Night Feels Like My Funeral

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(WPC: Frame )

Night feels like my funeral. The memories gather for my eulogy and I stare at the 6 ft deep grave into the darkness.

The night feels like my funeral. The somber atmosphere, the stillness in air, the moon hides behind clouds trying to disguise the sorrow it feels for me today.

The sky does not shine with stars, they quietly fade into the background. The sky sprawls above me, solemn. So does the earth beneath my feet, grievous. They both are quiet.

The wind too it seems, knows about my slow demise. It has ceased, to give me a moment of silence. The time seems to standstill. The only thing I can hear is the sound of my heart breaking. Tearing apart fiber by fiber. Crippling under the weight of my heavy chest. I feel it slowly disintegrate.

Disarmed. Slowly fading.

The night feels like my funeral. I hope to someday rest in peace.

Unlike these nights that only feel like my mourning.

________

(Side Note: I’m starting a series of password protected posts soon. If you wish to read please leave your email address down below in the comment or contact me at mine. I’ll send you the password which will remain the same for all the coming posts of the series. Thank you. )

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70 thoughts on “Night Feels Like My Funeral

  1. Swoosieque says:

    Hi Zee! As usual, your writing plays the music of the heart. This is beautifully written and felt. Sometimes dark feelings bring out the deepest colors in the art of writing. Yours certainly does!

    By the way, please send me the password so I can keep reading you! swoosieque@gmail.com.

    Lots of love being sent your way! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Hi Swoosie! First of all I’m so happy to see you drop by my blog. Thanks for reading and your words of appreciation. For me that’s the only way to let out these emotions- writing. It’s a bonus that it comes out beautifully 🙂

      I’ll send you the password right away. Thanks you ❤️

      Like

  2. Prajakta says:

    I have thought of night along these lines a few times but never with the same intensity and depth. This is borderline scary to be honest! Hope you get your sunrise and write something about birth and being alive then 🙂

    P.S. I want the password. Don’t laugh at the ID, I was 11 – praju_22_funky@yahoo.com

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Thank you Prajakta, I hope for the same. Nights like these do not happen too often but when they do, it’s one to remember and words like these cant help but flow. Because that’s the only way to somehow let it escape out of your system.

      And that ID is funny but it’s even funnier that it’s still active, hehe. But hey no judging , we have all done things we regret in our teens 😂 lol

      Thank you for following my journey. I appreciate it a lot ❤️

      Like

    • Zee says:

      Oh yes! That’s literally like the best escape plan ever discovered by mankind…to sleep it off ! 😝And hope for morning to be better than the night before 😉

      Like

    • Zee says:

      Yes it can be wonderful and eerie both depending on your state of mind. Thank you Rosie for reading this and leaving your thoughts behind with me ! ☺️

      Like

  3. katiemiafrederick says:

