She sits in front of me, a walking contradiction. A cigarette between her lips and a pack in her lap, a lighter in another hand flipping it on and off. She knew that drove me crazy and that I wanted her to stop but she got off on driving me crazy so I let her. This time I let her. I could tell the storm in her head was a little too much for her to bear today. I could see the blizzard in her eyes and tornado right on the tip of her tongue. She was a fiery combustion on most days but a cyclone of hurricane and angst on days like these. And the most damage she did was to herself.
“You shouldn’t smoke this much. I don’t have to tell you how unhealthy it is.” I tell her.
“F**k off. I don’t like you very much.” She says taking a long hard puff of her cigarette, that I’m pretty sure went as far down in her lungs as it possibly could. Poison seeping into its walls. She looked me in the eyes as if challenging me to stop her from this self inflicting harm. I don’t know what would hurt her more; me stopping her or letting her continue to do what she was doing. But one thing I knew for sure, I wanted her against the wall.
“It’s okay you don’t have to.”, I say. She wasn’t ocean’s water, she was the stormy raining sky. She was a downpour of defiance and sass.
“You think you know everything, but you don’t. And stop leaving your body to corrode. You need to stop letting them steal you from you so easily. You give yourself on a fucking plate. You are the kind they devour. The kind they relish while tearing apart piece by piece. The kind they ravage and enjoy. Stop please stop.”
The ash from the burning cigarette was falling off the edge at the end of her fingertips. And i felt like so was she; falling off the edge. Or was it me? I was the one falling for her. There was no saving me from the fall but I wanted to save her. She had enough damage done to her, another fall and I could feel that would break her. Shatter, more precisely. Her head and heart were already pretty disintegrated.
“Don’t tell me what to do and what not to do. Who the fuck do you think you are?” She roars. So headstrong and untamed. “Just let me be. This body is mine, let me do whatever I want with it.”
“What about the soul that houses in it?”
“What about it? Do you want it? Take it. All those that came before you wanted the same. Everybody wants a piece of it. Take it, whatever’s left of it. I don’t need it anymore. I don’t fucking care.” She threw away the cigarette she was smoking and reached for another
from her pack.
“Don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because.”
She contemplated for a second, flipping the lighter on and off between her fingers. She looked at me. She was unraveling me with her eyes and I felt it. I was a frightened boy trapped in a man’s body and she saw it. She kept staring at me quietly, and I felt weak. She was looking at me like she was deciphering me, like a code that cracked the moment she laid eyes on me. A part of me was afraid of what she’d find. Or if what she would find be worthy of her. Her gaze was scrutinizing. Maybe I should have just let her smoke, I mulled over my decision. She stopped playing with her lighter and eased back into her chair, her legs sprawled casually in front of her.
“Okay.”, she finally said. And her rain met with my athirst river.
(In response to Discover challenge: Portraits and Daily prompt:Maybe)
Zee, what do you think of Lorde’s music?
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That girl is one great badass.
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I feel so too! Thanks a ton Saadia !☺️🌸♥️
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❤ :*
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Really liked it Zee how you portrayed emotions , an expressive write.. 😊
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Thank you very much Sana for reading, much appreciated 💗
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I love Lana ❤
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Me too ! So unique 😄😄
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a) this is fantastic
b) you are an excellent writer!
c) I love the comments intro “a chocolate bar for your thoughts” 🙂
Blessings your way, thanks also for visiting my blog. Take good care & nice to connect.
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Oh hi there ! This is so sweet. Your comment made me smile. Thanks a lot for taking time to visit my corner of the blogging world as well and leaving your footprints.
I’ll definitely be keeping up with you. Hope to see you more often from now on😊
Have a lovely weekend.
Much love your way 💗
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Oh thank you Zee!! You have a lovely weekend too. It’s so nice to connect with you. ❤ Love your way too & smiles!
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Same ! It’s so nice to much such sweet souls as you around the blogging world ! 😊
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I just loved the last line. The playing of different moods becomes wonderfully coherent in the end… 🙂
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Thanks so much for giving this a read and your input ! Much appreciated Maniparna 💗😘
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Wow! I’ve only just found your blog – it’s amazing! 🙂
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Hi Katie! Thanks so much for dropping by. I’m glad you liked your visit. Hope you’ll drop by again 😊
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I definitely will! Keep it up! 🙂
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Thank you 😇
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This is amazing work! I feel for people who smoke, especially younger generation.
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Yeah. Thank you Alok ! 😄😊
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Stunning work Zee !! Love it. Sharp as a razor.
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Hi Lita, thanks a lot for giving this a read. I’m glad you loved it 😊💗
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“There was no saving me from the fall but I wanted to save her.”
Strikingly well put, and I know that feeling…
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Hi Eleanor ! Thanks so much for dropping by and leaving your thoughts behind with me. Much appreciated 😊
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Just a beautiful post! Amazing work.
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Hi, Thanks a lot for reading and leaving a comment 💗
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You’re welcome! 🙂
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😊💗
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Wow Zee, this text is amazing! I was totally hooked while reading! You really have a talent! I’m so proud of you ❤
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Hey thank you Nad for reading. I’m glad you enjoyed it. You are the dearest ! 😘❤️
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A whirlwind of a read. I love how the story could definitely different directions at different moments.
