I don’t know why I was reminded of her today. Her beautiful face I’d barely seen twice in those 6 months. That day when I held her in my arms for the first time. So fragile, so small, so tiny. In my warm embrace, I was so afraid that she will fall from my arms. I think it was the first time I held a child like that in my arms. My own blood.
I regret it every single day, I regret that I didn’t get to see her many times, that I didn’t get to hold her, play with her, dress her. Missed her laughs, her cry. If I had known that we would lose her after just six months I would have never let her go. I would have never let the family troubles get between us. Only if I had known…
The day when we came to know that she was born, my parents asked my younger brother and I to go visit them despite of everything. So we did. I remember waiting outside in the reception then going up the stairs and then seeing her for the first time. My brother’s daughter. I was an aunt at last. I had a niece, wow ! The first time they put her in my arms. I was in awe of her tininess, her round face and big nose. Just like her dad and mother. Sleeping peacefully. On my way back I thought to myself I have a whole life with her. Differences will work out. We’ll be fine eventually…For the next six months I got to see her only twice, once when she was born and the other time when she came to visit us at our home. Even that for a little while. And that’s it.
I clearly remember the day when I got the news. The day my dad came to pick me up from University out of the blue (Rest In Peace: Part 1) (Peace Of The Present Moment (Rest In peace: Part 2). The moment I read the text in my mobile phone as I sat in the car. All the way back as I watched the sunset I couldn’t comprehend.
I was supposed to be her favorite one and only Aunt. I was supposed to spoil her, teach her crazy stuff. I was supposed to have more time with her. A whole life time worth. I’m not a kids person, I admit that publicly but blood is an attraction that melts that iciest of hearts. I wish she was here. Sometimes I think maybe its a good thing I didn’t get to spend that much time with her because the closest I would have gotten more hurt I would have been. Maybe just maybe it was for good. But a part of me always wishes to have spent more time with her. If only…I had known I had only 6 months…if Only.
Oh I miss you so so much…
In response to Daily Prompt