A Story Of A Lifetime

When did I become so dark? When did I become the thing I so deeply despised?
This crying, whining piece of meat who doens’t feel happy. This person, I hate it.

When did this happen? I didn’t even notice the change until the transition was complete and there was no way back. How did this happen? Well I probably know how or why but when.

How did I get trapped in this confusing land? This land of ragged rocks and dark holes. High dunes which I can’t climb. Deep dark murky waters in which I can’t swim. The fear of dark holes sucking me in any moment. The fear of the unknown. The fear of not finding my my way ever. It feels like I’ve been traveling there for ages. Just end less tiring walking….sometimes dragging my feet, crawling on all fours because I can barely walk. Sometimes running, so fast I can’t even see what’s going on around me, everything passing by in a blur. Some nights spent hiding in a cave of memories. Almost every night actually. This cave is so dark and scary but it keeps me safe too. I don’t have any other choice but to stay in there. I either have to re-live the memories in that cave or die outside in the cold air, chilling me to my bones, grazing my cheeks, sucking the warmth out of my body. So I have to take help of Sadness. This warm sadness that takes over me. I nestle in its warm embrace, covered in its blanket. At least its calm in here, peaceful. Unlike outside where I have to fight, struggle for survival every day. This fight draining me, every inch of my body hurts.
Especially the heart.

Oh heart! what do I do with you?
You nonsense piece of meat
If only I could rip you out of there
And keep you safe in a box,
Buried in the ground
Deep.
So no one would access it.
So I wouldn’t feel anymore.
Oh heart I hate you so so much.

You! You are the root of my every problem.
You! You make me feel things I should not feel
You! You will be the cause of my death.
You heart you !
Yes yes you !

Oh brain don’t act so innocent now.
I know you are equally responsible for my pain.
You make me overthink.
You make me think things I should not think.
You make me see things I should not see.
You have those memories that would not leave me alone.
Yes brain, Yes , You !

Seems like every part of my body is conspiring against me to defeat me.
Well good news body, I’m already defeated.
Go leave me alone now.

Leave my soul.
Let it free.
Let it fly.

I can imagine my soul leaving this land, Slowly raising..above my body..hovering for a little while. Bidding it farewell. Last goodbye. After all she was an occupant in this piece of meat for such a long time. There was obviously an un-denying connection.Body still longing for it to come back.

Body cries…Please don’t go.
Soul says but I have to dear.
You are temporary while I’m not.
Our time together has come to an end.
I’m sorry but I have to go.

As the body looks over, the soul flies away. High, high , so high….until it is nowhere to be seen by the body. Soul disappearing into the sky..Becoming one with the clouds. Dissolving into it’s mistiness.

“Ohhhh I’m free !” The soul cries with joy. She dances above the fluffy clouds, she flies past the hovering birds. Moon seems so close from up there. Soul can almost touch it.

Solace she always craved for, She has found. Away from this world.

AT LAST SHE IS HAPPY.

In response to Daily Prompt
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66 thoughts on “A Story Of A Lifetime

  1. charlypriest says:

    How come I missed this post…….beautiful poem Zee.
    And how come I missed you feeling like that, not good, yet you are a psycho but you do have a little heart that suffers. Just like every other person, and guess what? I found out just recently at age 32(that´s a joke) that people if they did deep down and confront their fears they do tend to pull themselves together, climb out of dark holes, and just keep on going with the reality that you are faced with. No other way, the only other way is to hunker down and cry like a baby and that is no way of living.
    Did I say I love ya?…….o.k, I do a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ivyon says:

    I hope you are finding your peace of mind ❤

    Body works together with mind and soul to be "us". Body is our servant, we should treasure it, it is not separated from the soul. In fact, it is a guardian of the soul and mind. Millions and millions of cells just for us, working for us, non-stop for us. Loving us, if that isn't love I don't know what is… Taking every punch and regenerating again. Body is not a prison, it is a ❤

    Mind is not a prison, it is a room we choose to be in, even though there is a green meadow outside the room, we don't know it. We stay in the room. Even though the walls are made from paper we don't know, we haven't touch them, they seem real to us.

    I wrote this because I know all of this too well. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Aah I totally get what you are saying Ivy, It’s just that when I wrote this piece I was not feeling good and it just had to come out and I let it…But I get your point we have to cherish every bit of us. It’s connected and it needs to be kept in check.

      Thank you so much for this, you have no idea how much I appreciate it ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Hey Thank you so much for reading this and taking time to leave your kind thoughts with me too. Well yes you are right, this alone is not my story, But right now at this present moment that is what it seems to be. I’m working on it. Thanks again for the visit, I hope I get to see you again. With Love,
      Zee ❤

      Like

  3. Tony Single says:

    You nailed it, Zee. The heart really does feel like a nonsense piece of meat. I don’t know what to do with it most of the time, except maybe to feed it to the black dog. So glad I found your little nook of the internet!

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Awh Thank you Tony ❤ I guess heart is causing the same problems with everybody, There should be a universal place to burn the damn thing !
      By the way haven't seen any of your new posts, I'm new so I don't know if there is a schedule you follow or what? Would love to stalk you ! lol 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Tony Single says:

        I usually post every Monday, but haven’t for the last month because I needed a bit of a break. The last strip kinda took it out of me (speaking of heart), so I thought I’d be kind to myself and regroup before getting back into it. You’ll be seeing new material in the next three or four weeks. And you can stalk me any time. I like stalkers! Ha ha ha! 😛

        (By the way, would it be alright if I added you to my Links page? I do dig your word shenanigans.) 🙂

        Like

        • lifeconfusions says:

          Oooh I get it, Everybody needs and deserves a break once in a while. The last piece you wrote was indeed very touching and deep Tony, Hope you are feeling much better now and will be back with your awesomeness ! ^_^

          Great then you like stalker and I like stalking, we gonna be a perfect team ! lol

          And it’s perfectly fine for you add me, actually it would be my honor that you find me worthy enough to read ! I’m flattered. ! ❤

          Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Awwh Thanks Angel, I got your pawkisses and now I feel much better, I’ll look out for a cuddle too ^_^ lol

      Thank you for reading my musings, I just need to get it out sometimes. Oh and you may call me Zee 🙂

      With Love,
      You know who ❤ 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lala Rukh says:

    Oh God ! Can someone describe sadness and misery and hate better than you ? I guess not. That’s the beauty of you. The way you have ended the piece, and your poem specially is excellent… I don’t have appropriate words to describe how much I like your post ( I always love painful posts, I don’t know why) but I should tell you, I was the best so far !

    Liked by 1 person

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Oh Gosh, The amount of love and appreciation is over whelming ! Thank you so much Lala. I’m running out of words to thank everyone here. I can’t believe it ! I don’t know what to say but to repeatedly thank you for such immense kindness, You melted my heart ❤

      Like

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