Rest In Peace: Part 1

I was sitting in my English Literature class when my ‘Head of the department’ came to call my name and asked me to bring my bag with me. All my friends gave me confused looks but I was just as confused as them. As I got out of the class HOD told me that my father has come to pick me up.

I saw my dad sitting in the lobby. As soon as i saw him i gave him a huge hug as he’d been away for a week, on a conference, out of the country. His eyes were blood-shot but I thought it to be due to jet lag, after all he had a long flight back home (but little did i know then). I asked him why did he come to my university specially to pick me up so early. He said Nothing really but JUST looked at me with those bloodshot eyes and a sad smile on his face.
And I KNEW…I just knew at that moment that something was wrong. I never before in my life had such feeling. But this time I felt it in my gut. Deep down i knew something was wrong.

As we made our way out of the university, I asked him again about why did he come. He avoided my inquiry and instead said “You won’t miss any of your classes, right? There wasn’t much studies going on?” (as it was my first day of uni and it’s usually a very slow day)
I assured him there wasn’t much i was missing and asked him again that why were we going early today. He again avoided my question and said my brother ‘S’ is coming with the car, we’ll go early today.
All these thoughts were going through my mind, was my mum okay ? Did something happen to her and my dad is not telling me about it? Did someone had an accident?
I was thinking about it when my brother ‘S’ came to pick us up and i sat in the car.

It was then, when i saw my mobile and saw my big brother ‘M’ text that his daughter ‘Y’ has passed away this morning, I understood why my dad was acting so weird. As i saw the text, read it again and again, I couldn’t believe my eyes, What i was reading. It must be a mistake. I must be seeing a dream, right?!

Because his daughter was just so young, only 6 months and 3 days old. She was right there. Healthy and cute and bubbly. How could it be? It was just 6 months ago when she was born and i held her for the very first time in my arms. Her tiny, doll-like body fitting perfectly into my embrace. She was right THERE in my arms.

She had a whole life ahead of her. I was supposed to be her favorite aunt. I was yet to spoil her with my love and making sure her every wish came true.

It was just a while ago when she came to our house with her dad and mom to visit her grandfather and grandmother for the very first time. And i remember her in a yellow frock with a cute smile, those huge brown eyes, that big nose just like her father. She slept right there in my arms. How can she be gone? Just like that?

I sat in the car thinking about it all. We had some family issues with my Big brother ‘M’ so we didn’t use to see each other a lot. Truth be told I saw my niece only 3 times in 6 months. We weren’t that much on talking terms. We weren’t completely cut off from each other though but there was something between us that kept us apart.

But all of it wasn’t suppose to matter as my niece wasn’t suppose to die so young. I was supposed to have many, many years to spend with her. She was supposed to watch ME grow old and die, not the other way around.

We made our way back to our house and i sat in the back seat, not paying any attention to my surroundings, staring outside but not really seeing anything. I was physically there but somewhere else in my mind.
As I listened to my dad make different calls and attend some, arranging everything, I thought to myself why was i feeling this way?

It’s not like I’ve not lost anyone before, my grandmother passed away when i was very little…i just remember bits and pieces about her. Then my grandfather passed away about two years ago, i wasn’t that close to him and i didn’t feel sorry for him either as he had passed away at the age of 89. He had lived his life to the fullest. He wasn’t dependent on anyone except the last few days before his death. He was healthy and alright despite of his old age. He had seen his grandkids grow old and play.

But my niece died before she even had a chance to live. And then i realized why i was feeling that way because no matter what differences we and my brother ‘M’ had in the past, his daughter was still our blood. My blood !
Blood has that attraction that nothing in the world can really break.

I wanted to cry but i have this weakness that i can’t really cry in front of anybody. (Sure my mom, dad and brothers have seen me cry at times, but very rarely). This is one of the reasons i come across as cold, hard and selfish to some people. Even my own family thinks that about me(except my dad). I can’t help but accept that I was a little worried that i wasn’t gonna cry there and everybody would think I’m a stone cold b***h who doesn’t give a damn.

We reached our house and I changed my clothes. Me, my brother ‘S’ and my dad made our way to my brother ‘M’ house.
My mom had already gone there, as soon as she got the news.

So, Just like that our lives had changed forever, Our blood had gone from amongst us and we were left to deal with the aftermath.

(I’ll write about the part 2 as soon as i get time. I’ve been really busy. This piece of writing is not specifically to get sympathies, It’s me writing about what I’m feeling as I can’t talk to anybody about what i feel. Thank you)

34 thoughts on “Rest In Peace: Part 1

  1. jessannseq says:

    I’m sorry for your loss.It is very difficult to lose one of your own.I know nothing I say can lessen the pain,other than she is in heaven now.She must be looking at you and smiling from there.


  2. andy1076 says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, especially one of someone so young with so much to look forward to. It’s always heartbreaking, I will always be here if you need someone to talk to.


  3. Angela Death says:

    I know you are not writing this to get sympathy, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family regardless. I’m sitting here crying a thousand tears for you. If you can’t cry, then I will cry for you. Everybody grieves differently and no one should think less of you if you do not cry in front of them.


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