    Hi Zee.. of course i’d love to follow along with you
    and you can reach me at katiemia7@gmail.com..
    Did you feel that 60% of Smart and heart is art..
    WeLL.. Zee.. see literAlly iT is.. and
    Evil spelled backwards is Live..
    and Devil spelled backwards is
    Lived and Stressed spelled backwards
    is Desserts and yes Desserts Lived Live..
    is a greater pLease of life than Evil Devil
    Lived and oh yeah.. even in the word
    HeLL.. in fact 50% of HeLL iS God
    as EL does mean God in
    some of the first
    of Abrahamic
    Religious words
    for GoD and
    ELOHIM..
    in early
    Abrahamic
    Religion Tradition..
    of course translated into
    English as all these words exist now..
    And in the Christian New Testament Heaven
    is addressed as on earth in this generation..
    and in the Quran.. Muhammad addressees
    Hell as near too as he journeyed to this
    place while in life.. and true
    there is only one person
    who kNows the full
    extent of both
    Heaven and
    Hell my friEnd
    and that is what
    psychiatry names
    as the Bi-Polar soul..
    and before Psychiatry
    is it is thought that these folks
    range from Leonardo to Michelangelo..
    to Beethoven.. to Vincent Van Gogh..
    to so many more folks who have
    done so much in the Heaven
    pArts and even Hell parts
    of tHeir life on this
    earth my friend..
    and there is no doubt
    from what is left of the words
    of the man Yeshua.. and what
    is written of the man Muhammad
    by those who actually knew him that
    both these men existed on this Bi-polar
    spectrum of high and low at least.. to
    have as much love and discontent with
    the way things were to make a change
    and a change they both made no matter how
    one may disagree or agree with the details that ensued..
    so in other words.. many of the folks i have met in the poetry
    world are on this spectrum of greatest liGht and greatest dArk of
    heaven and hell too.. and sure.. i am technically diagnosed as both
    on the Autism Spectrum with Asperger’s Syndrome and with Bi-Polar
    disOrder too.. but the thing with me.. is.. i have a super logical mind from
    the Asperger’s that i got from my father’s side mostly and a super art mind
    from my mother’s side mostly that the Bi-Polar came from that is heavy
    in folks in my family who have became very successful and the
    opposite Van Gogh.. as the Dark Black hole soul of life that
    can come with the Bright Yellow Sun way of
    bEinG.. anyWay.. iN putting it much shorter
    terms than this.. poeTicAlly i can relate to the
    dArk niGht of the
    soul where
    all is time
    and
    nothing
    moves or feels
    or senses at all.. this
    place of dark tarRed and OiLed
    bird who iS in a place that is cold
    inside.. year round in a day where spring
    never comes nor even winter nor even
    any change at all in a place i once
    named as aghogday..
    for another ground
    hog day..
    where
    SpRing
    never ever
    comes in a heart
    that has lost art.. in
    a smart that has lost art..
    in a live that feels evil as it
    has no heARt.. to lived that
    has become Devil of who i felt
    as nothing but nothing as piece of
    paper existence then.. kNowing that
    a fire of hell in dowsing oneself with
    gasoline would be preferable to feeling
    and sensing nothing.. nothing.. @ALL mY
    friEnd.. and in that place i understand precisely what
    God was and is.. the Interconnecting.. Interdependent
    relationship of all that is.. and when one becomes separated
    from God like this.. there is no tear for a drop of Lazarus in that
    place here.. it is the place that likely all true prophets of God have
    gone too.. a place beyond all fears.. all tears.. a place where even
    mythological demons and creatures dare not tread.. and when a person
    goes here.. they will report this place does exist.. if they ever make it out..
    and perhaps they will become a great artist in SonG.. DancE.. Poetry.. Theater..
    Paint.. and even Inventor too.. to BrinG the HUman race up to a place far far from
    hell hEar on eARTh.. my friend.. as even Earth is comprised of 60% Art.. so are all
    these 60% statistics from the hUman who sPeaks with language of God’s SKeYeS
    as God Sees KeY trYinG to tale uS something that IS A secret plain in our siGht
    that most people miss in every day language who are not hEaRinG
    and SeeInG/FeeLinG the Deeper meanings of Life that God
    places even in the way we wRitE.. sure.. it’s
    safe to say it IS A caution from God in
    plain siTe.. to make life more
    art and less science
    my FriEnd.. soUl
    iN miNd and
    BoDy
    BaLancinG
    for the path
    to heaven is Art
    of HeARt and SpiRiT
    ExprESsinG tHat ARt
    as alWAys has been dONE
    iN DancE and SonG ever sinCe
    the MoVinG Big Bang and the SonG
    thaT STiLL makes as the background noise
    as God sTiLL DanceS and SinGs Free.. wE are
    God mY FriEnd.. no different than the smAllest GRAin
    of sand that spirals at subatomic flow at Golden Mean
    Spiral of 1.618.. all is holy and sacred from EL to HELL..
    and ALL iS a TeSt from GoD to Be like God in DancE and
    SonG.. my therapist asked me once.. advice on how to help
    her client as he had never ever experienced emotions in
    his life.. all his heart was was he with no art attached
    to that amputation of soul my FriEnd.. WeLL.. i
    tOld her the only way i could see out for
    him.. would be to go somewhere
    legal and private and dance
    with God all naked
    with feet attached
    to the mother of
    Earth bare
    as foot
    and feat
    of dance sAMe..
    Well.. you now.. that’s really
    not even considered socially acceptable
    over here in the U.S… as only a fool for God
    would do that.. well the thing is.. even in the
    Gospel of Thomas.. Jesus was reported as
    saying in vs. 37 to see the living one inside
    that was the father as they referred to God
    living inside then.. one must strip
    their clothes
    and tread
    on them unashamed
    in front of God.. WeLL my
    friend.. if they did that then..
    sure.. they could be stoned too..
    for being insane as nothing more
    than a Holy Fool then.. but those who
    Love God most and want to feel God from
    head to toe.. will find a way.. to sense and feel
    all of what God offers as Gift on this earth in an inheritance
    of heaven now.. and those clothes include culture.. school and
    work.. as truly the heart IS A muscle of Love that must be exercised
    full time all of life to be strong as Muscle of Love can come to be.. and
    my friEnd.. after going to hell.. several times in life.. with the last stint..
    lasting 66 months tHeRe wHeRe tHeRe was no memory of emotions..
    as with the total loss of emotions.. memories that are emotions
    do not exist there.. even as a tear.. a smile.. or the most
    distant faint water drop of a laugh in hell..
    it’s impossible to color the bLack
    of each individual hell my
    friend.. but only
    through poetry
    and other forms
    of Art now FuLL
    is it possible truly
    in words and art..
    to
    heal
    the
    heart
    back to art..
    the smart back to art..
    the devil back to lived..
    the evil back to live.. and
    as whole the Earth back to art..
    where is desserts all of everywhere
    F R O M S T R E S S E D I N H E L L..
    TO we see and feel.. wHere we hold hands
    again and say i Love you My friEnd no matter
    who is looking or listening noW.. mY FriEnd..
    there are no coincidences in life my friEnd..
    theRe is no random.. not even in the
    God who exists in HeLL every
    moment God is hOlding
    uS toGeTheR whether
    we feel or see
    thiS noW..
    all is synchronicity
    iN aLL dARk to liGht
    to sHades of Grey to
    hues beyond the bRightest
    Rainbow uNiCorn Blue mOon..
    all is a canvas.. all is a stage all
    are we as actors and paint of the masterpiece of God..
    and one day my friEnd i aM going to paint God in words as brush..
    in a way that most everyone will see and feel both God and heaven now..
    mArk
    my
    words..
    mY friEnd..
    and you are helping
    me as just anotHeR messenger of God.. FReED..
    and yes.. that makes you special.. a very special woman inDeeD wiTh LOVE..:)

