Human Nature

Good Day

For me any day spent watching the sun go down is a good day.

For me any day spent watching the sun go down is a good day.

It’s very easy to like people, to love them. ‘Love’ not just the relationship and romantic kind of love: love in so many colors, in so many layers, in so many different ways- in a broader , wider, vaster perspective. I never understand why we label love as something to do with attraction and personal attachment. I think it’s very easy to fall in love with the way someone’s smile lights up the room, to fall in love with the way they listen to you and understand, to fall in love with the way they are kind, humble and compassionate. And all of this without the typical standards in which we label ‘love’ or Maybe that’s just me.

That is not what I want to write about today though, about how easy it is to fall in love for people. But how easy it is to fall out of love for them. And again “Love” not in it’s typical sense. We get to know people , we start to like them, we make a certain image of them in our minds that they are like this, they aren’t like that etc. So basically we hold them to certain standards. Which is a part of human nature and completely understandable. We can’t help but expect them to behave a certain way, the way we think they are supposed to act all the time. But then one day, we see a completely different side of them. A side we had not seen before, a side which is usually dark, twisted and a destructive blow to the standards we hold them to. And we think this is not the person we thought we knew. This person has changed or this person is completely different from what we perceived earlier.

So just like that, in one moment, we start to think differently of them. Which up until now is not in our complete control. Our human nature which is flawed and defective plays a role in changing our perspective of a certain person. But it’s alright. It happens.

What we do after, however, is definitely in our control. At most if not at all. I’m in the process of learning and understanding human condition takes a lifetime, but I’m sharing what I’ve learned so far. I’ve seen from experience that what usually happens is that we run the other way, we essentially fall out of love of the traits of a person we initially loved. As our perspective of the person shatters, as the standards we held them to; they fail to meet, we just leave them to be and look the other way, thinking this person was not who I thought he/she was. And just like that we turn our backs. Isn’t that what usually happens? I think in most cases it does. More often than not.

One slip of a moment is enough to let us fall out of love for a person. We see the dark side, we see their demons, we see them lash out, we see them flare in anger and…poof.

At this point, is where we can change. The point which is mostly in our control. We should hate only that one trait of them rather than the whole person. Let me correct myself, Hate is a rather strong word. We start seeing them in a different light. We see a side we had not seen before and we define them by it. We define them by a moment they slipped up.

We have to realize that we should to let a moment define others, we should not let a moment define ourselves. A moment is just that; A moment. And that’s it. We all have our demons, we all have our worse nights, we all have our worse days, we all have a dark side.

What would it make us as a person if we ran the other way when we caught a glimpse of their dark side? Who doesn’t have their worst days? Who doesn’t struggle with keeping a straight head? Who doesn’t lose once a while to their demons?! You do, I do, We do, All of us do. Each and every one of us is struggling one way or another.

What I’m trying to say here is, rather than falling out of love for them, we should probably love them a little more. We should love them enough to defeat their demons. We should love them more so they know that they are allowed to lose it once a while and still not be judged by it. That breaking down is fine. That it’s very human to do so.

We are so perfectly imperfect, flawed, glitched, crooked, fallacious, awry, confused and so much more. Much much more than those few words and that is what makes us humans at the end of the day. Nobody is perfect, we say and hear that a lot. But I think very few of us truly believe in it. Very few of us truly understand it And very few of us are willing to hold people to the imperfections in their nature.

Loving people when they least expect you to do so can do miracles. To love people- when they can’t love themselves, when they run out of love for themselves, when the dark side takes over, when there demons have their hold- is the best thing you can do to another person as a fellow human being. And that is exactly where the perfection in the perfectly imperfect nature of humans lies.
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Note: Special thanks to my twinnie Maria for helping me 
realize all that.
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76 thoughts on “Human Nature

  1. Erika Kind says:

    It is wonderful how you say that we should love people even more who are acting in ways we don’t like. Because that is exactly what they need at that moment. Turning away doesn’t help. But showing love is healing and makes them dissolve those negative characteristics or behaviors. I don’t know how I could miss that post, Zee. Thank you for letting me know. As I said. You seem very wise to me for your age. Thank you so much! That felt good 💖💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Awwh Erika I’m so so glad that reading it made you feel good. ❤

      This was a realization of epic proportions for me. Because I know as a human I can be very condescending, If I expect people to give me a second chance , to love me and forgive me I should first do the same for them. Whether I get it in return or not. I know how one slip of a moment can change everything and leaves you with lots of regrets. So we can learn from them and try to move on for the best 🙂

      Thanks so much Erika for giving this a read, Lots of love to you ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. jessannseq says:

    I believe that people like to be in control.We cannot stand it when our perspective of them changes.But as you said a moment is fleeting.We shouldn’t be the ones judging them when we have fallen ourselves too.Love is pretty strong.I completely agree with you that we should love them more when they can’t love themselves.I like the way you think Zee. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Himali Shah says:

    Your post was so heart warming… Infact it is the ones we dare to bare our souls, show our dark sides, and who never leave our side despite our flaws, are the true “Loved” ones 🙂 ❤
    Hugs 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. litadoolan says:

    Beautiful wisdom in your work Zee. My pearls from this awesome post are

    We are so perfectly imperfect, flawed, glitched, crooked, fallacious, awry, confused and so much more.

    and..

