State Of Mind

She was laying on bed in the dark, the quietness of the night was absorbing her silent screams successfully. The only sound was coming from the wall clock ticking by in rhythmic unison with her heart beat thumping dramatically in her ears. She stared into nothingness- she didn’t know how much time passed by as she silently struggled to keep her thoughts at bay.

Her skin was itching from the inside- something wanted an escape. She rubbed and crossed her feet together in agitation. The struggle with her own selfย  was becoming violent with each passing second.

Struggle. Struggle. Struggle.

Her mind was being pulled into million different directions. Every direction worse than the other as she struggled fervently to escape.

Escape. Escape. Escape.

Where to go?
Where to run?
The day will soon come,
Followed by the same demonic night with stealth and burning red eyes.

Her soul! Her soul! Her soul!

Somebody.

Help.

Oh.

Gone.

The battle is lost.

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62 thoughts on “State Of Mind

  1. Swoosieque says:

    Zee, your writing is so beautiful and this brought me back to a nightmare where a demonic voice was chasing me and out of nowhere, another voice said, “the only way out, is through.” I ran toward my fear, the demonic voice, I ran “through” it and survived. That dream taught me an incredible life-lesson. Thank you for sharing! โค

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mabel Kwong says:

    Another beautiful write from you, Zee. Again you did it. So much emotion within your words. “The struggle with her own self was becoming violent…Struggle. Struggle. Struggle.” I relate to this so much. Don’t know if you are one to have dreams, but these days I dream most nights. Nightmares, and as they happen through my mind as I lie on my bed, part of me wants to wake up but a part of me doesn’t. A struggle indeed.

    Sometimes when we are down, we only hear the sound of our voices. Perhaps its the fear within us that stimulates us to keep to ourselves, hence to listen to ourselves. But, as Florence and the Machines said, “It’s always darkest before the dawn”. The light will always be there at some point ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      You are right Mabel, some dreams are manifestation of our fears, worries, anxieties or even anger… It’s been a while since I had conventional nightmares, but one kind has stuck with me since my childhood where I’m running- just running from something, or someone, I don’t know who…and it never manages to catch me though but the rush is unexplainable…
      And then there are few nightmares that are way too real to be just mere dreams…the one I wrote about here, these are the worst in my opinion.

      But as you said, there is always light at the end of the tunnel so eventually day comes and struggle gets easier, even if it’s for a little while until night comes to devour again…and the cycle continues..

      Like

      • Mabel Kwong says:

        Maybe you were running because you were strong…or it is an indication that you are stronger than you think. I’ve had dreams like that too, when I’m running for hours on end. As you said, we could be running from something. Or we could be running towards something because we want to. There’s a positive spin on it โค

        Liked by 1 person

        • lifeconfusions says:

          Hey I dreamed about running last night, how spooky is that?! It’s been a while since I had such dream but we were talking about it yesterday and then I had the dream when I slept…
          It was a high speed chase this time around though, Haha, was pretty cool ! ๐Ÿ˜€

          And you are totally right about the interpretation, it’s better if we take these dreams positively ! ๐Ÿ˜‰

          Like

  3. katiemiafrederick says:

    When i was a little boy people use to tell me i was
    too emotional.. boys would call me queer ’cause
    i smiled too much.. but little did i understand
    the depth of gift all that emotion was..
    as emotion is the fuel of heARt
    and Art is the wood of HeARt
    that moves human..
    glues memories..
    and makes
    the human
    heARt..
    SpiRit
    and SoUL
    REAL and not
    just words in any
    book.. words etched
    as heArt of emoTioNaL
    SpiRit Free.. and as a human
    being who lost all their heARt..
    SpiRit and mind and body
    balance oF SoUl.. this is
    real hell and no
    fairy tale of
    fire
    and brimstone
    iN after life world..
    this is the common
    experience of hell
    that humans
    who
    lose there
    emotions have
    experienced as hell
    and even other animals
    too.. who are
    emotionally
    abused..
    mostly by
    humans
    now..
    Social Animals.. including
    humans must move.. connect
    and create.. to keep the fire
    of Art in heARt.. when
    we become
    rulers
    of 12 inches
    in measuring
    instead of living
    we no longer
    rule
    with
    human
    heARt
    SpiRit
    and SoUL..
    anyway.. when i first
    lost my heARt.. and could
    no longer feel the warmth of
    what humans normally experience
    in oxytocin bonding ways.. with
    my cat.. it was beyond
    horrifying as i had
    no idea
    up to that
    point that
    feeling of all
    natural comfort
    could go away..
    all for me taken away
    by constant analytical
    stress of a human made
    by culture.. school.. and
    work into a robot
    overheating
    computer
    instead
    of feeling
    being.. free..
    i could sense when
    my cat curled up on the
    bed that he could feel
    comfort in his place
    in the Universe..
    as culture
    had not taken
    that away from him..
    and he had more gift
    in the Universe then
    that was not possible
    for me to experience
    at all as the black
    hole Sun
    had
    become me..
    and yeah.. your poem
    reminds me of laying in bed
    screaming at the top of my lungs
    to feel anything at all.. but it was all
    gone.. gone.. gone.. and there were
    no instructions to bring it back.. back
    back.. like falling into an
    endless pit..
    is it any wonder
    that is how sacred
    texts describe
    hell..
    no it’s not..
    ’cause it’s real
    and without emotions..
    cognitive functions like
    controlling thoughts with
    free will.. go away too..
    along with memories
    as emotions do glue
    memories too..
    to be saved..
    is to
    be saved
    from hell like this..
    or perhaps to be
    helped not
    to go
    in the first
    place.. my friend..
    Anyway.. ‘this’ is a good place
    for folks who do fall into this
    pitt of hell.. not sure if this
    is a first person poem or
    third person
    poem..
    but never
    the less the hell
    is real.. and the good
    place to be is to feed
    the human heARt
    with ARt..
    as much as
    possible.. in moving..
    connecting and creating..
    ’cause it is a muscle that
    will atrophy as Love if not
    nourished and exercised
    by aLL human arts oF heARt now..
    And you know and feel what’s really
    sad.. as far as i know and feel.. school..
    and work teaches none of this.. church
    and home should but i’ve been to both these..
    places where there iS no lesSon oF heARt at aLL..
    anyway a very inspiring poem.. friend Zee.. Thanks..:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      This was so beautifully explained, everything about human condition, heart and soul. I’m sorry you got bullied in younger years but I’m sure you are the one who is smiling and successful one now. There was lot of wisdom in your thoughts. “and the good place to be is to feed the human heart with art.” how wonderful and so incredibly true. Art is a necessity to let out the bottled up thoughts and feelings out !
      Thank you so much for reading and taking time to share your valuable thoughts with me! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • katiemiafrederick says:

        You are welcome.. my friend Zee.. Thanks for your kind and appreciative words for what my spirit shared with you in response to your inspirational words.. And yes it is true that my success is the smile won from the bullies of life and true too.. No matter what happens to me in flesh that smile will live on as Cheshire Cat iN the eYes of others it has touched in the dance of liFe and shell of Nautilus i leave behind my friend as all we truly take with us is the Love we give forevernow.. My friend.. Zee.. Sleep peacefully.. i do and WiLL.. Fully feeling i Lived and Loved.. Live and Love..:)

        Liked by 1 person

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