    SigNeD.. jusT
    anotHeR Holy FooL for God..
    wHere aLL is Luke Hot mY FriEnd..
    aWay from the other place of CoLD..:)

    And these are my passwords to Heaven for you..
    and no.. i except nOthing in return.. not even a password from you..
    the gift
    is what
    you have
    aLready inspiRed heRe..
    as a friEnd to
    mE..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mabel Kwong says:

    While nights can be quiet and peaceful, at the same time they can bring out our worst fears and push us to be more honest with ourselves. The darkness engulfing us can make us feel like the end, but it’s not. To see the light in these moments, we have to learn to turn inside 🙂 Love to follow along, Zee. Will be in touch x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      “The darkness engulfing us can make us feel like the end, but it’s not.” That’s pretty much the whole conclusion of everything Mabel and very rightly said by you. It’s just waiting for the dawn and for light to appear is an anguish within itself. But I guess as long as we’ve hope about somethings better to come, it’s alright to have such nights once a while.

      Also thanks a lot for following me along, it makes me so happy to have you around by my side. Much love to you ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. trentpmcd says:

    Very dark indeed. Also very well written. I like the poem a lot, I but hate that that your heart is still “tearing apart fiber by fiber”. Perhaps the night should be your friend, where the memories speak but then are lost in the darkness and your mind can look forward in hope to the dawn, not back at the setting of the sun and hope.

    I like your writing and poems. Of course I’d love to see what you continue to write. Let me know if you need further directions on sending the password to unlock the key to the words of your heart 😉 OK, your poems, but “the key to the words of your heart” sounds more poetic :D.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Erika Kind says:

    You drew us deeply into your world, Zee! I truly hope that this world was only visited by you in order to write this post. I sit outside right now. It is a beautiful warm summer night as I love them. The stars are shining above me and the crickets are filling the air with their beautiful sound. There is one star twinkling heavily and I ponder if it is an airplane. But it stays in place and keeps twinkling like crazy like a diamond. There is still a bright glow surrounding the black mountain chain. All is peaceful and calm. The night feels like a blanket that covers the day to protect it until tomorrow….. Much love to you, Zee 💖

    Liked by 1 person

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