A Dark Night

I remember clutching my chest, trying to rip that heart out which was causing so much pain. Or maybe I was clutching my chest to stop it all from pouring out. For it to not spill out of my chest because if it did who would have picked up the broken pieces of my heart. So there i was clutching my chest hoping that the pain, emotional pain would stop. I learned that this emotional pain is not just something that’s described in the books, as a work of art or as an master piece , its as real as breathing, its as real as death. Its not just fiction or something you hear about. It was right there, hurting me so much.

Clutching my chest as tears escaped my eyes. Slouched, curled up. As if that would make it stop. Or at least make it hurt less.

Damn me for hoping though, the pain was there almost every day. The same repetitive routine. I was tired. Emotionally and physically drained. Trying to mend my heart which felt so dirt stricken. It felt so clogged. I could feel and see the dark patches on it. The darkness slowly taking over it. Waiting to swallow it whole. A dark hole. Sucking every piece of it inside. I knew soon I would be left with a dark hole in place of a heart…I had almost completely lost myself somewhere. I tried but i was nowhere to be found…searching searching…..searching…

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49 thoughts on “A Dark Night

  1. Saya says:

    Very touching Zee…every pain teaches us something new…that is what makes people tough…I can identify with this post…and I know such pain has taught me acceptance, adjustment and boundaries which I never would have thought crossing otherwise…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ripplesnreflectiontimes says:

    I can identify with every word…. and I am sure most of us at some point in life, goes through the heartrending and heart wrenching pain you have so evocatively described. But you are too young …. here’s a bear hug to ease it…. Take care. one day believe me it WILL ease… till then , hang in there…. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Swoosieque says:

    And then, even after you think that darkness is gone, sometimes it can sneak up on you, in a quiet moment, in the shower and you may fall to your knees in gut wrenching wails. The tears flow but you pull yourself up, a little bit stronger each time.
    Yes, what the poets and writers wrote about is as real as a breathing being. Sending you warm wishes and big hugs! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Oooh so true Swoosie, That is exactly how it is. You never know when it’s gonna hit you, at any moment and you find yourself feeling all teary and just cry for no particular reason whatsoever. Thank you for the warm wishes *hugs you right back* ❀

      Like

  4. jojogjoy says:

    Zee sorry but I didn’t read your post, I actually devoured every word, felt every letter, and drown in every thought you have delivered through your brief description of what you’re going through, and am sure that is not even close to what you exactly feel. I know that because I’ve been there, or still a bit around there from time to time, I used to cry myself to sleep not because I feel like crying but trying to chuck out this immense pain out of my whole system, it was awfull! and I could only heal that by surrounding myself with people who loved me, reading books and watching movies and videos which only aimed and helped people to move on, it helped a lot, I still feel something is missing but I believe time heals, I have to believe that, in order to survive I need to get all my hopes together that tomorrow is a better day, moving on is never easy it needs work from you and your beloved ones, but it’s never impossible my dear πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Hi Jojo, I loved your comment. Thank you so so much for being understanding and helping me out by sharing your own experience. You made me realize that I’m not alone in this. There are so many people who got through this all and more so came out of it triumphant,maybe not completely but at least getting better. Can’t thank you enough for your being so kind. You have no idea how much I appreciate it ❀ ❀

      Like

  5. hugsxheart says:

    Don’t you just hate when you’re at that dark place and start to embrace it and let it take away hope and give sadness and pain? I have experienced depression and it’s not a good feeling but there will come one point where you start to see the light and it’s about chasing that light. Really awesome post Zee ❀ We are here for you! /Nad

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Tony Single says:

    Zee, I’m glad I found your little corner of the internet. I know I’ve said that before but it bears repeating. You get what pain does to a person because it’s happening to you in a real and horribly intimate way. Unfortunately, living can be pain, and we’ll all of us go through that at some point or another. Hopefully our own pain will help us to be more empathetic towards others and their pain. Hugs for you, beautiful lady. You will not fall to this. You’re stronger than you feel. Believe me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Hey Tony, Your comments always make me feel special and put a huge smile on my face because I know somewhere someone knows what I’m writing and knows how it feels and is super understanding. Thank you so much for your constant support. I’m so glad to have found an awesome blogging friend as you, I mean it ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  7. sweetykannoth says:

    Whoever knew that even a brief moment of pain and grief ,could be so beautifully expressed in words…I am not sure if this was for real or a response to the prompt alone…but if it was for I wish you a speedy recovery !! Otherwise brilliant writing girl πŸ™‚
    hugs
    ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Hi there Sweety, Thank you so much for the sweet wishes. I don’t think I can ever write fiction like this, Everything I write is connected or somehow related to my own experiences. Thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts with me. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Mabel Kwong says:

    A very moving piece of text, Zee. I really like how you broke down this “small” moment of an aching heart. It’s not easy to sit down, reflect and honestly describe how you feel – especially when the feeling’s bad. A dark hole in place of a heart? That sounds very sad, like you have to leave something behind. But I suppose that’s how some of us move on. Always cheering you on, Zee. Take care πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Hey Mabel, Thank you so much for such a thoughtful comment and cheering me on. Always appreciate your full of enthusiasm comments that make me feel so much better so can’t thank you enough for that πŸ™‚ ❀

      Like

  9. trentpmcd says:

    A very well written description of emotional pain. Unfortunately to live means to know pain. You will find yourself and the hole will heal leaving a scar to remind you of your loss, but also making the tissue whole and more durable.

    Liked by 1 person

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