    Loving people when they least expect you to do so can do miracles.

    Thank you for always sharing your wise and honest insights, they shine like diamonds! Precious post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Thank YOU Lita for always taking time to read what I’ve to say and leaving your lovely words behind with me. It’s a pleasure sharing this as long as friends like you are here to read it. Much appreciated Lita ❤

      Have a fabulous weekend ❤

      Like

  5. Akhiz says:

    nice post Zee, i was always left amazed after a persons other side was revealed to me of whom i had a completely different perception in my mind, i was left disappointed, sad even angry that how can i be so hasty in making a perfect image of them in my mind, but as i grew old i realized that you should not judge people of make your mind for them with high expectations in mind immediately cuz onone is perfect and everyone has flaws. Its human nature to expect everything to be good and perfect but we should always try to think from other persons perspectives too, in making judgement or drawing conclusions for a moment one should put oneself in other persons shoes.

    Hope you’r having a good day 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      That’s very well Said Akhiz, we should maybe try to put ourselves in other person shoes. I think for me the most important and vital realization of my life was to learn to not expect from people. For the sake of both sides. It’s better when you don’t expect. Just appreciate whatever comes your way,For me it helped with a lot of things 🙂

      Thank you so much for reading, your feedback on my post always helps me 🙂

      Have a fantastic week ahead ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Mabel Kwong says:

    Another emotionally brilliant post from you, Zee. I loved every word and sentence. “A moment is just that; A moment. And that’s it.” That is so true. One action doesn’t describe us as a person. At the end of the day, we are all made up of so much more – the different roles we play and the other things we do every single day. That was such a wonderful line, and I might quote that in a future post of mine 😉

    Love us such a strong emotion and it manifests itself in so many different forms. Love equates to sharing and caring to every being around us. It’s about being ready to help whenever we can 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Hi Mabel, You are so kind, Thank you so much for reading what I had to say and I’m glad you agreed too. It would be a pleasure if you ever decide to quote that line, I’m sure it will fit perfectly with your thoughts 🙂

      I liked how you defined love, it being about “Sharing & Caring”, to being able to help people wherever and whenever we can. Spreading love means spreading positivity and hope 🙂

      Hope you have a relaxing Sunday my dear friend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Green Embers says:

    Yup, very well written. Ever seen the movie Sabrina, with Harrison Ford? Often times we idealize people, and a character in the movie said it well — the man had no flaws and a man without flaws is an illusion. Love endures, love hopes, love is pure. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Haven’t seen the movie but I liked what you said. “Man without flaws is an illusion”. So very true 🙂
      The last line of your comment about love reminded me of this song “Power of love” by Gabrielle Aplin 🙂

      Have a fantastic Sunday Brad ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Albatz Travel Adventures says:

    Your post hit me just when I was pondering the same things. I have a couple that I love dearly, and for how they treated me during a black hole in my life I will always love them. However, at the moment they are in their own black holes. The male half has been living with us for several months and living with his unhappiness is making me very unhappy in my own home. However, I know it is possible for me to not like someone and still love them; I just have to make an effort to remember every thing good about them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Oh yes, I found out that it’s actually a thing “I love you but I don’t like you anymore”. It took me quiet a while to ponder upon it because I could not wrap my head around the line but eventually a friend shared something with me that made me realize that it’s possible.

