When did I become so dark? When did I become the thing I so deeply despised?
This crying, whining piece of meat who doens’t feel happy. This person, I hate it.
When did this happen? I didn’t even notice the change until the transition was complete and there was no way back. How did this happen? Well I probably know how or why but when.
How did I get trapped in this confusing land? This land of ragged rocks and dark holes. High dunes which I can’t climb. Deep dark murky waters in which I can’t swim. The fear of dark holes sucking me in any moment. The fear of the unknown. The fear of not finding my my way ever. It feels like I’ve been traveling there for ages. Just end less tiring walking….sometimes dragging my feet, crawling on all fours because I can barely walk. Sometimes running, so fast I can’t even see what’s going on around me, everything passing by in a blur. Some nights spent hiding in a cave of memories. Almost every night actually. This cave is so dark and scary but it keeps me safe too. I don’t have any other choice but to stay in there. I either have to re-live the memories in that cave or die outside in the cold air, chilling me to my bones, grazing my cheeks, sucking the warmth out of my body. So I have to take help of Sadness. This warm sadness that takes over me. I nestle in its warm embrace, covered in its blanket. At least its calm in here, peaceful. Unlike outside where I have to fight, struggle for survival every day. This fight draining me, every inch of my body hurts.
Especially the heart.
Oh heart! what do I do with you?
You nonsense piece of meat
If only I could rip you out of there
And keep you safe in a box,
Buried in the ground
So no one would access it.
So I wouldn’t feel anymore.
Oh heart I hate you so so much.
You! You are the root of my every problem.
You! You make me feel things I should not feel
You! You will be the cause of my death.
You heart you !
Yes yes you !
Oh brain don’t act so innocent now.
I know you are equally responsible for my pain.
You make me overthink.
You make me think things I should not think.
You make me see things I should not see.
You have those memories that would not leave me alone.
Yes brain, Yes , You !
Seems like every part of my body is conspiring against me to defeat me.
Well good news body, I’m already defeated.
Go leave me alone now.
Leave my soul.
Let it free.
Let it fly.
I can imagine my soul leaving this land, Slowly raising..above my body..hovering for a little while. Bidding it farewell. Last goodbye. After all she was an occupant in this piece of meat for such a long time. There was obviously an un-denying connection.Body still longing for it to come back.
Body cries…Please don’t go.
Soul says but I have to dear.
You are temporary while I’m not.
Our time together has come to an end.
I’m sorry but I have to go.
As the body looks over, the soul flies away. High, high , so high….until it is nowhere to be seen by the body. Soul disappearing into the sky..Becoming one with the clouds. Dissolving into it’s mistiness.
“Ohhhh I’m free !” The soul cries with joy. She dances above the fluffy clouds, she flies past the hovering birds. Moon seems so close from up there. Soul can almost touch it.
Solace she always craved for, She has found. Away from this world.
AT LAST SHE IS HAPPY.
In response to Daily Prompt