Rain and Reflections

(WPC: Mirror)

20141014_113947_Android (2)

She was sitting on the chair that barely fit her balcony, her feet perched on the damp rusted railing. It had been raining since morning. She was onto her sixth cigarette and her first glass of whiskey, befuddled about whether or not she liked the rain anymore. Rain drops slipping down the glass window like their words that used to slip down her heart. Effortlessly. Some words used to scratch and claw at her throat as she would try to swallow them whole, like gulping down warm beer. Some words were like silk being dragged across thorns. Agonizing.

Her loneliness. That emptiness. That’s why she smoked. To fill those empty crevices that people left, with toxins. A splendid metaphoric reminder of how they took away her pieces and left her with nothing in return. Not that she wanted anything in return. Or maybe just love? Only love. Oh maybe she was asking for far too much, that silly girl. Who could have given her love? She was one glass of bourbon and one line of cocaine away from death. Hanging on to life by a thin string of her loneliness. That stupid girl.

Back to rain, so she kind of loved rain. It was an excellent accomplice to her demise. At least it was there as she cried. A perfect muse, to mask the tears.

But she kind of hated the rain, it reminded her of her solitary confinement within her own self. The way it would cover her feet with mud reminding her of how unclean her soul was. Fuck, she needed to drink more. She needed to drown her soul clean, even if it meant baptizing herself in poison. Rain was too pure for her. She was too contaminated to be cleaned by something so pristine. Maybe gasoline was a better option. Or even better, absinthe. She was meant for things like absinthe. Or rather things like absinthe were meant for her. That was the only thing that could handle the mourning in her every breath. Everything else was too feeble for her prowliness and too languid to supplement her solitude.

She was sitting on the chair, her legs crossed that once used to wrap around sheets so damn perfectly, her hair that once used to be gripped with conviction, her eyes that once used to reflect constellations, her lips that once used to bleed with passion. Now, everything seemed senile in that deafening silence that surrounded her. So she just smoked some toxins and drank some poison, and just hoped for the suffering to seep out of her being, pore by pore.

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69 thoughts on “Rain and Reflections

  1. Maniparna Sengupta Majumder says:

    I loved, loved, loved, the way you painted her strained and pained mind. Maybe, the sublime raindrops soothed her or, maybe, they just oozed out the caged sufferings she had had in her heart…

    “She needed to drown her soul clean, even if it meant baptizing herself in poison”- wonderful line, Zee… ❤ 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. forgivingjournal says:

    Zee! You are such a talented writer. Thank you for sharing your gifts. It’s honest and elegant all at the same time. So grateful to know you.

    I’m really glad that you came back to my blog. I smiled when I saw your name. Many blessings, Debbie

    ps – Nikki at A Kinder Way is doing a Meet and Greet this weekend if you want to drop in. Here’s the link: https://akinderway.com/2016/09/10/meet-and-greet-weekend-day-2/

    Liked by 2 people

    • Zee says:

      Hi there Debbie! Seeing your comment on my blog made me smile too. Thanks for dropping by and leaving me with your lovely words of appreciation. I’m humbled. 💞

      And thank you for sharing the link, I will definitely check it out. I’m honoured that you considered me for this♥️

      Like

  3. Prajakta says:

    Looks like she has all but given up – yet wishes she can still have another go. But to find the strength is harder. So much easier to succumb to transitional pleasures of toxins? Your narration haunts me! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Zee says:

      Your analysis of this whole piece is spot on! The way she has transitioned from being hopeful to helpless and trying to find strength but failing. Thanks a lot for reading 🌺

      Liked by 1 person

  4. rommel says:

    Another dark writing here, Zee, I don’t know … sometimes I just try my best to embrace the rain and actually be thankful of it … and not think of it as something negative. Hey, when it rains, I get to stay inside, do chores, run errands, chillax, study, and sleep! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Zee says:

      Personally I love rain too. It makes me happy and its cosy and not to mention beautiful as everything around you is washed up and looks brand new! So I like it too Rommel. Sure it can be melancholic and all but it has it’s perks 😉

      Like

  5. Vinny Idol says:

    This reads like a suicide note. I hope im not offending you by interpreting this story in that way.

    I have a love/hate relationship with rain. it reminds me of depressing or “caged” like days at school or work. however, it also reminds me of my days i spent in my room, reading my favorite books.

    This was a good read.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Oh of course not Vinny. That’s the one thing I love about poetry. It can be interpreted any way desired by the reader. So I don’t mind at all 🙂

      I mostly love the rain. This piece of writing was just for the sake of it. But I love the day it rains. Everything about it ! 😊

      Thanks a lot for dropping by my space and leaving your thoughts with me ! Much appreciated. Hope you will be back 😇

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Lala Rukh says:

    Oh God. That just drowned my heart Zee. Why such pain? This state, the state where your vision is fixed onto darkness and all your thoughts are diverted towards it.. It is dreadful. I guess everyone has been there in that state, once or more, but what matters is how you come out of it.
    Your story was hauntingly dark but written so beautifully with amazing metaphors that fit perfectly. I absolutely loved it. And I wish it was just a fiction, with no trace of how you feel. Even if you do, just remember there is a finishing line for every hard time.
    Love you loads ! xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Lala Rukh says:

      Oh and the photo, How it is focused on the rain drops and everything else blurs out like in real life when you start gazing at the rain and every thing else just goes into the background, I LOVE it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Zee says:

        Oooh thank youuuu so much ! I’m humbled by your praise of both my writing and photo that accompanies it. Rain does has that effect, it’s happiness, sadness, melancholy and joy all crammed into one. Depending on the mood. 😄🌺😊

        Like

    • Zee says:

      Hi Lala !!!
      There are many reasons for the pain. And it has to go somewhere and it has to find a way to seep out of your system. Sometimes it spills in form of words and I hope for something beautiful to come out of it.

