A Damsel In Distress?

“Until you let someone in, You’ll always be alone”

I read this line as I was scrolling down my news-feed on Facebook. And it made me realize a huge part of what I’ve been going through for the past few months. I’ve never felt alone in my life before until the past few months. Even though I have always been alone, in a way that I had no sister, my brothers were too old, my both parents had a job So I’ve been used to spending time alone and I never minded that. I never remember being bored, I was happy spending time alone. To be honest I found people who ranted “Oh I feel alone” Β a little too annoying. I never understood the concept of it. But for the first time in my life when I felt alone, I couldn’t comprehend how could it be?

Me? I’m not suppose to feel that way? I was very naive of that feeling. Now that I think about it I felt that way because I was really in a bad place and I needed someone. I’ve never felt the NEED to need someone before, Do you get it? For the first time in my life I actually needed someone….but no one was there. Either it was lack of my inability to express or it was other people, I felt alone nevertheless. I had to deal with all of that pain and depression alone. Believe me when I tell you HOW BADLY I needed someone to give me a shoulder, tell me not to cry, to tell me that everything’s going to be alright or to just sit with me when I cried bucket of tears holding me in their embrace. The only person I found who was there for me…was ME.

After all that depression, I felt bare and sensitive so I needed someone but nobody was there so it pushed me farther into the deep pit of loneliness.I felt disappointed with people. All of them whom I called friends were just not…there. They didn’t give a shit.

I had to save myself, I was done feeling sorry for myself, I was done being a damsel in distress so I dealt with it the only way I could, The only way I found would work. I distanced myself away from people. Because nothing good comes out of expectations. I expected and I was let down. So NO MORE!

This is my motto now a days. I have successfully distanced myself away from people…at least emotionally. I have literally shut myself off sensitivity wise. Don’t worry it’s not in a creepy, boxed-myself-in-a-corner-of-my-room-and-started-wearing-black-and-heavy makeup-listening-to-shitty-music kind of way !

I just try not to feel anymore. The lesser I connect emotionally with people the lesser chance of getting hurt by them.

So coming to the reading that line about letting someone in, I agree with it. I do. Wholeheartedly. But I haven’t found someone worth letting in, That is the problem. Every time I try, I get knocked down with a punch of disappointment. So until I find that someone, Here’s to being alone !

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53 thoughts on “A Damsel In Distress?

  1. Arindam Saha says:

    πŸ™‚ I get you… Zee (Uff… your name… grr)…

    It is really awkward thing really… Sometimes you really want someone to be with you to understand you… To understand the things that you don’t speak aloud… the things that you really want to say… Upon that you ‘expect’ some particular people to understand you… when they don’t… that’s precisely when you feel alone…

    And in that moment, you feel so unhappy, frustrated and alone that after you recover, you never want to experience the loneliness again… And hence it it is natural to become ‘insensitive’… I totally understand your position…

    But pataa hai… To be sensitive is required… To expect is natural… The key is to stay detached… And that is VERY DIFFICULT…

    *And yes that came from a single child from a nuclear family… who is currently in a hostel πŸ™‚

    ——————————–

    And as I was writing this I felt guilty somewhere… I probably know of your depression phase… You shared some bit of it here… And I think I did not do enough to make you feel better… Sorry for that… Very very sorry… Won’t happen again… promise πŸ™‚

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    • lifeconfusions says:

      O.M.G Arindam, why are you sorry? Take that back !!
      You made me feel like being understood and that is all I want…to be understood.After reading your comment I felt like you were the one who got exactly what I was taking about in the post and that is all I ask for.
      You DID made me feel better and that is all I need. Nobody could have done anything better than that for me πŸ™‚

      Everything that I said is just a part of me , that I’m trying to deal with it, It gets really hard on some days so I’m just glad being understood and I can’t be more thankful to you for that !
      Thank you so so so very much !!! ❀ ❀

      Like

      • Arindam Saha says:

        I am not taking the sorry back… :/

        ” Nobody could have done anything better than that for me “… Now that is an exaggeration…

        Aye ladki sun! πŸ˜› Agli baar se koi bhi problem ho… share karna… Ye ‘thank you’ se kuchh ni hota… Aur agli baar bina mujhse poochhe depression mein gayi na to mujhse bura koi ni hoga… Samjhi! πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰

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  2. DarkOne says:

    that last part should read I have to agree though that people suck and can’t be trusted most of the time and it generally takes me time to trust someone. LOL this laptop is having issues..

