It’s very easy to like people, to love them. ‘Love’ not just the relationship and romantic kind of love: love in so many colors, in so many layers, in so many different ways- in a broader , wider, vaster perspective. I never understand why we label love as something to do with attraction and personal attachment. I think it’s very easy to fall in love with the way someone’s smile lights up the room, to fall in love with the way they listen to you and understand, to fall in love with the way they are kind, humble and compassionate. And all of this without the typical standards in which we label ‘love’ or Maybe that’s just me.
That is not what I want to write about today though, about how easy it is to fall in love for people. But how easy it is to fall out of love for them. And again “Love” not in it’s typical sense. We get to know people , we start to like them, we make a certain image of them in our minds that they are like this, they aren’t like that etc. So basically we hold them to certain standards. Which is a part of human nature and completely understandable. We can’t help but expect them to behave a certain way, the way we think they are supposed to act all the time. But then one day, we see a completely different side of them. A side we had not seen before, a side which is usually dark, twisted and a destructive blow to the standards we hold them to. And we think this is not the person we thought we knew. This person has changed or this person is completely different from what we perceived earlier.
So just like that, in one moment, we start to think differently of them. Which up until now is not in our complete control. Our human nature which is flawed and defective plays a role in changing our perspective of a certain person. But it’s alright. It happens.
What we do after, however, is definitely in our control. At most if not at all. I’m in the process of learning and understanding human condition takes a lifetime, but I’m sharing what I’ve learned so far. I’ve seen from experience that what usually happens is that we run the other way, we essentially fall out of love of the traits of a person we initially loved. As our perspective of the person shatters, as the standards we held them to; they fail to meet, we just leave them to be and look the other way, thinking this person was not who I thought he/she was. And just like that we turn our backs. Isn’t that what usually happens? I think in most cases it does. More often than not.
One slip of a moment is enough to let us fall out of love for a person. We see the dark side, we see their demons, we see them lash out, we see them flare in anger and…poof.
At this point, is where we can change. The point which is mostly in our control. We should hate only that one trait of them rather than the whole person. Let me correct myself, Hate is a rather strong word. We start seeing them in a different light. We see a side we had not seen before and we define them by it. We define them by a moment they slipped up.
We have to realize that we should to let a moment define others, we should not let a moment define ourselves. A moment is just that; A moment. And that’s it. We all have our demons, we all have our worse nights, we all have our worse days, we all have a dark side.
What would it make us as a person if we ran the other way when we caught a glimpse of their dark side? Who doesn’t have their worst days? Who doesn’t struggle with keeping a straight head? Who doesn’t lose once a while to their demons?! You do, I do, We do, All of us do. Each and every one of us is struggling one way or another.
What I’m trying to say here is, rather than falling out of love for them, we should probably love them a little more. We should love them enough to defeat their demons. We should love them more so they know that they are allowed to lose it once a while and still not be judged by it. That breaking down is fine. That it’s very human to do so.
We are so perfectly imperfect, flawed, glitched, crooked, fallacious, awry, confused and so much more. Much much more than those few words and that is what makes us humans at the end of the day. Nobody is perfect, we say and hear that a lot. But I think very few of us truly believe in it. Very few of us truly understand it And very few of us are willing to hold people to the imperfections in their nature.
Loving people when they least expect you to do so can do miracles. To love people- when they can’t love themselves, when they run out of love for themselves, when the dark side takes over, when there demons have their hold- is the best thing you can do to another person as a fellow human being. And that is exactly where the perfection in the perfectly imperfect nature of humans lies.
Note: Special thanks to my twinnie Maria for helping me realize all that.