      By the way, it made me so happy to see you drop by. Thanks a lot Lala for reading this and your comment. Much love to you❤️

      Like

  7. Mabel Kwong says:

    This piece sounded very haunting. Love is such an elusive thing. One day it can be here, and the next day gone. I felt a bit sad when I read the part the character thought drinking gasoline might be a solution. Either she is in a dark place or has a good sense of humour, or both. Beautifully done 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Both! I think she was in a dark place but had a sense of humour too 😋 Thank you so much Mabel for reading my work, hearing your insight always makes me day. Hope you have a nice week ahead 💗🌺

      Liked by 1 person

  8. katiemiafrederick says:

    The state of human being..
    IS A State with no boundaries
    of what can be Universe of FeeLinG
    liT ways noW.. or the darkest space gONe
    that Now
    never ends2..
    the best thing oF aLL
    iS aLL of UniVerse eventuAlly
    changes.. from gRain of sand to
    largest Galaxy sAme.. to insame now
    oF uS in DArk too.. mY friEnd named Zee..
    and tHeRe are addictions.. neither substance
    or behavioral that will replace the human heARt..
    FeeLinGs SeNses aLL of what moves uS to greater
    liGht.. and all the rest that is dArker than liGht to come..
    liGht to come
    liGht to come..
    sure.. i pray
    for you for liGht
    to stay.. but trUly
    oNly thAT stays IS A
    liGht from Within.. and
    that mY friEnd IS A liGht
    that no outside Force WiLL GiVe
    but the Force oF aLL within.. creates.. given
    enough looking and finding and practicing iSREAL..:)

    And.. yeah.. i remember when every water drop was dArkest
    hell of depression.. so cold inside.. and now all there is.. IS A
    Sparkling Rainbow oF liGht with or without colors now @ALL..
    Within.. mY FriEnd.. the greAteST changes.. are alWAys wiThiN..:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Thank you Fred for your enlightening words. I completely agree with what you said about the power and light of change coming from within. It takes some time to recognise the power that lies within and you will always have days where the darkness will take over but life is the name of struggle. Thanks again for your words ! 🙂😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • katiemiafrederick says:

        As i just mentioned to another person.. Zee..
        you know.. Lala Rukh.. who has come
        back from almost a year of silence
        online.. and similar
        words to
        Himali now..
        who has also
        come back to blogging
        from months of silence..
        the thing you have in common
        with both of them.. is you are the
        only other one who reached out to
        them in their absence just since
        August to see how
        they were
        doing and
        that my friend
        makes you special
        in the most important
        way.. you not only love..
        you reach out to the silent
        ones as well..
        and truly
        back in the
        ‘old days’.. there
        would be those who would
        fall away from Society but then
        as my Great Aunt who was 94
        at the time said.. in the old days..
        people would travel far to check on
        them to make sure they are still okay..
        those were the human days my friend..
        you still live in the human days.. and that my friend.. even online..
        too.. is the greatest gift that God gives us.. to live the human days…
        aT the last breathe.. at the last rise of chest for heart beat what
        you and others..
        will likely
        remember then..
        is the Love you give..
        and that my friend is all
        one will take with them at that
        point.. stay blessed in giving friend..
        As Giving and Sharing is the higher power
        of God that lives as spark.. fire.. and Hurricane
        of WindS iN Fearless love that are fELt as Lightening
        to connect..
        the hUman
        Breath
        oF LifE noW..:)

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Erika Kind says:

    When the soul is crying that the mind doesn’t follow its path of looking at the bright side just next to her. She only needed to turn her head, look outside the window, and realize that she can even open that window and feel the fresh breeze of air that clears the pollution in the room. The heart won’t follow the mind because the heart knows more… if just the mind would listen… then both could work towards the same direction ….. and she would smile again! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  10. trentpmcd says:

    Wow Zee, you’ve gotten to be a great writer! Not that I didn’t think that before, but since your return post after post has been great. It isn’t just the scene that you paint with your words, it’s the specific colours you choose to use when you make those word-pictures, the little nuances that say much more than being just flat details.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. charlypriest says:

    Again, truly well written. By the way you should make a second part on this one and tell us if she kills herself or not. Maybe give it a twist and she ends up being in Hollywood all happy. I hope, wich in your writing I believe is hoping too much for a good ending, but try it, tryyyyyy it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Hahaha only you can write such endings Charly! A character like her ending up in the Hollywood out of nowhere. But as far as the second part is concerned, she doesn’t kill herself, I don’t think so. Its just the way she feels at that moment and is it says in the end “hopes for the suffering to seep out of her being” 🙂

      Like

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