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  3. DarkOne says:

    I can relate to this in a few ways. I am not alone but I feel alone. My head is / has been in such a screwed up place that I closed myself in and stopped talking about things with my wife even. I pretty much figure I hit rock bottom because I can’t imagine feeling even worse than I have been. I am still stuck but I am trying to fight my way out. I have to agree though that suck and can’t be trust time trust a person.

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    • lifeconfusions says:

      Lol, Thanks that you explained because I just spent good 2 minutes trying to figure out what the last line said but then I looked up to your this comment and vola !

      I don’t know you personally but I think if you have a good relationship with your wife…I mean understanding wise then you are quiet lucky to have that someone. Try to communicate with her because it helps in figuring out some stuff in your head. I just don’t have that someone where I feel comfortable enough to open up..

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  4. rommel says:

    That’s actually not all a good thing. Leaving emotion and feelings out of this. What you experienced is natural. I pride myself to be really a go-getter, embrace life, living vicariously kind of guy. But just like everybody else, I have my moments. The cops have moments. The witch, Tarzan, the dog, the place mats had all their moments. You shouldn’t read too deep into that. I suggest you to just be. Stop telling yourself this and that’s what you gonna be or do, but just be. My .02.

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  5. vanessalovespostcards says:

    Oh my. We have all been there :/ But I can assure you, that when the time comes (and it will come I am very sure) you will be able to cherish it even more. until then – here come some virtuall hugs! β™₯β™₯β™₯

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  6. jessannseq says:

    I know how you feel Zee,I’ve been there too!You don’t need to push people away,but yeah you shouldn’t get too close.And one thing that always works is,never have any expectations!So in that way you will be overjoyed on getting something you didn’t expect but at the same time in case you don’t get it,you won’t be hurt πŸ™‚

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  7. El Guapo says:

    Well, as long as you’re not listening to shitty music. πŸ˜‰
    That’s a hard thing, who to let in and who to not. when you find the right people, it will just come naturally.
    Until then, you’ve always got us! πŸ˜€

    Like

  8. randomlyabstract says:

    The ‘need’ to need people! I can relate with that. The only realization that it won’t matter A BIT to them if they lose you kills, no?
    But running away from them gives no good. For a time, maybe. But we HAVE to live with them, for them, even if that means burning ourselves-
    *acha sorry mae khud ajeeb baat kr rhi hun* =p
    I like this title, Sheen! πŸ˜‰ And it is weird how people don’t give a shit, even those closest to you, but that is also the time when (usually) you learn quite many things about life.
    Lotsalove!

    Liked by 2 people

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Spot on Maria !
      Yes we have to live them but I’d rather stay away as long as I can. As long as its possible ! you are so right about learning things life, I learned a lot about myself too. I guess we are always evolving. And that title just popped into my head out of nowhere, Thanks ! ❀
      And nahe yar ajeeb baten kese? That's what makes us different,No? πŸ˜‰
      Love ya my twinny ! ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Gaurab says:

    I can totally connect with your post. Though it’s wrong to think that getting emotionally attached with someone can always turn bad but I feel I don’t have the energy and enthusiasm to invest. So, I talk to many people but I stay detach. πŸ™‚

    Like

    • lifeconfusions says:

      I agree with you that it doesn’t always turns bad but that has just been my experience so far. I hope for the best though πŸ™‚
      Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts Gaurab ! πŸ™‚

      Like

  10. Bhakti says:

    I know how that feels..,you badly want someone to just hug you tight and let you cry and then after sometime quietly wipe away the tears and tell us that they are with us always.
    And since we actually don’t have anyone around us,we just hug ourselves and cry then…
    Always gonna be there for u Zee πŸ™‚ ❀

    Like

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