to go through ever lasting pain of a lie that might scar you forever. Thank you Trent I like diving into different genres now and trying to write things that are out of my comfort zone. But I guess that’s how a writer grows ! 🙂

      Oh and I’m so glad you mentioned it because I noticed the same and thought there might be something wrong with my blog or the way I posted. Similar thing happened with password protected posts. They weren’t visible in the reader or email notifications which is a huge let down. WordPress is really giving me a hard time this time around😟

      Liked by 1 person

      • trentpmcd says:

        It is how you grow as a writer. I don’t push my comfort zone enough and should more often. As I said, i think your writing has grown and you’ve been able to pack more into fewer words.
        WP has been weird lately. I’ll have days/posts with only one or two views and then I’ll have record numbers the next day. I’ll go 3 or 4 days with only views from the US. There are other times that I know all of the views came from people specifically looking for me or that post (either they came to my home page first or came from e-mail and every viewer is someone I see a lot, like you). Just odd stuff. Oh well, what do we expect for free? 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • Zee says:

          You don’t push your comfort zone enough? I don’t think so ! I’ve seen you write such variation of stuff. From poetry to stories to ski-fi to romantic to horror…I mean it pretty much covers everything ! You are one of those writers who have kind of nailed every Genre you have written. You gotta give yourself some credit there Trent 😉

          And either WordPress is having lots of glitches or there’s something wrong with my phone or blog because I can’t access a lot of things on WordPress anymore from the app. Like for instance right now my reader refuses to refresh and let me see new posts. Similarly I can’t see my stats anymore. It’s becoming annoying now. But as you said why do we expect for free 😦

          Liked by 1 person

          • trentpmcd says:

            You are right, I do push my comfort zone, though maybe a little different than you say. Writing in different genre is for the most part just how I write, but i sometimes experiment and always try to push the boundaries. It’s with some of the poetry that my heart stops and I shut my eyes as I click the “Publish” button! I don’t like exposing myself and even if the poetry is based on old stories or random thoughts, it is exposing myself much more than a story!
            WP has been doing weird things lately. I don’t use the phone app often, but I’ve still seen issues. On the first of September I could not visit any posts. Very few people visited mine. Other weird things. (I just checked and the app on my phone seems OK, though I can only go back about an hour.) Often when WP gets glitchy it means they are about to push another update that everyone will hate…. I’m not sure if you get better service if you pay for a site, I think they just get rid of the advertising and let you choose better themes.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Zee says:

              Oh I can totally relate with that Trent. The part about being scared about clicking the “publish” button. For the longest time I’ve been scared of sharing a lot of my writings, I just never felt comfortable because of lot of reasons, a huge one being afraid to “judged”. But a friend told me once to “own my writing” so slowly but surely that’s what I’ve learned to do. Obviously there are still many insecurities and comfortability issues, maybe someday I’ll get there. But looking back I’ve come a long way since and I’ve been happier to break my now created barriers. Not to forget this amazing community I’ve got here that’s always been a massive support 😊

              As far as WordPress is concerned, it’s started working back to normal…for now. Let’s see how long it lasts now🙄

              Liked by 1 person

              • trentpmcd says:

                I’m glad you are stepping out of your comfort zone – your writing has become very good because of it! But yeah, sometimes it is hard opening up. I’m sure doing the pw protected posts for some of the most personal helps. Actually i was thinking of a pw protected post, but it is because there is “adult content”, not because it is personal. Yes, the community here is great!
                I’m glad WP is treating you better today. I think you had a day like what I had back on the 1st. I hope it stays good for you!

                Liked by 1 person

                • Zee says:

                  Yes I’ve never been happier with my writing direction than I am now, pushing my boundaries has only done me good 🙂

                  And if you ever do decide to do password protected posts you already know where to send me the password 😁 I’ll be looking forward I’m adult enough 😜

                  Yup keeping by fingers crossed for this WordPress goddess to keep blessing me lol 😄

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • trentpmcd says:

                    WP can just be so finicky with her blessings – one day on, one day off… I’m hoping the WP goddess does continue to bless you 😛 And me too 😉
                    You should be happy with your writing. You are capturing something in it that is hard to express. Keep pushing those boundaries.

                    Yes, I have a story with adult situations like paying the bills and taking responsibility – for very mature audiences only 😉 Seriously (or reasonable facsimile there of), the story isn’t as graphic as some non-password protected stories I’ve read on different blogs, but is far more so than anything I’ve posted. I just might do put it up….

                    I know I said, but it does bare repeating – may the Word Press Goddess continue to smile upon you and show you her blessing 😀 😉

                    Liked by 1 person

  7. Erika Kind says:

    It may be tough to hear the truth. But knowing the truth and getting the chance to move on is still better than hoping for nothing and hanging on to a lie only because he is not man enough to say it!
    Ah, that is the reason. I was always waiting for your password protected posts. I will check soon. Thank you for letting us know!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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