Her.

She sits in front of me, a walking contradiction. A cigarette between her lips and a pack in her lap, a lighter in another hand flipping it on and off. She knew that drove me crazy and that I wanted her to stop but she got off on driving me crazy so I let her. This time I let her. I could tell the storm in her head was a little too much for her to bear today. I could see the blizzard in her eyes and tornado right on the tip of her tongue. She was a fiery combustion on most days but a cyclone of hurricane and angst on days like these. And the most damage she did was to herself.

“You shouldn’t smoke this much. I don’t have to tell you how unhealthy it is.” I tell her.

“F**k off. I don’t like you very much.” She says taking a long hard puff of her cigarette, that I’m pretty sure went as far down in her lungs as it possibly could. Poison seeping into its walls. She looked me in the eyes as if challenging me to stop her from this self inflicting harm. I don’t know what would hurt her more; me stopping her or letting her continue to do what she was doing. But one thing I knew for sure, I wanted her against the wall.

“It’s okay you don’t have to.”, I say. She wasn’t ocean’s water, she was the stormy raining sky. She was a downpour of defiance and sass.

“You think you know everything, but you don’t. And stop leaving your body to corrode. You need to stop letting them steal you from you so easily. You give yourself on a fucking plate. You are the kind they devour. The kind they relish while tearing apart piece by piece. The kind they ravage and enjoy. Stop please stop.”

The ash from the burning cigarette was falling off the edge at the end of her fingertips. And i felt like so was she; falling off the edge. Or was it me? I was the one falling for her. There was no saving me from the fall but I wanted to save her. She had enough damage done to her, another fall and I could feel that would break her. Shatter, more precisely. Her head and heart were already pretty disintegrated.

“Don’t tell me what to do and what not to do. Who the fuck do you think you are?” She roars. So headstrong and untamed. “Just let me be. This body is mine, let me do whatever I want with it.”

“What about the soul that houses in it?”

“What about it? Do you want it? Take it. All those that came before you wanted the same. Everybody wants a piece of it. Take it, whatever’s left of it. I don’t need it anymore. I don’t fucking care.” She threw away the cigarette she was smoking and reached for another
from her pack.

“Don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

She contemplated for a second, flipping the lighter on and off between her fingers. She looked at me. She was unraveling me with her eyes and I felt it. I was a frightened boy trapped in a man’s body and she saw it. She kept staring at me quietly, and I felt weak. She was looking at me like she was deciphering me, like a code that cracked the moment she laid eyes on me. A part of me was afraid of what she’d find. Or if what she would find be worthy of her. Her gaze was scrutinizing. Maybe I should have just let her smoke, I mulled over my decision. She stopped playing with her lighter and eased back into her chair, her legs sprawled casually in front of her.

“Okay.”, she finally said. And her rain met with my athirst river.

(In response to Discover challenge: Portraits and Daily prompt:Maybe)

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54 thoughts on “Her.

  1. rommel says:

    A whirlwind of a read. I love how the story could definitely different directions at different moments.
    Wait, why am I reading this? Who in the world are you again? 🙂 😀 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. trentpmcd says:

    Wow, Zee, that was very powerfully written. I like the metaphors you use in this, all full of water, storms, rain and ocean against smoke, flame, fire and fury. The inner cyclones launched by a smoldering look – perfect. Maybe you should write a book someday….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Zee says:

      Oh thank you Trent. I believe some looks can do so much more than even actions sometimes. This was something i wrote and shared way out of my comfort zone. I was waiting to here your thoughts on it. I’m glad you liked the way it was written 😊
      (And well as far as book is concerned…you already know. Hehe 😀 )

      Liked by 1 person

      • trentpmcd says:

        I do really like it a lot, I think you did a great job with it. Going outside of our comfort zones is a way that we grow.

        Sometimes looks do say so much more than words or actions. That’s easier to come across in a picture or a movie than in words, but you did a good job describing that look.

        As far as looks and books go, no spoilers in my comments. Maybe 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • Zee says:

          Haha well thank you for holding up the spoilers 😉

          And I’m so happy to hear your thoughts on it Trent. You already know your input is so valuable to me 😊

          Hope you are having a good week !

          Liked by 1 person

  3. katiemiafrederick says:

    Hi Zee.. i don’t work..
    i only play so i am the
    first here to say knock knock..
    and Lana Del Rey has
    a voice that sinGs
    the dArk place
    of mosT all the
    greaTest
    poEtry
    that fLows
    from a River
    of hUman
    hands sunk
    bEfore in a reign
    of numb pain.. that
    feels little to no heARt..
    the spiRit of ThAT heARt
    that moves.. connects and
    creates toGEtHer onE for basic
    subsistence and survival.. in real
    MiNd and BoDy BaLanCinG soUL…
    iN so many folks that has beCome the
    butt of sad song cigarette of days gOne
    by wHere the child was/is rarely attached
    at breast from/now birth.. wHeRe simple
    play in GroWinG MoVinG..
    conNecTinG CreATinGways
    is replaced now sTiLL
    by sitting
    sTill behind
    lecture desks
    and books the
    same that have no
    touching flesh and
    blood connection.. or
    even barefoot oxytocin
    connectors to Mother Earth
    as Love for God NatuRally iNcreases
    in respect of all thaT is.. as giVing liFe
    and never taKing that all away
    until death comes
    as it will come later
    of course as
    the
    cycle
    of life in
    Wheel of fortune
    oF breathing goeS on
    as Star dust we feel.. sense..
    kNow liVe iN eYes of God pArt
    Whole oF liVing UniVerse poeTs
    we come..
    to say..
    Hello
    my FriEnd
    hope you noW
    are having a nice day..
    and God bless the butts
    of cigarettes that feel no play..
    in simply loving each other Nature
    whole God as humble and majestic Gift of LIFE..
    sAdly.. some folks live alMost tHeir entire lifE wiTh
    A deaTh liVing feeling of born to die.. those
    who are born to truly
    live are watered as gift
    of Garden oF Love
    iN floWerinG
    eYes Of
    God pARt allone..
    liveS in heaven now..
    bottom line
    of
    God’s
    Voice in
    We who SinG
    thAT SonG Free.. my FriEnd.. Zee..
    A Mother’s Love can make or break a cigarette butt..
    i don’t smoke.. drink.. or even do caffeine.. i don’t need
    more money.. a bigger home.. a bigger car or even.. now..
    a job.. my mother was/is employed as a giver and a nurturer
    by God so-Freed.. and noW i continue that traiTioN oF God aLL FReED2..
    and thAt cOld of tHat cigarette JOB of biblical account.. i too.. a tarRed bird
    of before in the pit of ThaT oiL thAt kNows the birth of death in life alWays ready to die..
    i livE noW
    i live
    bottom line
    my friEnd Now..
    i
    Live..
    And aGain have a nice day..
    With love of a cigarette butt comes back to liFe..:)

    Liked by 1 person

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