Wait, why am I reading this? Who in the world are you again? 🙂 😀 😉
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Haha hey hey it’s me it’s me, Same old zee Rommel !! 🙈
Thank you so much for giving this a read. I’m glad you liked it 😊
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Nice response to the challenge.
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Thanks a lot 😊😊
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Wow, Zee, that was very powerfully written. I like the metaphors you use in this, all full of water, storms, rain and ocean against smoke, flame, fire and fury. The inner cyclones launched by a smoldering look – perfect. Maybe you should write a book someday….
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Oh thank you Trent. I believe some looks can do so much more than even actions sometimes. This was something i wrote and shared way out of my comfort zone. I was waiting to here your thoughts on it. I’m glad you liked the way it was written 😊
(And well as far as book is concerned…you already know. Hehe 😀 )
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I do really like it a lot, I think you did a great job with it. Going outside of our comfort zones is a way that we grow.
Sometimes looks do say so much more than words or actions. That’s easier to come across in a picture or a movie than in words, but you did a good job describing that look.
As far as looks and books go, no spoilers in my comments. Maybe 😉
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Haha well thank you for holding up the spoilers 😉
And I’m so happy to hear your thoughts on it Trent. You already know your input is so valuable to me 😊
Hope you are having a good week !
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Oh, Zee, this was amazing. Caught between a tempest and a storm and wondering which way to turn.
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Right? Both ways are alluring but scary. Thank you Rob for giving this a read 😊
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Yes, but scary can be replaced with exciting, too. It’s that first step filled with trepidation and one that must be taken or a lifetime will be left to question why or why not.
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Oh yes “exciting” is the word often used too. Sometimes you gotta take that leap of faith. Sometimes you soar to the sky while other times you splat head first on the ground 😌
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Yes, but life is the journey and we make it far more interesting when we take chances. Just don’t splat your head on the ground, ‘cuz then I’ll have to clean up. 😉
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Oh Rob. I think it’s a little too late for that. A cleaning job is in order 😂
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Oh dear! You are going to have to email me with the details, Zee!
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Yeah Rob. I’m planning something. I’ll let you know real soon. You have the same email address as before?
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I have the comcast one still, or you can reach me at friendswithoutborders@yahoo.com
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Okay got it Rob!😄😇
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Hi Zee.. i don’t work..
i only play so i am the
first here to say knock knock..
and Lana Del Rey has
a voice that sinGs
the dArk place
of mosT all the
greaTest
poEtry
that fLows
from a River
of hUman
hands sunk
bEfore in a reign
of numb pain.. that
feels little to no heARt..
the spiRit of ThAT heARt
that moves.. connects and
creates toGEtHer onE for basic
subsistence and survival.. in real
MiNd and BoDy BaLanCinG soUL…
iN so many folks that has beCome the
butt of sad song cigarette of days gOne
by wHere the child was/is rarely attached
at breast from/now birth.. wHeRe simple
play in GroWinG MoVinG..
conNecTinG CreATinGways
is replaced now sTiLL
by sitting
sTill behind
lecture desks
and books the
same that have no
touching flesh and
blood connection.. or
even barefoot oxytocin
connectors to Mother Earth
as Love for God NatuRally iNcreases
in respect of all thaT is.. as giVing liFe
and never taKing that all away
until death comes
as it will come later
of course as
the
cycle
of life in
Wheel of fortune
oF breathing goeS on
as Star dust we feel.. sense..
kNow liVe iN eYes of God pArt
Whole oF liVing UniVerse poeTs
we come..
to say..
Hello
my FriEnd
hope you noW
are having a nice day..
and God bless the butts
of cigarettes that feel no play..
in simply loving each other Nature
whole God as humble and majestic Gift of LIFE..
sAdly.. some folks live alMost tHeir entire lifE wiTh
A deaTh liVing feeling of born to die.. those
who are born to truly
live are watered as gift
of Garden oF Love
iN floWerinG
eYes Of
God pARt allone..
liveS in heaven now..
bottom line
of
God’s
Voice in
We who SinG
thAT SonG Free.. my FriEnd.. Zee..
A Mother’s Love can make or break a cigarette butt..
i don’t smoke.. drink.. or even do caffeine.. i don’t need
more money.. a bigger home.. a bigger car or even.. now..
a job.. my mother was/is employed as a giver and a nurturer
by God so-Freed.. and noW i continue that traiTioN oF God aLL FReED2..
and thAt cOld of tHat cigarette JOB of biblical account.. i too.. a tarRed bird
of before in the pit of ThaT oiL thAt kNows the birth of death in life alWays ready to die..
i livE noW
i live
bottom line
my friEnd Now..
i
Live..
And aGain have a nice day..
With love of a cigarette butt comes back to liFe..:)
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Hi Fred. You’re always welcome here to comment. Makes me so happy to see your name pop in my notifications. I liked the way you put the perspectives of being ‘born to die’ in different relationships from your mother to you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Have a lovely day ahead 😊
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Hi Zee..
My pleasure..
Thanks for all your
Inspiring writings..:)
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It’s a pleasure, thank YOU for taking some of your precious time and reading my posts and sharing your valuable thoughts with me ! 😊
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Always
Love it..:)
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😊😇
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