We made our way to my brother ‘M’ house, with me sitting in the back seat as the little rays of sunlight escaped the clouds and some of them fell on my face. It had such peace and calmness that for a moment I wanted to close my eyes and sleep. Maybe when I’ll wake up I’ll find out all of this was just a dream. A horrible dream. But sadly this wasn’t the case.
My 6 months 3 days old niece has in fact passed away and I’m going to attend her funeral.
As I mentioned before in part 1, it is quite hard for me to cry in front of somebody but as we approached the house, I started to feel a little teary. The closer we got, the greater was the urge to cry.
I entered the house and saw my sister-in-law sitting on the sofa. As soon as I saw her and she saw me, I just ran into her and cried. We cried in each other arms for sometime and then she led me to my little niece’s dead body.
That angelic face, as white as a pearl, those pink lips pursed together. Her eyes closed. It was like she was sleeping a peaceful sleep. I wanted to reach out and touch her but was afraid I may break her fragile body.
So I just stood there, looking at her and cried…
What else could I do after all? There was nothing I could do in my power to bring her back. To make her open her eyes again and give me one of her million dollar smiles that could easily melt a diamond.
I asked for my brother, in a voice that didn’t belong to me, it was just a hoarse whisper, Even I could barely hear myself…
My brother came and I just hugged him hard, burying my head into his chest and bursting into tears…..and cried, cried and cried in his arms…I don’t know for how long we held each other, with him patting my back and me wailing helplessly in his arms.
He led me to the bed where her little fragile body, wrapped in a black cloth, was lying and sat on a stool close to her. And I stood behind him, caressing his hair, rubbing his back, putting my head on his shoulder and crying. Telling him to have patience, When I myself have seemed to run out of it.
What else could I tell him?
How are you suppose to cope with a loss this big?
I couldn’t help but think if I was feeling so sad, feeling her absence, what about her parents?
How would they feel when they will lay at night to sleep and feel her absence between them?
When their house won’t ring with her laughter and chuckle anymore?
This fact made me cry much more. I wasn’t feeling my pain alone, It was of my brother’s and my sister-in-law’s as well.
I don’t know for how long I sat there, watching her body and eventually they took her lifeless body to bury.
I imagined my brother laying her own daughter to her grave, the pain he must’ve felt. How powerless he must’ve felt.
How can you bury someone you love 6 feet under the ground? Watch over as the soil covers their body and embraces their remains as her own? How do you just walk away after burying them? From where do you find the strength?
I don’t have any of the answers to that. I’m just as naive as anybody else out there.
On our way back from the funeral, I saw people engrossed with their lives. Children playing outside. Young boys goofing around, throwing punches at each other. Men on their way to earn bread or back. Women busy with shopping and gossiping.
How naive they all were. Here we are mourning a loss but they don’t know about it. They were all just happy and satisfied. Continuing with their lives. Without a clue about our loss.
And then I realized….It isn’t about what I should’ve done….I should’ve spent more time with my niece and my brother but that didn’t matter. It isn’t about what I should’ve done , anymore.
It’s about what I should do NOW.
Because NOW is the moment we live in, not BEFORE, not AFTER…It is NOW !
I have to stay strong for the sake of everybody else, including my own. If it’s about “Living in the moment” then I’m all up for that. Because THIS is the moment that matters.
Tell the people you love that, You Love Them. Don’t wait up because life is too short.
Don’t think they already know that and it doesn’t matter if I don’t say it loud, because IT DOES!
It does matter.
Every hour, every minute, every second matters.
Every word, every meaning, every sentence matters.
Everything you do in your life matters !
Spend time with people you love, tell them frequently you love them, because you can never know what will happen next. Believe me, you won’t like to live with the remorse of not spending enough time with your loved ones.
These games, this Internet, the T.v…All of this stuff which you think is important, ISN’T !
So, STOP for a minute, Take a deep breath.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Make a list of all the things which you think are important in you life and evaluate yourself.
Does these things really matter or are you just so in over your head that you are missing the big picture.
Life is too short to play games.
Take chances. Stay strong.
And most importantly don’t miss out on the “Peace Of The Present Moment“.
(You can find Rest In Peace: Part 1 here : https://lifeconfusions.wordpress.com/2013/10/02/rest-in-peace-part-1/ )