A Dark Place

Hello my people !!!
I’m back just as I promised but not in the same state of mind, I’m sorry to say!

Mid-Term exams are finally over, To be honest they have been over for about three days now but I didn’t feel like writing or reading or doing anything for that matter, I can’t explain to you how much mental and to some extent physical strength I had to muster to write just this one post.

I’ve had a bad couple of weeks. A lot of changes happened in such a little amount of time that even I have a hard time comprehending how it all changed. My exams went “OKAY” (meaning: Not that good) but I’ll live. My very good friend had some serious health issues which shook me very badly. One of my most favorite actor Paul walker, who I grew up watching died suddenly and unexpectedly in a car crash, You might know him from his role in Fast and the furious film series. He was my very first (and will always be) celebrity crush honestly speaking. 2 Fast & 2 Furious was the very first English movie I ever watched. Me and my older brother used to watch this movie every weekend when I was 9 or 10 years old. I of course didn’t know him personally but he always occupied a part of my heart so I’m extremely sad and shocked over this tragedy.  This is the first time I’m truly  touched and affected by the death of celebrity. Here’s a video as a tribute to Paul.

And then there is a serious problem with my mental state. A.Very.Serious.Problem.

I’m seriously considering to stop blogging or maybe take a long break until I’m finally feeling like myself again. I’m fine physically but mentally I’m a mess. I’m broken into million pieces and I feel confused due to gazillion reasons. So overall I’m not feeling good. I’m not ready to talk about it on this forum YET. But maybe I’ll get there someday.

Also my studies are getting harder with each passing day, My Mid-term exams are just over but our Final exams date sheet is already up. So finals are after almost a month.

Thank you and welcome to my new awesome followers who found my random blog worthy enough to read. The same goes for my dear friends who are already a part of my word press community. I can’t say it enough, I love you all ! ❤

This song portrays my present state of mind, if not exactly, then at least quite well. Also the video of this song contains a great message so it is worth sharing.

Here are the lyrics to this song:
“Demons” by Imagine Dragons.

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

Curtain’s call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you’ve made

Don’t wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don’t wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it’s what you make
I say it’s up to fate
It’s woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can’t escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

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48 thoughts on “A Dark Place

  1. randomlyabstract says:

    Just as Yasir said, find your silver lining and hold on to it. 🙂 Becuzz let’s face it: hope ke ilawa we have nothing really. When we fall, when we fail, whatever disaster we go through, its US who have to cope up and make things alright. Only YOU can do it, and that you must. Why? That you’ll know in the coming days. There ARE brighter ends, ipromise.
    God promises that too. ‘beshak har mushkil ke bad asaani hae.’

    About Paul Walker I was never his fan until he died 😉 But I understand that you were, RIP Paul!
    Lifeconfusions, I want to see you smile. I don’t know you personally either, but idk, I just want you to be happy. Just be.
    Much love,
    Maria.

    Like

      • girlychristina says:

        Hey! You’re back! =) I’ve missed ya! How were your exams? I hope you did well! Any plans for New Year’s Eve?

        Like

        • lifeconfusions says:

          Awww, I’ve missed your dose of sweetness as well ❤
          Its already New Year here. I didn't have any plans though. just boring me. What about you? Party scene ON? 😀

          My exams went okay but now finals are starting from 27th, uuughh 😦

          Like

        • lifeconfusions says:

          Awww, I’ve missed your dose of sweetness as well ❤
          Its already New Year here. I didn't have any plans though. just boring me. What about you? Party scene ON? 😀

          My exams went okay but now finals are starting from 27th, uuughh 😦

          Like

  2. Yasir says:

    Hey, so I know I am a stranger and I shouldn’t really give you a lecture or anything about whatsoever you are going through. Yet in-spite of all this I will be me and give you a lecture anyways, I came to your blog today to get some good music (you have a very good taste) and instead I saw this post. I am almost 24 years old and I can easily say that out of those 24 years almost give or take 11 years were a living hell for me in those years GOD knows to what extremes I went to. Yet these 11 years have taught me a very valuable thing, a sentence “only you can do it”. This sentence has taken me far and long to places I never imagined and taken me out of the pits of darkness that had no bounds or bottoms, yet i came through I am living whatever your problem is no matter how big it is, remember and know that only you can rise above it…find your silver lining and hold on to it. I will pray for you mon cher 🙂
    etre en paix, mon ami…Au revoir !

    Like

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Hey Yasir, Its really nice to meet you here.
      Thank you so very much for the advice. I really liked the part “Only I Can Do It”. That is so very true, now that I think about it. I’ve tried to pick myself up and I hope I stay up and about. I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through some stuff but I’m glad to hear its over and I’m sure you came out as a better person at the end of it.

      Just so you know you have full rights to lecture me anytime. Also I hope you found some music worth listening to. I’m going to upload more soon. So I hope you stick around 🙂

      P.S do you write blog as well? Because I can’t find your blog link in the Gravatar.

      Like

  3. DarkOne says:

    I am not sure what you are going through and I can only guess in some way we are in the same boat. Things went bad for me here here as well and I have been out of work after failing my test back on Dec 6th. Its really thrown me into a bad place and I have no idea what is going to happen next. I hope you feel better soon and that you find what you need.