      And maybe the person will eventually come out of his black hole like you came out of yours. Keep holding on. I’m sure it will work out for you ❤

      Thank you so much for reading this and I'm glad you were able to relate. Your comment is much appreciated. Have a fabulous Sunday 🙂

      Like

  9. The V-Pub says:

    A well thought out dissertation on relationships. I think that part of the problem is counter intuitive. We like the person so much that we try our hardest right from the beginning to impress each other with the hopes that everything will work out. Then, our imperfections surface, as they always do, and reveal a different persona than the one we presented. But, we should always remember that what attracted us to each other is still there. We need to love each other to bring that persona to the forefront once again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      That’s a great thought too Rob, We should remember the goodness in people when they seem to have lost their way. We have to understand that we all can make mistakes and we all can slip up. You are so right about the fact that sometimes we try so hard to impress each other that we can put up a side of us that isn’t really us or is an illusion to impress.
      I guess at the end of the day we have to learn to look beyond the facades and imperfections 🙂

      Hope your weekend is going great Rob ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  10. charlypriest says:

    I have to say that I´m the exception to the rule, once you fall in love with me you just can´t fall off love. I´m that charming. Now, on a serious note you are right there are different types of love, but there is one thing that is true, because I say so that is : If you truly love someone, you love them for who they are, with their defects and their virtues. That means that they will do things you didn´t expect that you don´t like in some cases but they will also give you things that you like. Instead of you forming some romanticise ideal of to what the other person should is or should be in your eyes, which is not just for that other person. You love them with the good and the bad. Period. And that little devil, is true love.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. stacilys says:

    Here here to this my friend. I believe that humans are fallen individuals. I think oftentimes it’s easy for us to put someone up on a pedestal. And then when they do something we don’t like, we’re crushed. Our idea of perfection has been shattered. I have learnt over time that we are all imperfect. We all have faults. We, as humans, are a fallen race. Our love in conditional. I don’t believe that ‘falling in love’ is what love is all about either. I think there are a lot of people now-a-day that ‘fall-in-love’ and think that’s love. They get married, start to disagree on things, the goosebumps and romance are gone and that’s it. Maybe that’s why we see so much divorce. Lack of commitment and choosing the well-being of the other.
    I had a friend from Bangladesh that got upset with another friend of mine from Bangladesh once. She was married by arranged marriage and it seemed like her and her husband had a normal, happy marriage. My other friend from Bangladesh was a man. He returned to Bangladesh to get married, and when he returned to Canada, he didn’t bring his wife. He said he didn’t love her. My other friend was really upset and told me, ‘You learn to love”. I totally agree with that. Love is something you grow into. A mutual respect for each other. Serving each other. Living for the other. Sacrifice and trying to do well for the other. I wrote a Valentine’s Day post last year about the four loves that the Greek have for our one English word ‘love’. If you would like to read it (you don’t have to if you don’t want to of course), you can do so here: https://stacilys.wordpress.com/2014/02/14/love/
    It tells of those words for ‘love’.
    Great post Zee.
    Have a wonderful and fun weekend.
    Love and hugs – 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Oh that is so so true. “Love” is not just goosebumps and romance, it is so much more, it’s commitment, understanding and to be there for each other, to catch each other when one falls. And so so much more, it doesn’t just end there. As you said, marriage is hard work. And it is definitely fulfilling at the end of the day, worth all the work 🙂

      “You learn to love”, couldn’t agree more. you eventually do, With time. As you get to know the person, as you their quirks and hidden smiles, their perfect imperfections, what makes them who they are. I think if you give it enough time, it’s very easy to fall in love with anyone. When you start to understand them, get to know more about them.

      I will definitely check out your post soon Staci, it would be a pleasure to read about your perspective ! Thank you so so much for reading my post and leaving me with such a wonderful comment of yours filled with wisdom and poise ❤

      Have a splendid weekend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. trentpmcd says:

    “rather than falling out of love for them, we should probably love them a little more.” – Exactly! We are all humans, none of us are gods or goddesses. We have multiple sides, many facets. So many that none of us even remotely understands ourselves, let alone those around us. And how can I, in my imperfection, judge what some might see as an imperfection in you? But, of course, just as we are never truly perfect, in some ways we aren’t imperfect either, we just “are”. You have a dark side? It isn’t an imperfection, it isn’t a flaw, it is just another facet of who you are. We are all just humans, these amazing, multiple dimensional beings that are far from being perfect. And because of that, we all need to be there for each other, to hold out a hand when another of us falls. We need to reach out to wipe away that tear, even if we’re ten thousand miles away. It is our shared humanity.

    OK, I’ll admit it’s easier when we know the person, when we already, as you say, love many of their facets. We can then more readily notice the hurt and be willing to reach out that hand. We can more easily risk hurt to help. Because that love is there.

    Well written Zee, and a great message!

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Your comment in itself was a great message and something to ponder upon and hold on to Trent. I couldn’t agree more with what you said, It makes such perfect sense. Your words added great sentiment to what I was trying to say in my post, actually I think you conveyed it way better than I did. Thank you so much for taking time to write this beautiful note with so much wisdom. It’s such a pleasure to open my notification and find a comment by you here. As you said , sometimes we just gotta be. Just be. And sometimes that’s more than enough 🙂

      Hope your weekend is going smooth and well?! ❤

      Like

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