    Like

  4. Cat says:

    It’s been a while since you posted, but I do hope you’re doing okay. Sometimes we need the time to recharge our batteries, especially after a particularly stressful period. Hope you have a peaceful Christmas

    Like

  5. Gede Prama says:

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  6. tlohuis says:

    So sorry to hear you are feeling like this at this time. You know, I have a lot of dark days, I know you’ve read a lot of my blog, so I don’t need to go into all that, but I just want to let you know that it was in my darkest hours I started blogging just to get it out. Didn’t think anyone would read it, less give a shit, but what I found was something much different and it caught me by surprise. Blogging is very therapeutic for me because this is where all the people are that can truly understand what you’re going through because they are, too. We truly know what it’s like and this is a great place to get a lot of support, encouragement and inspiration. It’s really been a big part of my healing process. I’ve got a long way to go because of all the things that have happened to me over my lifetime, but when I’m having a bad day I can put it out here and there’s always someone, usually several, to pick me up and encourage me to keep going and to not give up. When I’m having a good day, I share that to inspire others because those that follow my blog on a regular basis and really kind of know me now, can see that I can be in a really dark place one moment and then some way, some how, I eventually pick myself back up and try again. It’s a vicious cycle because I live with chronic illnesses and pain and then there’s the mental health issues that arise because of the medical issues, but all these people here at wordpress that follow me and read my blog are a big part of my recovery. I think you should try to stick with it. There are people here like me who will always be here for you if you need to talk, rant and rave, vent or whatever. We listen and never judge and just try to give you the advice that we’ve learned along the way. Learning different coping skills that others use is very helpful. Just know I’m here and if you ever want to have a private chat just let me know and I’ll give you my email address. Hang in there my friend. I know you have a lot going on right now, but one thing I do know is you are a very strong person and you can get through this. If I can get through my shit then so can you. Thinking of you and wishing you nothing but the best on your journey. Happy Holidays to you and your family. I know it’s sometimes hard to enjoy the holidays when in such distress, trust me I know that one well. In fact, this is the first Christmas that I’m going to enjoy in a long time. The past several have not been good for me mentally. I did survive, though, to be here telling you about it. Hope you’re back soon and hope to hear from you soon.
    Peace and Hugs my friend,
    Wild Thang

    Like

    • lifeconfusions says:

      Hey Tee, Woowww, I’m left speecheless after such a heartfelt note from you. just so you know you were a huge part of inspiring me to pick myself up and write my new year post. Thanks Thanks Thanks. I can’t describe to you how much every word of yours meant to me.

      you are very right, now that I think about it. I do need to write, it can be a way of dealing with stuff for me. Specifically because I can’t talk about that stuff face to face or verbally with anybody. Thats not just me. But I CAN write for sure. Thanks a lot for your kind advice.I would love to talk to you, not only when I need you but otherwise as well. You are a great person. My E-mail is Lifeconfusions@gmail.com if you ever wanna contact.

      I hope you had great holidays and
      Christmas was awesome for you.

      Also I hope you are doing good health wise, mentally and physically both. Have a great happy new year, with good health and prosperity.

      lots of love from me. Thanks again. I’m grateful to have found a friend like you.

      Like

      • tlohuis says:

        Hi there, friend. So glad that you listened to what I had to say and that it meant that much to you. See, that’s just a sample of what “we” do here for each other. You can clearly see how many times I’ve felt like giving up, and that may never stop, but many people will inspire me to get my ass right back up and try again. If it weren’t for this blogging, I seriously don’t know where I would be today.
        I sure can’t wait to get over to your blog and read your new post. I’m sure it’s great. Glad to hear you sounding better, sounding more positive and upbeat. That is just wonderful. Just please DO NOT give up, ever. Have your bad day(s) and get yourself back up and try again because I know you can do this. We can do this together. We can walk this journey together, it’s sure better than walking it alone.
        Now if we’re going to be talking, can I refer to you as someone other than Lifeconfusions? My email address is tlohuis@yahoo.com any time. I don’t always check my email every day, but I do get to it, eventually and will respond.
        Christmas didn’t turn out quite the way I wanted it to because I’ve been so sick, but I got up and I tried. It wasn’t horrible, it just upset me because I felt so shitty and couldn’t enjoy it the way I had planned. I hope yours was better than mine.
        I’m going to start the new year with a new attitude and try to be more positive and work harder on myself, physically and mentally. There will be ups and downs, just part of the deal. Really sucks, but just the way it is and I know I’m not alone. There are so many wonderful people right here that keep me going. I’ve developed several really good friendships here and they are true friendships.
        Happy New Year to you, friend. I wish you the best year, EVER! I hope you are feeling much better and I really look forward to talking to you some more. I’m, also, very grateful to have found you as a friend. I think we can probably help each other out. Stay strong. You matter!:)
        Peace, love, and hugs,
        Wild Thang aka Tammy:)

        Like

  7. El Guapo says:

    Sorry you’re having a rough stretch. I know how that goes.

    Hope you take all teh time you need, and talk to people that can help you sort out your troubles. Or at least commiserate appropriately and buy you ice cream/beer/whatever it is that helps…

    Like

  8. Angela Death says:

    I can only speak for myself, but I want you to know that you have a completely safe place with me if you ever just want to talk. I completely understand that school must be very difficult for you right now. Exams are never fun and med school tends to get progressively harder as you go through each class. I would definitely miss your posts if you weren’t on here, but I also understand the need to take a break.

    Like

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